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Escape the Dark Castle
Board Games 1011
LO-FI / HIGH ADVENTURE*
Rating 
 
4.0
*Well, low adventure, too—but you get the idea.

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You know what you did. Save your disingenuous cries of innocence for the torturer. No one ends up in THE DARK CASTLE for paying their taxes on time or giving bread to orphans or keeping their hands to themselves. I saw the way you took that stick to the guard. Not your first time and—shut the fuck up and listen to me—not your first time and that's okay. We're gonna need to be right bastards to make it out of this hellhole alive. It would be best for all of us if you really were the reason all those kids went missing, rather than just a simple miller...

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If you're wondering about the mechanical aspects of this you should just keep stumbling around in the dark until you trip over a "competitive, medium-weight, card-driven, engine-building board game". You'll be happier, and so will I. Because then me and my fun-loving, crazy-creative, bend-over-backwards-to-entertain-you RPG crew can play this in peace** without anyone complaining about a lack of "meaningful decisions".

**Okay, not so much "peace" as a kind of pleasant, norm-straining mayhem.

Here's a meaningful decision for ya:

With the current setup at the table, which one of these will cause the greatest amount of side-achy, spit-taking mirth?

a) dick joke

b) body horror

c) violent slapstick

d) all of the above

Hint: IT'S ALWAYS THE D

PS. ALWAYS, ALWAYS USE THE SOUNDTRACK
H
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