LOOK WHAT SATAN SENT ME 2013!!!

The rules as explained by Michael Barnes:

The concept is pretty much the same as Secret Santa, but in this version you do not get the luxury of naming what you want. Your Secret Satan will send you whatever they want you to have. Maybe your Secret Satan wants you to have a copy of Deluxe Ogre. Or they may want you to have their entire Spellfire collection covered in black mold. The temptation to send junk is great, especially when you may get something amazing in return. No one will know...but me. I will know if you were truly a wicked Satan or an angel in disguise. We've had both, so be warned and don't expect a Christmas Miracle. F:AT does not guarantee Christmas Miracles.

Such is the "spirit" of Secret Satan.

Secret Satan has never been about sending wish lists and having a stranger buy you something you could have bought for yourself with the money you're spending on another stranger. It's rolling the dice and seeing what happens when that box shows up. You might roll a string of exploding sixes. Or you might get the horrible black void. It's about surprise, fun, and sharing laughs about getting "gifts" nobody really wants. It is a very AT Christmas tradition that should not engender hurt feelings or disappointment.

FYI- Satan has informed me that the long johns were treated with a combination of chocolate syrup and peanut butter. No actual poo has been shipped.

Michael Barnes wrote: FYI- Satan has informed me that the long johns were treated with a combination of chocolate syrup and peanut butter. No actual poo has been shipped.

Satan just lost his street cred.

Reese's Underwear is my favorite Holiday Treat.

A Secret Satan Parable

One year, upon receiving his Secret Satan gift, a Fortress: Ameritrash member approached Satan with an infinitely deep box. "Satan," he asked, "what is the meaning of this gift?"

"Open it," Satan replied. The F:AT member opened it to find some empty Games Workshop sprues and a half-complete Euro.

"It's just a bunch of crap!," he exclaimed. He kept digging.

"Now what do you see?," Satan asked.

"A Total Annihilation PC game manual and Hell Comes to Frogtown on DVD...it's more crap! What's at the bottom?"

Satan replied, a twinkle in his eye, "That's the meaning of our tradition; it's crap all the way down."
.
.
.
.
.
"Also, you'll find some Spellfire cards."

repoman wrote:

Bee Arthur's mug shot.

Bea Arthur... outstanding!

Michael Barnes wrote: Secret Satan has never been about sending wish lists and having a stranger buy you something you could have bought for yourself with the money you're spending on another stranger. It's rolling the dice and seeing what happens when that box shows up. You might roll a string of exploding sixes. Or you might get the horrible black void. It's about surprise, fun, and sharing laughs about getting "gifts" nobody really wants. It is a very AT Christmas tradition that should not engender hurt feelings or disappointment.

FYI- Satan has informed me that the long johns were treated with a combination of chocolate syrup and peanut butter. No actual poo has been shipped.

Yeah, not knowing what you'll get makes it fun. If you knew you were going to get something you want, it would be boring, and if you knew you'd get nothing but crap, it would just be dumb.

Malygris wrote:

repoman wrote:

Bee Arthur's mug shot.

Bea Arthur... outstanding!

It's a Marine Corps enlistment photo, FWIW.

Malygris-
Yeah, not knowing what you'll get makes it fun. If you knew you were going to get something you want, it would be boring, and if you knew you'd get nothing but crap, it would just be dumb.[/quote]

The Infernal Post Office informs me you should be getting your package today. Prepare to be stupid.

Now, as always there is a story attached. SS pm'd me asking me about how tight customs were on checking the content of packages. I responded saying basically, pretty tight.

SS then said he would send it to Geneva where I was heading for a business trip. Turns out, I was as sick as a dog through most of the trip and the package arrived 10 minutes before I was due to checkout of the hotel on the way back home. Later, at the airport, I panicked, what if it was porn and the customs guys searched my bag, they would find all 5kg of the pork I intended to smuggle back...bad news. I thought I should just open it there and then before I check my bags into Lufthansa. So I did. There was really not much to worry about as you can see.



The query was probably about the book on how to smuggle bibles into Poland during the Cold War. Having read that piece of shit, God's Smuggler, years ago, I was pretty au fait with the techniques. The book is pretty interesting but doesn't cover how to smuggle legs of pork or litres of Southern Comfort. Luckily, I already have these techniques pat.

6 Days of Glory looks fun. It's a Kevin Zucker game who then went on to write more Napoleonic games with Operational Research Group. This is a 1997 game but OK for solo play apparently.

In the Shadow of the Emperor seems like one of those Euros that Satan knows I would hate but I may be doing it a disservice.

Fear Itself is an RPG of passing interest. Topped off with 2 DVDs both of which look great.

Thanks Satan......

Four of the Apocalypse is a pretty good spaghetti western, most notable because it's directed by Lucio Fulci. Genre mainstay Tomas Milian stars and Michael J. Pollard (CW Moss from Bonnie and Clyde) is in it too.

ITSotE isn't bad...it's kind of a Euro-Kremlin.

Glad you actually got something this year!

And I love Black Dynamite, both the movie and the cartoon series.

Michael Barnes wrote: FYI- Satan has informed me that the long johns were treated with a combination of chocolate syrup and peanut butter. No actual poo has been shipped.

The only proof is in the licking. Man up and tongue out Repoman!

ThirstyMan wrote: Later, at the airport, I panicked, what if it was porn and the customs guys searched my bag, they would find all 5kg of the pork I intended to smuggle back...bad news. I thought I should just open it there and then before I check my bags into Lufthansa. So I did. There was really not much to worry about as you can see.

What ThirstyMan failed to anticipate was that I placed small packages of pork, miniature bottles of Southern Comfort and porn in the game boxes and then SHRINKWRAPPED THEM!

Well it seems my package has engendered a slight controversy so I feel I should say something.

I was totally aware of what I was signing up for. I totally knew I might receive a pile of shit. I knew I was under no obligation to send anything of value.

I was a bit undecided about signing up this year because while last year my SS was the tops and sent me some funny, odd, and one really cool thing, Josh got a box of garbage. So I rolled the die and it came up snake eyes. Yeah, there is a bit of disappointment but that's the case with any crappy roll. As a true believer you take it, shrug if off and move on.

Certainly there are no hard feelings on my part. Next year, maybe I'll sign up and maybe I won't. All depends on the day and how lucky I feel....and if I can perfect a glitter bomb delivery system.