LOOK WHAT SATAN SENT ME 2013!!!

Photo issues, dammit.

Secret Satan wrote:

Rliyen wrote: 6. The true mark of the Beast = Mayday Games card sleeves.

And the real reason it weighed to much… a 3.0 D&D Player’s Handbook.

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It's not even the 3.5 ruleset, feel that burn! IT'S OBSOLETE I SAY. The ATP is like 5 hour energy to keep you awake longer to be tortured by that fact.

On the contrary, I will use it. I have a few RPGs that use the ruleset(Judge Dredd, Midnight). So NYAH! I already had a copy, but the infernal one you sent is in much better condition. So, off to 2nd & Charles for my other copy.

BURN TEMPT. I never knock on Small Box Games, but Tempt is the single most unplayable game I've ever attempted to play.

VonTush wrote:

DukeofChutney wrote: notice that the Dune book is not written by Frank Herbert, but his illiterate son Brian and the interloper known as Kevin. Satan has been more cruel than you realize. Not only is it a sequel to a book you have never read, its a sequel that most fans consider fecal matter. Burn it!

Then it is true that Satan's evil knows no bounds!

As I dug deeper mental torture began to wrack my brain...Items that look so bad and are bad by any measure of good taste appear amusing and excite me. Has my descent into madness truly begun?

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When I first glanced and saw "WXIII" my instant thought was "Yes! Some sort of WWE Main Event #13!" And then I noticed it was an anime...Thoughts of wrestlers in jean cutoffs and knee high boots faded. After some reading online I found out the full name is WXIII: Patlabor the Movie 3. Let me just quote here "The movie is a side story to the Patlabor series, and takes place in between Patlabor: The Movie and Patlabor 2: The Movie. It is based on a part of the manga and has a similar premise to a story in the original OVA series. WXIII premiered out of competition during the Tokyo International Fantastic Film Festival, which had special screening on December 10, 2001. WXIII's Japanese theatrical release took place on March 30, 2002 to coincide with the release of Minipato. Geneon Entertainment licensed WXIII for its North American release on January 10, 2003, which was eventually followed by later DVD releases to Europe and Oceania." I'm sensing confusion awaits me upon viewing.

Staying in the Pacific there is Vampire Hunters which I'm likely way more excited to watch than I should be. There's a factory sealed copy of some game called Fate and judging by the lead character that looks like a cross between the knight from Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts and Diego from Go Diego Go, should I decide to ruin the aftermarket value by breaking the shrink I'm sure to be in for a treat. SS must have pitched his VHS player because I received what appears to be mint brand-new in shrink Square-Enix promotional video with the list of Bushido Blade (one of my all time favorite fighting games!), Final Fantasy Tactics, Final Fantasy and something called Salsa Frontier?

Which leads us to my laugh out loud moment of the day, which was when I pulled out the HeMan SheRa Christmas Special! Part of my mad laughter was because this very morning, our Elf on the Shelf Amelia decided to bring some early presents for my son and stepdaughter. Baby VonTush got a kickass Superman zip up hoodie, but the stepdaughter received...The HeMan SheRa Christmas Special! HAHAHAHAH!!! My sanity started to crack as I began to realize that my family may have a live in Secret Satan and that SS was myself! After that realization the room went dark.

When I came to, my hand was already pulling back the corner of the wrapping of the next layer of evil. And what should my wondering eyes should appear, but General Lee and eight tiny Civil War reenactors photographed for the cover of BattleCry.

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Also included was a shrink wrapped copy of Axis and Allies. Both of these are very awesome. Battle Cry I had years back sold (or traded) when the market spiked a bit but wanted to reacquire. Axis and Allies I've been thinking about upgrading my old beat up edition. And as I've been looking to take my nephew under my wing so to speak, as he has expressed a lot of interest in gaming, these are some great additions. Last was a map to Satans realm I assumed, but then I remembered the counters that
I caught a glimpse of just before I blacked out. Being the logical wiz that I am, I put two and two together and still couldn't come up with a game because I couldn't find any rules.

It was then that I decided to double check the Battle Cry box to make sure Satan didn't pull a bait and switch. And lo! The missing link to my 30 second old puzzle.

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Demonlord - Named for The Dark Lord himself! Putting the map, chits and rules together I realized that I had a one of a kind print and play edition of an old Dwarf Star Game. Pretty F-ing cool I thought! And then I looked closely at the chits (my apologies for the shitty photo, my camera wanted to focus on the faux wood grain of my desk):

Thank you Secret Satan!

The best way to describe Fate is the kiddie version of Diablo. The perk is that you have a pet companion, which you can transform into different animals by feeding them fish.

Also, DO NOT DISS THE CANE'S!!!! It's a local chicken fingers place, and the strips are dipped in crack batter. Too bad you will never partake in them! Muhahahahaha!

