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Finding people to play with
- Disgustipater
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06 Dec 2019 22:42 #304860
by Disgustipater
Finding people to play with was created by Disgustipater
I'm sure this has been discussed before but I didn't find anything using search.
How do you find people to play games with outside of friends? I rarely get to play my favorite games, and I want to change that. But I'm somewhat at a loss on how to achieve that. Charlie playing 15 games a week makes me really jealous. Do you just have really enthusiastic friends or some other special arrangement?
There are at least a dozen board game Meetup groups in my area, but they all operate using the odious model of a generic game night where whatever people bring might get played. Every time I've brought something, no one wants to play what I bring. The one group where I have set up specific game sessions usually don't get enough people. If I can't get people to come out for a popular game like Root, I'm pretty sure Ascending Empires is right out. Maybe I should just go to each group page and post a message asking if anyone wants to play something off this list of 15 games?
I don't really use Facebook so I don't know what is on there.
What's your method?
How do you find people to play games with outside of friends? I rarely get to play my favorite games, and I want to change that. But I'm somewhat at a loss on how to achieve that. Charlie playing 15 games a week makes me really jealous. Do you just have really enthusiastic friends or some other special arrangement?
There are at least a dozen board game Meetup groups in my area, but they all operate using the odious model of a generic game night where whatever people bring might get played. Every time I've brought something, no one wants to play what I bring. The one group where I have set up specific game sessions usually don't get enough people. If I can't get people to come out for a popular game like Root, I'm pretty sure Ascending Empires is right out. Maybe I should just go to each group page and post a message asking if anyone wants to play something off this list of 15 games?
I don't really use Facebook so I don't know what is on there.
What's your method?
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06 Dec 2019 23:18 #304862
by Jackwraith
Replied by Jackwraith on topic Finding people to play with
The most reliable solution I've found in recent times is, in fact, Meetup. There's a local group around here that has a gathering once a month. I've made several friends through there and have told them that if they're interested in playing more than once a month (they usually are), I'm available. But there's also two other regular gatherings: one a couple times a month with the local organizers of U-Con and another once a week at a local store. Assuming there isn't a game store nearby, is there a convention that happens regularly in your area? If you could get in touch with the organizers, they might be able to point your toward more people/resources.
Also I'm on two apps: GameFor: iamgamefor.com/ and Gstone: play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=co...enut.gstone&hl=en_US
In the former I placed an ad which didn't get much response, but did show me where some other gatherings were happening. The latter I just downloaded the other day and seems to have more functions which may or may not be active (they're just ramping up) but I've noticed the names of several other people I know through friends that have signed up, so it might be more useful in the near future.
Also I'm on two apps: GameFor: iamgamefor.com/ and Gstone: play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=co...enut.gstone&hl=en_US
In the former I placed an ad which didn't get much response, but did show me where some other gatherings were happening. The latter I just downloaded the other day and seems to have more functions which may or may not be active (they're just ramping up) but I've noticed the names of several other people I know through friends that have signed up, so it might be more useful in the near future.
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07 Dec 2019 00:38 #304863
by WadeMonnig
Replied by WadeMonnig on topic Finding people to play with
I have two cute daughters and whatever guys they invite over, I force to play boardgames.
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07 Dec 2019 12:00 - 07 Dec 2019 12:03 #304868
by Disgustipater
The local con has a game day several times a year. I'll see about going to the one in early January.
Replied by Disgustipater on topic Finding people to play with
There's plenty of game stores, but it's the same problem as the meetups: just generic game days with no structure or specific games in mind. I'll sit there for 30 minutes alone at a table with a game set up, before packing up and leaving. Maybe they all know each other and already have plans for a game? Maybe I should make a sign that says, "X players needed" to give people a safe way to approach?Jackwraith wrote: Assuming there isn't a game store nearby, is there a convention that happens regularly in your area? If you could get in touch with the organizers, they might be able to point your toward more people/resources.
The local con has a game day several times a year. I'll see about going to the one in early January.
I just downloaded them both and will check them out, thanks.Jackwraith wrote: Also I'm on two apps: GameFor and Gstone
Last edit: 07 Dec 2019 12:03 by Disgustipater.
