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TOPIC: Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List

Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 19 Dec 2017 20:57 #259360

Use this thread to show the world the trash wonders "gifts" Secret Satan has bestowed upon you in (hopefully) 2017!
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 20 Dec 2017 00:26 #259363

Unlike last year when I was left wondering whether I got stiffed due to a Comp-U-Tron error or a deadbeat Satan, this year Satan has been quite prompt in delivering his special brand of joy as I found a reused and slightly abused Amazon box awaiting when I came home.

Upon opening the box, the first thing I see is a haggard-looking DVD copy of Die Hard 2, along with some reading material: a one volume collection of Warhammer fantasy stories and a collected X-Men story, Age of X.

Next out of the box is Mystics of Midgard, an expansion for Blood Rage, a game I don't own. Upon opening the box, however, I discover that the minis are missing and that only the foreign language components remain. Also, the box contains this:


gel.jpg



Next up is Mining Maniac, a game I've never heard of, from X-Axis Production, a Hong Kong-based publisher I've never heard of:


manic.jpg


Inside Mining Maniac is a letter from the publisher requesting that if the game is found to be interesting, to "spread the words." Apparently Satan found the game so interesting he decided to spread the game itself.

Wait, the next game in the box is ... Twilight Struggle?! Hmm, I'm suspicious. Inside the box appears to be a complete copy, but who knows. Perhaps Satan lost a component or two and now only the godless commies can win. We'll see.

Underneath Twilight Struggle is a still-in-shrink copy of Liguria from Queen Games:

queen.jpg


I'm not familiar with Liguria, but upon reading the copy on the back what do I see? "Merchants" (check). "Prestige points" (check). Wooden cubes (check). I also see this enticing come on:


tag.jpg


Hmmm, I think I'm starting to understand why Satan left this unopened.

Finally, Satan has bestowed upon me a wonderful piece of Ameritrash:


gore.jpg


Thanks, Satan!
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 20 Dec 2017 05:03 #259366

The buck lure gel is classic.
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 20 Dec 2017 06:56 #259368

I don’t know who gave me stomach flu for Xmas but I hope they die in a fire
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 20 Dec 2017 07:14 #259370

My entire family had it last year for Christmas! The entire week before we were LAID UP. My son had it first and his passed, then my daughter and my wife got it. My wife spent like three days laying on the floor of the bathroom on a unicorn sleeping blanket. And I got it, I literally laid on the floor for days. If I tried to get up, I puked. So River was totally fine and wound up playing video games and taking care of everybody. At one point I asked him if he had dinner and he said “I made a cheese and butter sandwich”. It was HORRID. I imagined that it must be like living as a drug addict or alcoholic. December 23rd, we crawled out to see a production of Madeline’s Christmas and I thought I was going to die before the last act. I wound up going out Christmas morning to get medicine. I lost like 8 pounds. Worst Christmas ever!

Anyway...the buck bait...wow. That is some next leve Sataning right there.

Mining Maniac...ha ha! Spread the words!
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 20 Dec 2017 07:16 #259371

Drug addicts live off of hot dogs, ramen, and Mac and cheese. And Chinese delivery on occasion.

Trust me, I’ve done the research.
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 20 Dec 2017 07:50 #259373

How long am I contagious if this started on Monday afternoon? I seem to be past it, I’ve only got a big headache this morning from being so dehydrated and my stool looks normal again. I’ve been quaranteening myself away from everyone but I’d like to go back to work tomorrow
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Last Edit: 20 Dec 2017 07:52 by Black Barney.
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 20 Dec 2017 11:02 #259392

Play the Division to get the answer, Patrick. The Green Poison got ya
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 21 Dec 2017 11:32 #259447

I was away for a few days for work. My wife tells me there is a strange package waiting for me. I knew right then that Satan had delivered.

satan3.jpg

I arrived home to confirm this part not to be true. The kids were safe.

satan.jpg

However Satan was not done with me, behold:
1 Grenadier War Mammoth mini(unassembled)
2. A novel in German
3. Slurm can coozies
4. Janet Jones exercise video
5.Griffin mini
6.1/4 tube of super glue
7.Roman numeral dice set
8. Dental floss
9. Dr Who key chain
10. 2 expansion for games I don't own- Lost Cities and Clank
satan2.jpg

Last but not least the Dark One promised me shelf toads, and he delivered:
1. Lost Cities the Boardgame
2. Homeland

All in all, I consider myself lucky to have gotten off so easily. Thank you Satan!
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 21 Dec 2017 12:10 #259450

It's not a novel, it's German Erotica. Mein Schwanz ist grosse!

I felt a weird sort of kindness flooding me. You deserve less.
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 21 Dec 2017 12:39 #259453

For some reason I love it when people get expansions but not base games. That is so cruel. It’s like, do I go waste money on the base game now? Nothing worse than a gift that makes you spend more money.
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 21 Dec 2017 12:56 #259455

Secret Satan wrote:
It's not a novel, it's German Erotica. Mein Schwanz ist grosse!

I felt a weird sort of kindness flooding me. You deserve less.

Und jetzt geh ich spritzen!
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 23 Dec 2017 07:17 #259527

San Il Defanso - One Step Closer
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 23 Dec 2017 08:49 #259534

I'm out of town right now, but now I dread to return home, lest some infernal beast devour me.
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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List 24 Dec 2017 20:57 #259579

I have received a package.

This is not supposed to happen.

I will dutifully report as expected immediately following an inquiry as to what went wrong with Comp-U-Tron this year.
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