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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List
I've been wanting to play this system with my current group, but I think they'll shit a brick when their characters die rather quickly.
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- Secret Satan
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That's Romance of the Nine Empires with its expansion. Because ol' Satan wants you to have the full experience of that AEG misfire.
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The formulae that the people on the board toss about to discuss how to bring newer weapons into the game is well above me.
We could always get a game together on Vassal and spend most of the time calculating the path of one bullet through a person's body.
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- SuperflyPete
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I was dying laughing when I opened that envelope, though. Straight up brilliant SS move.
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- Michael Barnes
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Sending Pete his own game though...that is truly diabolical.
I am working on getting the pictures of my SS journey up today.
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Michael Barnes wrote: It is at least up there with the Jessica Hahn Playboy and the autographed picture of Goofy.
Let us also not forget the vintage copy of Power Broker with Jerry Lewis on the box.
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- hotseatgames
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The first selection was a couple books for SPSS on a and Vax and Unix. I actually worked on a VAX system when I got out of the Army, so there was a spark of bitter memories.
The familiar musty smell of old books and I pulled out these beauties:
Apparently, old attic finds was the theme as I pulled two broken and depressed game carcasses from the box.
Two obscure, to me, titles were next. Toboggans may be fun, but I do not hold out hope for Roman Taxi.
The bottom layer was the payoff. Truly good stuff and games I do not already have.
I've been buying up old AH games and the copy of Starship Troopers will go perfect with them. The game bits were bagged and sorted! Huzzah!
Fields of Fire has been on my buy list for a while as well. Satan answered my unspoken wishes.
This has been a great package. Hail Satan!
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- SuperflyPete
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- Michael Barnes
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So here is the story of my Secret Satan journey. Somehow, Comp-U-Tron mistakenly matched me up with some unknown “benefactor” and I received an unexpected package in the mail. I have launched a full inquiry as to what went wrong, this is highly irregular and I had been led to believe that my sponsorship disqualified me from participation.
My kids saw the package first. “Daddy, you got a box in the mail with a robot Santa on it!” My heart stopped. I took the box away and hid it from my family in shame. I had no idea what would be in it. When everyone left to go Christmas shopping, I opened it.
On the label was a crude illustration of what a child might think Comp-U-Tron looks like:
Inside was this weird note, which created more questions than it answered:
But then, underneath that...a framed portrait of Billy Mitchell. It seems our paths are inexorably linked and I’m afraid a final showdown is inevitable.
As if that weren’t hateful enough...beneath it, TONS of packing material. Someone knows I HATE packing material. Especially this kind, which gets everywhere. I’ve already begun trying to piece the shreds together to get a clue of who may have done this to me.
After fishing around in this nonsense, I pulled out this box of Chaos Knights. And to my surprise, it actually had Chaos Knights in it along with some other pieces- weapons and an absolutely useless tray. And...an old timey GW catalog! I love things like that! The satanism in this gift is that giving anyone unbidden Warhammer stuff is like an invitation to spend $500 on new army stuff. The temptation is great- especially because I have other vintage Chaos/Slaves to Darkness stuff and it would just take a little more to get to 1000 points...or 1500...or 2000...
So that wasn’t too bad, other than temptation...then I found this, which is really kind of funny because the first Christmas present my wife ever gave me was a preorder for the Road Warrior action figures since they were not out in time that year (2000). But I saw them and cancelled it, getting some Japanese Transformers instead. So now, 17 years I got the WORST looking of all of the figures!
And then 175 Transformers stickers. What does Satan know about me?
And then, a pile of comics. Pretty decent ones actually...
Look closely. There is a hidden gem in there. Detective Comics #475 is one of _the_ classic Joker stories, The Laughing Fish. A Steve Englehart classic!
From that high point to a questionable one...apparently Satan knows I like Trek and like a bewildered grandma, he gave me whatever this is:
The BGG entry rates it at 4.58 and includes posts such as “Trying to Make this Game Fun”.
I believe it is the only game that Weaselpants Productions ever made.
Next I dug our this, and was pretty surprised that it was something kind of awesome, especially because of the vintage SF illustrations. I especially like the cyclops being shot in the head with a ray gun.
Cool! But then I opened it and son of a bitch...
OF COURSE the Dr. Smith and Will Robinson pieces are missing! I guess I will have to proxy them with Chaos Knights. Here are the full rules.
The board is really quite lovely:
So moving on from that “hey this is actually kind of a nice thing to get” moment...these turned up. Double U tee eff.
I find these profoundly upsetting. Metal chopstick-like things affixed to this horrid brown hand...like long nails or something. You eat with this hand’s outsized metal talons. It oddly echoes those Wolverine issues from above.
So I thought it was all over and then there was one more thing buried deep. And another strange synergy. Before Steve “Tanktop” Avery started hobnobbing with folks like Tom Vasel and he left us all behind, he used to always try to get me to play Racer Knights of Falconud with him...because nobody else would. But I never did. And now I have a pile of the little plastic card vehicles. And rules. And a pile of those teeny little dice.
All of this leaves on major question...who the hell is Katy Wirt of Pandora, IA? Is it YOU?
Anyway, I now have had a taste of the shame and humiliation that Secret Satan brings and after thinking we weren’t going to do it this year, my zest for spreading holiday havoc has been rekindled. We WILL do this again next year...and I will be sending one of you a personal package from the bowels of hell. The really bad bowels too, not the gentrified ones.
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