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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List

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02 Jan 2018 16:58 #260062 by SuperflyPete
Cilantro (Coriander) has the odd characteristic of tasting like dish soap to 10% of the planet's population by mere genetic crapshoot.

Should've sent him a Chipotle gift card...and hoped he'd be in that 10%.

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02 Jan 2018 18:07 #260066 by Not Sure

Secret Satan wrote: Finally, the letter to you is in the mother tongue - Welsh. Nothing says FUCK YOU than a string of arbitrary consonants and vowels to communicate.


Or as they spell it: "Ffucckk yyu"
The following user(s) said Thank You: jur, Rliyen, Gary Sax, lj1983, boothwah

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03 Jan 2018 11:36 #260096 by barrowdown
My Satan gift arrived the day before my return to the coldness of Montana and it was frozen to my porch. Keep in mind that my front porch is covered, protected from most blowing snow and the temperature had been at least 10 degrees below freezing the entire time it was there. I assume the mail carrier must have dumped water underneath it and then put it down to make sure it stayed in place.



Inside, the first thing I see is a lovely note from my friend:



And then a lot of lovely packing material that I can burn for warmth:



I then pulled out what I can only assume are rulebooks for some games. I know how participants in this exchange love to debox stuff, so that makes a twisted kind of sense:




Up next were some classic GW miniatures, presumably to be played with the rule books.







And then there was an abomination so unholy, I can scarcely glance at the room without crying tears of blood:


A still-in-shrink copy of this lovely adventure game:


And a deck of weirdly flat pirate ships and islands and tokens:


And then some puzzle games! You know me so well Secret Satan.


Next was a copy of an expansion for a game I do not have:


Oh wait...:


It was a trick! Oh, you tricksy imp.

It's labeled as being for my mini-human:



The one on the left is a creepy J-horror-ish doll that will never see the light of day. The other is an adorable little Leatherface that I was already told that I could not give to mini-human to add to her collection.

And finally, I am taunted by this:


Satan must know that I curse the lack of quality Mexican food anywhere near me! Damn yous!
The following user(s) said Thank You: jur, allismom3, san il defanso

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03 Jan 2018 11:55 - 03 Jan 2018 11:55 #260097 by Michael Barnes
I will trade you those awful chopsticks I got for the Taco Proper.

Waitaminute...my package had the SAME PACKING MATERIAL...OMG what if I live in a SHARED UNIVERSE with Beau...
Last edit: 03 Jan 2018 11:55 by Michael Barnes.

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03 Jan 2018 13:43 #260104 by Secret Satan
Oh, Michael, you poor bastard. I've got one more gift coming to you. But you never know when you're going to get it. It's a box full of pure crap and it's got your name all over it. Now, when should I send it?????

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04 Jan 2018 00:00 - 04 Jan 2018 08:12 #260156 by san il defanso
After my many journeys across these United States, I returned to a frozen wasteland in central Michigan, and a waiting package all the way from the Netherlands, which I can only assume feel hotter than hell compared to the continental USA.


Hey, it looks big! But it feels light...


No wonder it feels light. Aside from packing peanuts, the most diabolical of packing materials, it was also loaded with trays for minis. Satan likes to reduce, reuse, and recycle.


But underneath those shipping trays, oh, what promise!


Turns out it was just a cruel joke, and I would expect nothing less. It would seem that I have a box full of message fragments and mini trays.


Oh, and this little number. Could it mean something?


Evidently not...


Let's start piecing together these messages, shall we?


Spanish? Another language?


Oh, I see. Blood Rage components in Spanish.


These messages are cryptic indeed.


I'm not sure I'm doing it right...


Oh hey! Inside all of those mostly empty boxes there's an actual game! And judging from the BGG description, it looks like the kind of weird card game with chaos and diplomacy that is right up my alley!

*edit*


After some further infernal instruction, I dug through those Spanish Blood Rage components, I found this little message. I wonder...


Well look at that. I guess when Satan is in charge of Christmas, it lasts until almost Easter, when I'm arriving in Manila.

