LOOK WHAT SATAN SENT ME 2013!!!

Every day I log in to F:AT assuming that no one will mention Camille Paglia.

Today, everything has changed.

VonTush wrote:

VonTush wrote:

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First are a series of Black Library books which is funny considering a few days ago I thought to myself "Self, I need to get off the internet and read more books". So what better way to improve oneself by reading about the world of Games Workshop!

Satan...Providing gifts that keep on giving. So tonight I decide to start reading one of the Black Library books. As Eldar have always been a race that interests me in the 40k setting I decided to start reading one of those two. I flip one open and on one of those early pages that gives the title of the book you're reading again (just in case you forgot since when looking at an open book you can no longer see the cover) and in bold letters it said "Book Three". Fuck. There were only two books. So I open the other figuring a 50/50 chance of having book one, but in my heart of hearts I knew Satan would never have allowed it. And of course in the other book is "Book Two". Books two and three of a trilogy...Well played Satan. Well played.

HA HA HA! VERILY, I am an asshole; I ordered my minions at the BL to artificially short the stock of the first book. So, GOOD LUCK FINDING IT, BITCH!

So the package came today. I am a cautious man. I wanted to make sure the content of evil was below lethal levels...



I placed it on the steps, and removed myself to a discrete distance.



As it did not instantly burst into flames, I approached and waited. Then, feeling it was safe enough, I took it back to my lair to be opened.



Jesus was a zombie.



Bee Arthur's mug shot.



Some long underwear...soiled.



A small plastic tub containing residual rotting queso dip. It smells delightful.



Un-assembled zombie figurines.



Robocop the VCR game! Seems absolutely terrible.



Some shitty DVD's but hey...Mail Call...I liked that show.



Last but certainly not least in this atrocious collection of excrement...some Cataan cards.

I thanked Satan all the way to the dumpster when it was unceremoniously dumped, doused with "starter fluid" and lit on fire. Even the power of flame cannot cleanse my office of the stink which emanated from all the foul contents of this evil box.

Satan was cruel indeed! For exactly what do you need to atone?

I used to think Secret Satan was "send someone a whole box of terrible things and at the bottom, put something to ease the pain. Something nice." Apparently I was mistaken.

Wow, Repo. You got your balls smashed. Those Zombies are good though!

WOW. That was brutal. Ooof.

Yikes. Soiled longjohns. A new low. There's a balance to be struck. Satan walks a fine line between temptation and torment. We should make a manual for this, with examples to help folks out.

I got something totally nice this year in one shipment, but Satan has promised a big package of unwrought hellstuff in his little gift letter. So I have that anxiousness awaiting me.

I agree with the manual. Holy shit, some people just have no idea.

If you are going to send a turd then at least wrap it nicely.

Repo, if it was me, I would have sent you a cup of liquid diarrhea because I have plenty available at the moment. I would of course have sealed it in a flask though and nicely wrapped it.

Actually, that Catan GenCon promo deck is a kind of special thing if you're a Catan fan [yea, I know, sorry there Repo--but it's actually a desired thing among Euronerds]

See #10 on this list: boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/159470/gen-co...romos-and-exclusives

repoman wrote: So the package came today. I am a cautious man. I wanted to make sure the content of evil was below lethal levels...

I placed it on the steps, and removed myself to a discrete distance.

As it did not instantly burst into flames, I approached and waited. Then, feeling it was safe enough, I took it back to my lair to be opened.

Jesus was a zombie.

Bee Arthur's mug shot.

Some long underwear...soiled.

A small plastic tub containing residual rotting queso dip. It smells delightful.

Un-assembled zombie figurines.

Robocop the VCR game! Seems absolutely terrible.

Some shitty DVD's but hey...Mail Call...I liked that show.

Last but certainly not least in this atrocious collection of excrement...some Cataan cards.

I thanked Satan all the way to the dumpster when it was unceremoniously dumped, doused with "starter fluid" and lit on fire. Even the power of flame cannot cleanse my office of the stink which emanated from all the foul contents of this evil box.

Repoman:

I am truly hurt you did not appreciate your visual clue to the movie trivia question I posed to you, nor did you mention the question. Therefore, I will pose it here:

Which Academy Award winning film included a story of a unique way someone kept himself out of prison, and how did he escape his fate? The person who answers this question might just get a kiss from me. Or a special gift.

ThirstyMan wrote: I agree with the manual. Holy shit, some people just have no idea.

If you are going to send a turd then at least wrap it nicely.

Repo, if it was me, I would have sent you a cup of liquid diarrhea because I have plenty available at the moment. I would of course have sealed it in a flask though and nicely wrapped it.

After a trip through the autoclave, the flask is a totally sweet gift. Great example!


ps.
AND LO HE SHALL BE REDEEMETHED BY A QUESTYON TRIVIALE.
//nice try, Satan!

"One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"? Where fate was avoided by being smothered to death after being labotomized?

Yeah, I gave up on Secret Satan a couple of years back because I got a box of hassle and not much else. I think the spirit was lost on someone.

S.

Waitaminute, Satan sent poopie drawers?

Unbelievable. Scratch, you've outdone yourself this year.

Are you sure there wasn't a copy of Full Metal Planete in those panties?