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Barnes vs Schloesser---The First Bomb is Dropped

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11 Jan 2008 15:29 #333 by Deleted User 1
Many people over the last year have asked to see the smackdown list thst I posted about Barnes vs Schloesser. This list is the one that got me banned from created new lists. Hope you enjoy the nostalgia!


Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen! This has got to be the most anticipated grudge match of the decade. Two of gamings most flamboyant personalities square off in the ring tonight! There have been many gaming gurus appear on the scene in the last ten years but the two that stand out are Greg Schloesser and Michael Barnes.

The turnout to see this fight tonight is amazing! You know I almost didnt get in the arena tonight due to the protest from the Carcassonne players group, they did all they could to stop this confrontation!

But like it or not this fight is going down tonight here in Las Vegas! Las Vegas odds have Michael Barnes coming in as a 10 to 1 underdog as Greg Schloesser is the big favorite here tonight! Schloesser just has too much clout and support on his side, he is considered the King of the Euro gamers and Barnes has got his work cut out for him tonight if he is to bring down Greg Schlosser.

Michael Barnes has burst on the scene, out of nowhere, out to prove that he knows gaming. These two have seemed quite friendly in pre fight interviews and have even agreed on some games but Vegas insiders tell me that Barnes is pulling no punches and wants to see Schloesser fall. Barnes and others in his posse feel that Schloesser as of late has had a Emperors New Clothes mentality and will praise any game with wooden cubes. While Barnes has single handedly led an old school revival that has become a burr under Schloessers hide. Gregs people tell me that Greg has said in private that he wants to squash Barnes like a bug! It is good to see a little fight in Schloesser. He used to laugh when he would lose at Puerto Rico but like Patton said, I wouldnt give a hoot in hell for a man that lost and laughed!

Wait a minute, Here comes Greg now into the ring! The crowd is on its feet! Greg is dressed like a Roman Emperor in a Toga! Greg enters the ring with his manager Rick Thornquist. Thornquist says Schloesser wants to end this quick since he has a Torres game set up he needs to finish tonight.

OK(engines roaring) WOW! Here comes Michael Barnes into the arena! He is riding a Harley and, it looks like he is being escorted by two Orcs!!! There is a large group of heavy set, bearded men sitting in the front row booing at Michael Barnes! Barnes enters the ring as his Orc escorts spit in Schloesser's direction. Schloesser looks awful pale, but I think that is because he has been spending too much time with the games, like someone said recently , Go Shoot some hoops, Greg. I hope Schloesser is in shape enough to take Barnes. But I tell you what, Schloesser's hair is perfect!!!

Barnes, is eating a slice of pizza and tipping a pizza guy at ring side as the bell rings and we get ready for action.

8 rounds of fighting!







Round 1 Dungeon quest

WOW! What a surprise Michael Barnes comes out lashing at Greg Schlosser with a copy of Dungeon Quest. Greg is hit hard and is complaining to the ref about the randomness.

Barnes keeps up the attack, his Orc companions loving every minute of it as the audience goes into a state of shock! Barnes is having a field day with this! The bell rings as manager Rick Thornquist wipes down Schloesser.

I gotta give that round to Barnes, despite the randomness the game is just too fun!


Round 2

El Grande

Greg has regained his composure, and comes out with his best shot early. Greg throws El Grande right at Barnes and Barnes goes down, he is down folks

1..2..3.. Barnes gets up and throw a handful of cubes into Schloessers face, Greg is blind out there and Barnes connects with a left hook, Greg is down!!! Yes, Greg is down!!!

1..2..3.. Greg gets up and the bell rings and Thornquist has a deer in the headlights look as Barnes yells to Schlosser's corner, is that all you got! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!

What a round! This place is on fire! Everyone is on their feet. I gotta call that round a draw. Both these guys have valid points on each side...

Round 3


Michael Barnes does some fancy foot work, and out of nowhere pulls out Merchant of Venus. Greg looks confused. Last time his group played this game "confusion reined surpreme" and this time is no exception Greg is clearly confused. Barnes has the advantage here because the game is not nearly as complicated as it seems. Greg is caught looking at the rule book, Greg goes down!! 1..2..3..4..Greg gets up and stumbles to his stool with his head swollen, no doubt from trying to read that rulebook! Schlosser is clearly out of shape because I remember being 12 years old and reading that rulebook just fine with NO confusion! The round goes to Michael Barnes!!!

Round 4

Michael Barnes is clearly got the momentum on his side as he pulls out the Dungeons and Dragons board game! I don't think Greg can take too many more dungeon crawls! Greg takes a hard Kidney punch from Barnes as he is slung into Barnes' corner, now the Orcs are strangling Greg, Thornquist runs into the ring and the round is over. Greg took a pounding that round! The round goes to Michael Barnes, it was clearly a good game!


