Moana - Barney's Incorrect Five Second Reviews

Moana - Barney's Incorrect Five Second Reviews Hot

Black Barney     
 
4.5
5153   0

This movie, it make-a me cry!

I took my five-year old daughter to see this on Sunday thinking it would be a sure-fire homerun for her. This movie ended up surprising me in many ways. 

1. I liked it far more than she did. She also is probably the only kid in the world who didn't love Frozen (she prefers Inside Out, Shaun the Sheep). 

2. I never thought I'd enjoy the music and songs as much as I did. I thought they were great. 

3. With Disney owning the rights to Star Wars, i guess all deceased people come back in blue ghost-form now?

4. I can't believe i got misty-eyed...twice.

I'm not sure why they didn't cast Mila Kunis as Princess Moana since she sounds just like her, but probably because she doesn't have the pipes to carry the tunes that little Auli'i does. This film really did take the singing seriously I can see. It shows commitment when you cast Nicole Scherzinger and Jemaine Clement (!!!) instead of Russell Crowe. Good job Disney! 

If I spend too much time thinking about the movie, it might lose some points, but really i can't escape how the movie made me feel the entire time. i had some kid kicking the back of my seat for half the movie and I only became HALF homicidal. That's testament to how much fun this movie is. 

The visuals are quite breathtaking too. I'm not sure what animation algorithm is behind the hair but it WORKS. I couldn't take my eyes off it. 

I'm sure that not all kids will like it (mine didn't), but it will keep their attention the entire time. That's important. I also like that my daughter sees that a princess doesn't need a prince or love interest to be somebody. Moana is just fine on her own. I just hope my girl doesn't start questioning the parking lot rules I've made, "What would Moana do?"

Heart rating - 5 stars

Brain rating - 4 stars

Moana - Barney's Incorrect Five Second Reviews There Will Be Games

Editor rating

(Updated: May 22, 2018)
Black Barney
Overall rating 
 
4.5
Heart 
 
5.0
Brain 
 
4.0

Summary

Movie Title
Moana

This movie, it make-a me cry!

I took my five-year old daughter to see this on Sunday thinking it would be a sure-fire homerun for her. This movie ended up surprising me in many ways.

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Posted: 05 Dec 2016 14:11 by Mr. White #239880
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Like I mentioned in the 'Frozen v Moana' thread I thought this one was ok so far as story and characters and such. The visuals however, were incredible. I spent the film staring at how realistic objects such as shells, hair, wood, etc looked. It was amazing. On top of that the water and creatures were far more gorgeous than reality.

My big take-away from the film is that I understand how many are going to choose to plug-in and download themselves into the machine when the technology comes. This world was prettier than our real one!

(Another reason I don't buy the "we're living in a simulation" theory...our world is dreary and dull compared to what we're being fed on screen, why wouldn't we simulate that?

Unless the robots/players are punishing us...)
Posted: 05 Dec 2016 15:11 by Vlad #239884
Vlad's Avatar
I respect those kids who prefer Inside Out to Frozen.
Posted: 06 Dec 2016 09:00 by Black Barney #239935
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Also, i'm really happy that thing from The Abyss was able to find work.


Posted: 06 Dec 2016 17:12 by Black Barney #239982
Black Barney's Avatar
I don't like to bitch but I really feel that joke deserves more thank yous
Posted: 07 Dec 2016 08:23 by Columbob #240029
Columbob's Avatar
If my 1-per-post limit could be lifted, I'd shower your post with an abyssal ocean's worth of TYs.

Back to the movie, [spoilers!] you know how Moana sets a seashell on top of the pile of chief stones at the end - what will the next leader do? So little forethought - she doesn't care, she's off to explore with an armada at her back! Her lifetime's longing finally reached! I already brought life back to the island, so screw you suckers left behind!
Posted: 07 Dec 2016 10:14 by Black Barney #240042
Black Barney's Avatar
Yeah I think she's clearly embracing their voyageur -nature and aren't planning to stay. Maybe she's going to move them to where that lady is sleeping. Let's just hope she's not a restless sleeper.