Review Detail

7 Wonders
Board Games 146
For Best Results, Drop Turd in Punchbowl
Rating 
 
3.5
Though rife with shocking nudity and Masonic devilry, the game functions well enough for what it is, a "super-filler" that hosts up to seven players in 30 minutes. It's pretty, engaging, and the small decisions are nice. At the end you're rewarded with an awesome/mediocre/just-plain-sad tableau that tells the story of your soaring/forgotten/broke-ass civilization.

But...

The game suffers grotesquely when players don't counter-pick—the player who manages to seat themselves between two milquetoasts will win with a shockingly massive score. We're talkin' 37-42-52-87-33 shocking.

"What the hell were you doing?!" I ask Ms. 87's neighbors.

They blink as if slapped. "I was building my civilization," they say.

"For the love of God," I rave, "Why did you keep passing her exactly what she needed?!"

"Well," they mumble, "I had other things to do."

"Yes," I gurgle through clenched teeth, "Like making sure she doesn't double all our scores!"

So, yeah, this game requires mouth-pooping in order to work. When everyone keeps a scatalogical eye on their neighbors—and even up- and downstream some—it's a nice little card drafting game that's over quickly enough that you don't notice the undigested corn.

When playing with people who refuse to poop in their neighbor's mouths, I strongly suggest you sit between two of them in order to maximize your score.

After 25 plays: Much better (I'd rate it an 8) with the 7 Wonders: Leaders expansion. Leaders allow you to focus your strategy (just a little), or at least build some synergy. Or, with a poor selection, have hilariously random historical figures running your show. Hatshepsut in Rome?! ~LULZ
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