Round 5

This is unbelieveable! Barnes unleases an atomic bomb and launches "Heroscape" directly into Schlosser's path! This is clearly Barnes' finest hour and he is clearly showing the American superiority as Schlosser is reeling. Schlosser's dream was to get "Settlers of Catan" into Toy's R US but now the only thing on his mind is to make out of this fight alive! The round easily goes to Barnes.

Take a look at that folks.. There is Knizia at ringside in sunglasses. He does not look happy! Vegas insiders say Knizia bet the farm on Schlosser, and who wouldn't! Schlosser came in to this fight a 10 to 1 favorite!


Round 6

I don't think Schlosser has much left. Barnes has something up his sleeve. WHAT?!!!
Michael Barnes has pulled out a copy of "RA"...Knizia is on his feet throwing popcorn at the Barnes contingent. Schlosser is stunned...A totally unexpected turn of events as Barnes hits Schlosser with a Classic Euro! Barnes is taunting Schlosser, what's wrong Greg, you don't "get" this Euro game? Hmmmm...Look at the name Greg, Knizia!!
Greg goes down...1...2..saved by the bell as Thornquist pulls Greg to the corner.


Round 7

Let's listen in at Greg's corner..."Cmon Greg, you gotta pull something together here, this thing is turning into a nightmare!!! "

Greg is on his feet and Barnes comes out smiling eating another slice of pizza! Greg closes in on Barnes and pulls a gun on Barnes! Is that legal? Greg has pulled out Ca$H and Guns and Barnes is taken back.. but just for a moment..

Greg starts laughing and says, "This is Silly!" Michael Barnes takes the gun from Greg!

The bell rings and I give the round to Michael Barnes!!!


Round 8

Last Round.. Greg needs a knockout here! He pulls out all the stops and pulls out "Thurn and Taxis" Michael Barnes is clearly pale! This could be it Barnes is reeling, he clearly felt that blow from Schlosser! Wait.. Barnes is pulling out a picture..its Greg's wife Gail playing "Thurn and Taxis" She looks bored to tears! Barnes yells, "Is this what gaming is about?!?" Greg Schlosser goes down, 1...2..3..4..5..6.7..8..9..10

Greg has been knocked out!!! Michael Barnes has pulled off the upset of the century.

Wow! It looks like Greg in that Roman toga was appropriate tonight, as we have seen the fall of Rome! What a fight!

Congratulations Michael!!

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11 Jan 2008 15:35 #334 by Ken B.
This is offensive on about five different levels. Enjoy your weeklong suspension, to begin at a time of my choosing.

Also, I expect a retraction on your official site as well as a podcast devoted to apologizing to our readers.

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11 Jan 2008 15:41 #337 by Michael Barnes
It only took about six hours for Steve Weeks and his ilk to turn F:AT into a venomous, hateful place. Where are you, o friendly avatars?

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11 Jan 2008 15:44 - 11 Jan 2008 15:45 #339 by Deleted User 1

It only took about six hours for Steve Weeks and his ilk to turn F:AT into a venomous, hateful place. Where are you, o friendly avatars?


That post is about as venomous as a tribble.
Last edit: 11 Jan 2008 15:45 by Deleted User 1.

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11 Jan 2008 16:26 #348 by Michael Barnes
You're right. But your "Unterbadge" still says you're a wiener.

Shit, mine does too.

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11 Jan 2008 16:29 #349 by BoB3K
You know what that match is missing? Barnes manager, Steve Weeks, getting hit in the head with an errant flying metal folding chair. I think that is the original source of his cube confusion.

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11 Jan 2008 18:46 #375 by Mr Skeletor
Its just not the same without the game pictures.

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11 Jan 2008 19:54 #389 by Michael Barnes
Or the comments, where it really revealed for the first time how far some people have their head stuck up their own asses...and how completely non-serious I took the whole thing.

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12 Jan 2008 20:42 #500 by maka
Still as funny... some people just don't have a sense of humor...

-Jorge

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14 Jan 2008 07:42 #583 by Schweig!
Best geeklist ever.

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14 Jan 2008 16:23 #641 by Malloc
How dare you post such a degrading message about Mr. Schloesser.

I want to stand up and say the he was responsible for the first 5 games I had to trade away after 2 plays. Without him glorious games like St. Petersburg would have never made it into my collection.

Keep up the good work Greg!

-M

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14 Jan 2008 16:58 #649 by Ska_baron
This shoulda been a fatlist.

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