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07 Dec 2019 12:59 #304870
by Ah_Pook
Replied by Ah_Pook on topic Finding people to play with
If you want to play specific games that are not general BGG hotness style games you have you either have a friend group that already wants to do that, or cultivate a group from the local gamers at large. In my experience this involves a nontrivial amount of going to meetups/game days and playing games with the people there and seeing whos up for stuff you are into. Yknow, that whole being social and making friends thing. I don't know that there's an easy shortcut if there's not a pre-existing group in your area you can join that already is into what you're into. I think you just gotta do the legwork, or content yourself with gaming onanism.
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07 Dec 2019 17:53 #304878
by mezike
Replied by mezike on topic Finding people to play with
^ amen to this.
About ten or twelve years ago I found myself back in the UK having been abroad for a while and my gaming buddies had moved on both figuratively and literally. I went through the drudgery of visiting a number of clubs in and around London and enduring the company of an endless procession of jerks, but along the way I made a new friend here and there and eventually found a club where the mostly normal members were in the majority. I've since spent most of my Wednesday nights going there and forged some more friendships along the way. I still go to the club most weeks but also often catch up with various groups of friends or individuals that I've got to know through all of the shoe-leather that I've done.
I still rarely get to play the games that I really want to but as a superior trade-off I have some great times with people whose company I enjoy. Every so often they indulge me in my taste in games in the same way that I play the oddball things that they like. Sometimes we surprise each other with things we would never have imagined enjoying. It also helps that my son enjoys tabletop games maybe even more than I do and he has similar tastes to me, this way we can get a regular happy dose of Terraforming, Spirit-Islanding or crushing the Rebel Alliance.
About ten or twelve years ago I found myself back in the UK having been abroad for a while and my gaming buddies had moved on both figuratively and literally. I went through the drudgery of visiting a number of clubs in and around London and enduring the company of an endless procession of jerks, but along the way I made a new friend here and there and eventually found a club where the mostly normal members were in the majority. I've since spent most of my Wednesday nights going there and forged some more friendships along the way. I still go to the club most weeks but also often catch up with various groups of friends or individuals that I've got to know through all of the shoe-leather that I've done.
I still rarely get to play the games that I really want to but as a superior trade-off I have some great times with people whose company I enjoy. Every so often they indulge me in my taste in games in the same way that I play the oddball things that they like. Sometimes we surprise each other with things we would never have imagined enjoying. It also helps that my son enjoys tabletop games maybe even more than I do and he has similar tastes to me, this way we can get a regular happy dose of Terraforming, Spirit-Islanding or crushing the Rebel Alliance.
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07 Dec 2019 18:20 #304881
by Gary Sax
Replied by Gary Sax on topic Finding people to play with
Appreciate everyone's tips. Same on everything Disgustipater is talking about for me.
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07 Dec 2019 18:26 #304882
by Disgustipater
Replied by Disgustipater on topic Finding people to play with
Just so it's clear, I'm fine with playing other games that are of a similar style. I'm just looking for people who enjoy that style and would be down for my games as well.
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07 Dec 2019 21:09 #304887
by n815e
Replied by n815e on topic Finding people to play with
My wife and I tried a meetup once. We showed up to the location, the group was reportedly very big and welcoming according to meetup and BGG posts.
When we found them there were about ten people that were basically surprised strangers would show up to their publicly advertised group. Some of them played a short game with us, then we were told they were going to finish up early and leave. After we got our coats and looked back on our way out, feeling disappointed because we were hoping to make new friends to play with and they didn’t seem interested, we saw they all sat back down after we walked out of the room and started a new game.
So we aren’t so quick to look at other groups like this.
When we found them there were about ten people that were basically surprised strangers would show up to their publicly advertised group. Some of them played a short game with us, then we were told they were going to finish up early and leave. After we got our coats and looked back on our way out, feeling disappointed because we were hoping to make new friends to play with and they didn’t seem interested, we saw they all sat back down after we walked out of the room and started a new game.
So we aren’t so quick to look at other groups like this.
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07 Dec 2019 21:56 - 07 Dec 2019 22:03 #304889
by Disgustipater
Replied by Disgustipater on topic Finding people to play with
That sounds like a real shitty group.
