LOOK WHAT SATAN SENT ME 2013!!!

Satan's special delivery arrived at my doorstep a couple days ago. I (probably wisely) resisted opening it at first, and left it for a little while, but it was starting to emit an evil aura; it was... beckoning to me.

Hoping it doesn't leave an evil stain on the carpet

Opening the box from Hell, I was greeted with the following sight:
An attempt at subliminal messaging? Not very subtle of you, Satan

Under this copy of MUNCHKIN: ZOMBIES was a copy of a book: GOD HATES US ALL. From what I can gather, it's a fictional book of fiction, written by a fictional character (Hank Moody) in a fictional TV show, except now it's in real life (the book, that is). I assume it was thrown in for the title alone; seems like something he'd do (Satan, not Hank Moody (probably)).

Also, and lastly, included seemed to be a copy of TALISMAN: THE REAPER, which is where this unboxing tale turns down a dark alley. A dark alley that leads straight to Hell... (or maybe Baator would be more correct in this instance)

Satan trying to tell me something?

At this point, I thought to myself, "Too bad you already own the Reaper expansion", and I opened the box to peek inside... just to make sure. It was then that I discovered Satan had stuffed this empty shell of a game expansion with SPELLFIRE cards. Now, I'll have to learn how to play, and subsequently play, this game that I've heard so much about. Afraid that even the Munchkin game was just another pile of SPELLFIRE cards in disguise, I checked and found that it was actually a Munchkin game in the box.

I get Satan's not-so-subtle messages from the book and the first game, but what great and terrible lesson am I to learn from the cards? That I suck? That maybe I should get into real spell casting (using old D&D handbooks as a guide), but maybe not because I won't be able to find any opponents? I'm leaning towards the "suck" one as the more plausible guess.

OMG It's full of cards!


I have one of these awesome fellas


Mixed in with the Spellfire heap were two Soccer player cards. Anybody know who these guys are?



All I can say at this point is Thank you Satan, for sparing me from some worse fate than this.

Yeah.

Philip Lahm and Mehmet Scholl.

Need reading glasses?

ThirstyMan wrote: Yeah.

Philip Lahm and Mehmet Scholl.

Need reading glasses?

I can't read sideways.

Probably no weird 80's scandals in the media with these guys either, from what I can gather from the extremely small amount of research I did.

As an FYI; the book is NOT about the show. It doesn't even have any of the same characters. I highly recommend actually finding time to read it.

Hope you liked. . . I mean HATED the package.

Ouch, Munchkin AND Spellfire. What extraordinary cruelty.

Yeah Philip Lahm is Germany's captain and one of the best fullbacks in the sport. Although he's currently being used as a defensive midfielder under coach Pep Guardiola at Bayern Munich.

I wonder how many cards of Spellfire are shipped across the USA every Secret Satan.

Probably all of them. Spellfire is a _classic_ Secret Satan gift, much like giving someone a scarf or a pair of mittens.

Random footballer cards, that's a first.

Munchkin Zombies...good grief, that is just TOO MUCH shark jumping at one time for the human mind to handle.

Michael Barnes wrote: Random footballer cards, that's a first.

Of course they are not random! Nobody would give a away a card of The Best Footballer In The World

I hate you all and all of your spellfire hate.

I enjoyed Spellfire...Especially the cards that were tied to what time of day it was outside, pulling the combo of both the Cleric and Wizard were you had to ask their permission to cast spells of their respective type, the recycled artwork mixed in with the dudes in costume. It is the most underrated CCG ever. Classic!

OK. Stripper glitter is fine. 80's Jessica Hahn porn, that's fine. Sending pictures of a naked chick with "wax stains" is disturbing on a level I fail to be able to describe, but it's fine, too. Didn't realize satan's cock shot wax...but somehow it makes sense. Sending footballer cards, Spellfire cards, and books with hateful titles are all fine choices.

BUT....

ANYONE SENDING MUNCHKIN HAS GONE TOO FAR. That's just cruel. That's like clipping off some random baby's toe and mailing it to someone. It's just wrong.

LMAO

It's definitely inappropriate. It's like stopping off at the pornography store and buying a butt plug for your boss on the way to the office Christmas party.

It's too quiet in here. IS THE SHAME OF YOUR GIFTS SO GREAT THAT YOU ARE NOT POSTING PICTURES?

If so, I don't care. YOU MUST BE COMPLIANT.

The Jessica Hahn thing has made me wish we did a theme, "Sex Scandals of the 1980s". Perhaps next year we will do "The Magic of Bib Overalls" or perhaps "Kid n' Play: The Forgotten Icons of Rap".

Or "It Might Be a Sex Toy".

Kid 'n Play shall never be forgotten.

Michael Barnes wrote:
It's too quiet in here. IS THE SHAME OF YOUR GIFTS SO GREAT THAT YOU ARE NOT POSTING PICTURES?

If so, I don't care. YOU MUST BE COMPLIANT.

Spent lunch two minutes to edit photos. Will be uploaded after work.