Thanks, Ol' Scratch! In all seriousness, it's super cool to have "real trash" that I won't need to ship to Manila. I'm moving to the Philippines to do the Lord's work (quite literally), but it looks like the devil still wants to get his due. I'll get you that address post haste.
Last edit: 04 Jan 2018 08:12 by san il defanso. Reason: There was more stuff!
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04 Jan 2018 01:39 #260158 by Space Ghost
Just got back into town and retrieved my package -- I will post pictures soon

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04 Jan 2018 01:53 #260159 by Secret Satan

san il defanso wrote: Turns out it was just a cruel joke, and I would expect nothing less. It would seem that I have a box full of message fragments and mini trays.


Satan likes him some cruel jokes, read the book of Job for the nasty one I played on his wife...

So I could be entirely content with the way this is turning out
Were it not for the fact that Satan loves it even better when his plans come together
and all the slaving of his minions wasn't for nothing

so you might want to search through those boxes again
very carefully
and find the "lottery ticket" slip so we can get on with it
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04 Jan 2018 07:09 - 04 Jan 2018 08:13 #260162 by san il defanso
Oh shoot, look at that! I'll post pictures in the next hour or so.

*edit* I put what I found in my original post. Such excitement!
Last edit: 04 Jan 2018 08:13 by san il defanso.
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04 Jan 2018 13:43 #260198 by Secret Satan

barrowdown wrote: I assume the mail carrier must have dumped water underneath it and then put it down to make sure it stayed in place.

Not water. He used a more easily available liquid.
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04 Jan 2018 14:34 #260206 by lj1983

SuperflyTNT wrote: Cilantro (Coriander) has the odd characteristic of tasting like dish soap to 10% of the planet's population by mere genetic crapshoot.

Should've sent him a Chipotle gift card...and hoped he'd be in that 10%.


Nearest Chipotle is like 7 hours away. Nearly as good.

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06 Jan 2018 09:28 #260380 by jur
This may take a while...




But I will have pics up in a while

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06 Jan 2018 12:31 #260395 by jur
So I had been warned: NO KNIVES! Obviously something precious and frail was inside...




But my years long experience with all things Satan has taught me caution, and my first reach into the box proved me correct




After removing a first layer of shiny filth there appeared a box. For some reason I grew even more cautious




And again I was rewarded with averting catastrophy!




The box had been boobytrapped!




True to the manual, I wouldn't use a knife to remove the tripwire. That made my further venture more exciting and a bit more time consuming.


Satan had obviously been enjoying the packaging!






After I cleared several layers of glitter from the box, I found some familiar looking game cards.



Ah... Petropolis! A hint perhaps?


Still without a knife I assaulted the layers of tape with the only sharp weapon at my disposal




A gruesome struggle that left left me with the debris of war




As much as the spoils!




And a self portrait of Satan! This will end up above my bed and provide grizzly joy for years to come




So thank you Satan. So much joy and punishment for such an unfit minion! Please, hit me one more time!



Now, where did I leave the vacuum cleaner?
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06 Jan 2018 12:35 #260396 by SuperflyPete
Open the Quarantine box. Ther’s more.
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06 Jan 2018 14:20 #260405 by jur
And it don't stop!

Having cleaned up and dined, I returned to Satan's gifts, mulling the evil intentions by gifting me a euro game about hospital managament. So I lifted the top expecting cardboard and wooden blocks...




Mark my surprise as I peered inside and found not just that but infact a buttload of cool stuff!


Exhibit A:




1920s furniture: perfect for some Pulp or Lovecraftian roleplaying! Diederik, can we have another go at your campaign?


Exhibit B:



A game of doubt and dread. That certainly fits my current state of mind and the above gift!


Exhibit C:




A suspicious looking compact disc that triggered my interest. Will have a listen sometime later this evening (with the candles burning low and the Cramps on the stereo)



Exhibit D:




Spock's Socks that I'm wearing right now! Good fit! Satan knows these things



Exhibit E:




Some weird looking chap, I suspect of representing broccoli. I think I have a solution for that...


Exhibit F:




And the Quarantine game itself. Not a lot of stuff for such a big box, but for once I'm not complaining!



So many more thanks Satan!


Not sure what I've done to deserve to be heaped in gifts twice in a row. I guess I must have signed over my soul while accepting the terms of service on some piece of software...

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