Back in 2011 I joined a local meetup that catered more toward Ameritrash and heavy games. I could usually get people for any game I wanted to play; it was great. Over the years it has slowly dwindled to minimal activity, including a couple of years where I wasn't playing much. I think a lot of the regulars just play among themselves these days. I should email a few of them and see about getting back into their orbit.
Back in 2011 I joined a local meetup that catered more toward Ameritrash and heavy games. I could usually get people for any game I wanted to play; it was great. Over the years it has slowly dwindled to minimal activity, including a couple of years where I wasn't playing much. I think a lot of the regulars just play among themselves these days. I should email a few of them and see about getting back into their orbit.
Last edit: 07 Dec 2019 22:03 by Disgustipater.
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07 Dec 2019 22:02 #304890
by Sagrilarus
Replied by Sagrilarus on topic Finding people to play with
There are women near you that spend time with men for money, and they’d appreciate a change of pace.
Option 2 — public meetups. But, go in expecting to find one, maybe two people that you see eye-to-eye with and make it a point to reach out to them to establish a friend group for your kinds of game. Most people you meet there won’t be a good match. Your goal isn’t to play your games, it’s to find players.
Option 2 — public meetups. But, go in expecting to find one, maybe two people that you see eye-to-eye with and make it a point to reach out to them to establish a friend group for your kinds of game. Most people you meet there won’t be a good match. Your goal isn’t to play your games, it’s to find players.
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07 Dec 2019 22:12 #304891
by Gary Sax
Replied by Gary Sax on topic Finding people to play with
^interesting take
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07 Dec 2019 22:25 #304892
by charlest
Replied by charlest on topic Finding people to play with
Ha, for your sanity, my last post was games over a couple of weeks.
I have a strong core group with a friend from high school and people we've supplemented with.
I've met quite a number of friends through a local meetup group. In that format I didn't push for specific games until I had people I repeatedly gamed with and considered them more friends than just meetup people.
I have a strong core group with a friend from high school and people we've supplemented with.
I've met quite a number of friends through a local meetup group. In that format I didn't push for specific games until I had people I repeatedly gamed with and considered them more friends than just meetup people.
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09 Dec 2019 09:10 #304925
by edulis
Replied by edulis on topic Finding people to play with
Didn't there used to be a map on this site that showed where we all lived?
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09 Dec 2019 11:29 - 09 Dec 2019 11:33 #304930
by ubarose
Replied by ubarose on topic Finding people to play with
Never sit at a table alone with your game hoping someone will come up and ask to join you. No one wants to sit with the one sad, dejected looking guy for whom it is more important to play a certain game than to be part of the group - it makes you look like you have no social skills and are no fun to play with. Also, it means that if no one else joins in, they could be stuck with you one-on-one for a while and you might be "that rando guy" that everyone avoids.
Attend meetups, join in and play games that you are not too crazy about, but most importantly, invest the time and energy into making friends with the people you play with. A stranger may sit at your table because they want to play a specific game. Friends will play your games because they want to play with you. Eventually you will be playing one of "your games" with your friends and someone will walk over who is interested in the game, and who wants to be part of your group and ask to play, and the next time there will be another one, and eventually you will have a sub-group at the meet-up playing the kind of games you enjoy.
It takes a long time, and you have to really want it. Ten years ago I attended a group every week for 6 months before it started to happen. Played a lot of dry euros and Ticket to Ride, but made a lot of friends.
Attend meetups, join in and play games that you are not too crazy about, but most importantly, invest the time and energy into making friends with the people you play with. A stranger may sit at your table because they want to play a specific game. Friends will play your games because they want to play with you. Eventually you will be playing one of "your games" with your friends and someone will walk over who is interested in the game, and who wants to be part of your group and ask to play, and the next time there will be another one, and eventually you will have a sub-group at the meet-up playing the kind of games you enjoy.
It takes a long time, and you have to really want it. Ten years ago I attended a group every week for 6 months before it started to happen. Played a lot of dry euros and Ticket to Ride, but made a lot of friends.
Last edit: 09 Dec 2019 11:33 by ubarose.
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