The House with a Clock in its Walls - Barney's Incorrect Five Second Reviews

Not exactly the best title, but I guess they have to honour the book. I would have gone with, "Jack Black Finds Work Again."


You know, I don't know which was less likely: that I'd be bringing my 7-yr old girl to an Eli Roth movie, or that I'd willingly walk into a Jack Black vehicle again. Here I've gone and done both. I might be the bravest man you know.

This is another movie that starts off absolutely terrible, and then gets better as it goes. I was surprised it was rated PG instead of PG-13 as there are pretty spooky elements in this. This was the first movie I've seen with Emily where she asked me to put my arm around her as she shut her eyes. Somehow she knew when all the scary parts were going to be.

I don't think anyone is cast correctly in this except for Kyle MacLachlan (who I'm not even a fan of). Jack Black to way too Jack Black for the first half, but I guess that's the point. It's hard not to watch Cate Blanchett doing magic and not wishing you were watching Galadriel the entire time instead. Where's her spin-off movie anyway?! Also, the kid I found to be super annoying with how often he just starts weeping. I get it, you lost your parents and stuff, but you are capable of doing magic that makes your bed for you. Let's get some perspective here.

The whole approach to magic in this isn't great either given how much exposure audiences have to Harry Potter at this point. You should either be having fun with magic, or taking it super seriously. If you're going to skirt in between those things, then the whole backdrop needs to be pretty dramatic to support that. In this, there's nothing particularly interesting going on.

Like I said, the movie does get better so it does become barely passable, but I think the side-stories of the high school bullies with trying to impress that kid with the perfect hair... I think all of that should have been cut. When Peter Parker discovers his powers in the first Spiderman, we get the joy of him kicking the tires a bit with his new powers. That entire element is missing here. When you learn magic and you're a kid, you should be making some sundaes and stuff. I don't think you would be raising the dead.

So surprise-surprise, I found a movie about magic to be a little implausible. Emily preferred it to Smallfoot though so I can't throw it under the bus too much. That pet chair that acts like a dog was pretty cute after all.