Why I suck at Gamer Culture

Gamer culture and me don't mix well, because while I don't mind the idea of games, the problem of power gamer culture is that "pwning" of "n00bs" poses a major threat to me enjoying myself. I guess I don't mind losing at a game, I just don't like it when my opponent gloats about it like he's a cast member of Jersey Shore minus the toned abs physique.

I'll admit, I love games on a casual level, you'd never see me going to the Magic Pro Tour Championships but I do keep cards around in case I want to have a game. There are several downloadable titles for my PS3 I have ready for my personal amusement, and other games like Tekken 6 for when friends are over. But I can't help but think of myself as somebody who isn't a hardcore gamer despite being interested in games themselves.

I don't hate games, I just feel like certain games mock my crippling inability to play for hours to get good at a video game without my hands hurting. I have respect for gamer culture, and for a while I really wanted to be a part of it - but even though busting out a video game or a board game with friends is fun, I don't really feel I'm good enough at games to reach a proper understanding or respect for the medium at an academic level.

That's what really gets me about gamer culture - you have to be, well, good at the games to really understand on a deeper level just how far reaching into the psyche games as a hobby and or culture really are. Me, I spent a year and a half writing and editing a novel about internet culture, and believe me, it took a lot of effort to get that 250 pages done, not just in sweat and effort, but researching and understanding elements of that culture most people don't touch on.

Because the last thing you want to look like while researching a subculture is a phony. Hunter S. Thompson knew this when he wrote Hell's Angels. Lester Bangs and Julian Cope knew this from the beginning about music culture. However, Takashi Murakami still doesn't understand that he doesn't understand otaku culture. At least I'll admit I don't understand it... at least not from complete personal experience... (sobs in a corner about his denial) - okay maybe I do know more about it than most people.

Thing is about gamer culture - you have to play the games to an extent you live them to understand it. Me, I might own a PS3 but I sure as hell didn't pay $599 US Dollars for it. I won it in a Sydney Morning Herald competition. For an article I wrote about a video games legacy exhibition. Because back then maybe I wasn't quite as much of a gamer culture phony as I realise I am now.

I tend to be an expert in things nobody cares about. I once got referred to on Australian public radio as an "Osamu Tezuka Expert" by John Safran himself - the most honourable description of me from a celebrity I ever recieved. That interview scared the hell out of me, but it was one of the defining moments of my young life. Because I realised for once how thin the line is between a buff or fan of something to being a nationally recognised expert in the field. Sometimes you have to be the only bloke they can find in time who gives enough of a damn about the subject.

Oh yeah, I still play board games and the occasional video game. I just don't think I'm an expert on games, especially not video games. You have to be a certain age and background to call yourself a videogame expert, I'm no James Rolfe. I'm more of a barely-post teenage years Roger Ebert who in a parallel universe actually liked the idea of games enough to try them, and places them in the context of the literature and artworks he already understands.

I don't want to be a phony games critic, I want to be an expert, on my own terms. And to do that I have to earn it.