Secret Satan wrote: Also, DO NOT DISS THE CANE'S!!!! It's a local chicken fingers place, and the strips are dipped in crack batter. Too bad you will never partake in them! Muhahahahaha!

Curse you (more) Satan! I pull up Cane's website, my mouth begins to water, I search for locations near me and they are to my north in Omaha, to the east in St Louis and to the south in OK forming a perfect Bermuda'esqe Triangle of chickenfinger-less restaurants centered around Kansas City! KHHHHAAAAA.....Er....SATAAAAAAAAAAAN! *collapses to knees thrusting clenched fists skyward in rage*

VonTush wrote:

Secret Satan wrote: Also, DO NOT DISS THE CANE'S!!!! It's a local chicken fingers place, and the strips are dipped in crack batter. Too bad you will never partake in them! Muhahahahaha!

Curse you (more) Satan! I pull up Cane's website, my mouth begins to water, I search for locations near me and they are to my north in Omaha, to the east in St Louis and to the south in OK forming a perfect Bermuda'esqe Triangle of chickenfinger-less restaurants centered around Kansas City!

We do have Stroud's though, so I think we came out alright.

San Il Defanso wrote: We do have Stroud's though, so I think we came out alright.

That is true...The first time I went to Strouds I decided to just do take out. I was craving a chicken-fried steak and thought what the heck. So I go in, stroll up to the bar order a Coke and the order for takeout.

I'm watching something they had on TV and out of the corner of my eye I see them put a box up onto the bar and proceed to place various and multiple containers of food into the box. I thought: "Hmm...All the other people are eating at tables, I wonder who was placing a big order. I wonder if they deliver?"

The box was then placed in front of me with a "Here you go". I'm sure the puzzled look on my face was amusing. I take the box home and pull out:
-Flip top with chicken fried steak
-Flip top with side salad
-Quart container of green beans
-Quart container of mashed potatoes
-Quart container of gravy
-Bag with cinnamon roll

I think I got three meals out of the thing.
And didn't poop right for a week. No one needs a quart of gravy.

Or, everyone needs a quart of gravy.

VonTush wrote:

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First are a series of Black Library books which is funny considering a few days ago I thought to myself "Self, I need to get off the internet and read more books". So what better way to improve oneself by reading about the world of Games Workshop!

Satan...Providing gifts that keep on giving. So tonight I decide to start reading one of the Black Library books. As Eldar have always been a race that interests me in the 40k setting I decided to start reading one of those two. I flip one open and on one of those early pages that gives the title of the book you're reading again (just in case you forgot since when looking at an open book you can no longer see the cover) and in bold letters it said "Book Three". Fuck. There were only two books. So I open the other figuring a 50/50 chance of having book one, but in my heart of hearts I knew Satan would never have allowed it. And of course in the other book is "Book Two". Books two and three of a trilogy...Well played Satan. Well played.

What an ass hole that Satan is!

Well, Satan dumped a load at my front door the other day and from the contents it appears that Satan has been busy blowing the dust off certain corners of Hell's game closet. Inside were copies of:

Galaxy Trucker
Black Spy
The Convoy
Deadlands: The Battle for Slaughter Gulch
The Resistance
an old copy of Family Business; and
a copy of Quebect 1759 so ancient and ragged looking it might have been played by James Wolfe, himself.





On the whole, not bad. A mix of stuff I own, have owned, or am at the least willing to give a shot. I'm particularly looking forward to checking out The Convoy. At this point, you're probably thinking, hey, what the hell, this is supposed to be Secret Satan. But that's not all Satan sent.

He also included what is surely some horrible, misguided Lego/NBA crossover:





This one appears to be the "Many Faces of Scot Pollard" edition:





A nice book to pass my time:





You may or may not be surprised to learn that I know who Ms. Paglia is and can remember when this book was released. I'm thinking I might start a weekly blog contribution on this site called, "Shit Satan Asked Me to Read" where I'll just quote passages from this book and open the floor for debate.

And last, but certainly least:





I am quite disappointed to find that you cannot play the game as Screech.

That "NBA Challenge" Lego set was part of a short lived series from about a decade ago... and it is worth quite a lot as a collectors item if it is complete. Like a good hundred dollars plus, particularly outside of the US where this basketball stuff is rare.

[re-activating Lurk Mode]

Haha Camille Paglia. I think I still have a signed copy of that book kicking around. I don't think I'd care much for her ideas now, but her diatribes against cultural studies and post-structuralism in the university had a big impact on me when as an undergrad I was first hit over the head with difficult theory. My spouse almost stopped dating me when she saw it on my shelf years ago.

If I made a Saved By the Bell game, EVERYONE would play as Screech.

hotseatgames wrote: If I made a Saved By the Bell game, EVERYONE would play as Screech.

The true Devil has shown himself.


Love this thread.