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House had me on board when I saw its writing credit: Fred Dekker. Dekker directed The Monster Squad, a movie I will go the grave claiming to be better than the majority of better known "kids-on-an-adventure" flicks from the 80's. He hasn't done a whole lot, but what he has had a hand in turns out to be pretty cool.
House starts off well enough. The Greatest American Hero plays Roger Cobb, a writer/Vietnam vet/divorcee with a kid who's missing and an aunt who recently commit suicide. Cobb's aunt believed her house to be haunted, so Roger does the only sensible thing one is to do in a horror flick and moves into the fucking thing. There's some cool classic spooky-house tension built up early on, as well as some flashbacks to Roger's marriage and his missing kid that are jarring yet entirely effective.
And then George Wendt happens. George Wendt in the way only George Wendt can happen. Good ol' goofy Norm from Cheers.
I'm no stranger to the horror/comedy thing. I get it. At times I love it. It's just that with House, it happens so suddenly. It's not just George Wendt showing up, though his entrance serves as a good summation of how the comedy elements are handled in the movie: Without warning with the tendency to take over the entire scene. And while surprise is a key element to both humor and horror, it seems as if all the scenes in House fall squarely into one of three categories: Horror scenes, comedy scenes, or Vietnam flashback scenes (yeah, there's those, too). The elements aren't blended together at all, and you never get that wonderful feeling of not knowing whether or not to laugh or cover your eyes like you do with something like Evil Dead 2.
The elements work well enough on their own, so House still manages to quite a bit of fun. There's a couple of cool monsters in it, though one of them will have you wishing the mask were just a bit better. If it weren't for a bit of language, it would almost be as OK for kids as Poltergeist is, and there are a few genuine chuckles to be had. It's just that with its three, disparate flavors, I can't help but walk away wondering, "Exactly what the hell was that movie?"
BONUS HALLOWEEN JUNK FOOD REVIEW - Kool-Aid Ghoul-Aid Scary Blackberry Jammers
Before you jump down my throat for how terrible this shit is, let me point out that it's an ill kept secret that I work for the most well-known all natural and organic grocery store in the world. When you spend your 9-5s drowning in a sea of quinoa and cage-free eggs, you need to get out from under that shit every once in awhile. Couple that with the stone cold fact that the strength of any Halloween heavily rests on the quality of its crappy, sugary foods, how could I resist a box of Kool-Aid Ghoul-Aid Scary Blackberry Jammers when I found out on my first outing to score my first slew of this years General Mills "Monster Cereals?" First off, the packaging is *amazing*. Kool-Aid Man in a Dracula costume, wearing what appears to be sneakers. Oh, and there's bats. If history has taught us anything, it's that if you put a bat on it, Josh Look will put cash money in your hand. It comes in those "juice pouch," you know, like Capri Sun. Some people like drinking beer out of a can, so I can imagine the carefree pride I have in drinking juice out of pouch is similar. How does it taste? Well, sugary. But it's not bad. It's been a long while since I've drank Kool-Aid, but it was less sugary that my imagination told me it would be. I haven't taken a look at the color, but I would imagine its purple, being blackberry flavored and all. It's no Ecto Cooler, but if I were five, the packaging alone would have me begging my mom to buy a pallet of this shit.
