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Bugs: Recent Topics Paging, Uploading Images & Preview (11 Dec 2020)

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× Talk about whatever you like related to games that doesn't fit anywhere else.

The Chinese Water Torture Reinvented

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07 Apr 2008 11:00 #4768 by Deleted User 1



(Drip) Hello Alan, I am glad to be able to attend the full 10 days of the Gathering of Friends. My wife said I need a vacation and let me come to this gaming orgy!

(Drip) Wow, Alan what a selection of games you have and what a great night last night! I haven't stayed up all night playing games since I was in college, what an absolute thrill to be here!

(Drip) Alan, thanks for allowing me to playtest your prototype, "Ticket to Ride: Confederate Railroad" It was certainly my pleasure to play it 14 times so you could get the balance right! This convention is great!


Meanwhile , back at home.

"Mom, where is Dad?'

"Well, your daddy went on a little trip to play some boardgames"

"Will he be back today?"

"No, honey..."


Back to the convention...

(Drip)

Wow, Alan the prize table sure looks tempting, I am glad I am staying the whole 10 days!!

(Drip) What do you mean I can't make that move!!! Take this (throwing dice)

(Alan raises an eyebrow)


(Drip) Walking in unshaved, and having no sleep our new attendee at the GOF looks bleary eyed at the tables of games and starts to head back up to his room when Alan says,

"Where are you going? When I invited you I was hoping you could make the commitment?"

OK...OK....

(Drip)

Thornquist, Schloesser and Aldie come walking in with ice cream cones as our new attendee looks up from a game of Amun Re. Thornquist, quickly offers advise but then sees the red badge on our GOF newby and rushes off red faced.

(Drip)

Our attendee soon realizes he hasn't called home in 5 days, he picks up the phone and calls...Its busy

Meanwhile at home...

So Marge how is your hubby...

"Well he went on a little vacation to play some boardgames..

"Oh really, over the weekend?"

"No... for 10 days...."

"10 days!!! You call that a little vacation? How can anyone play boardgames for 10 days!!!"


Back at the convention..

(Drip) Bombs are going off all around me, bullet fire, snipers are hidden in the woods firing from all angles, I must escape...

Our GOF attendee was having a bad dream, he awakes from a deep sleep , sweating and looks at the clock... Its 3:00am and he is late for playing another prototype by Alan...He runs downstairs, in his cube pajamas, unshaven , unbathed, as he walks in he sees everyone stare at him.

Alan walks over and removes his red badge.

Shamed our GOF attendee walks dazed out into the parking lot and is arrested for being under the influence of the cube.

The cell door slams..

(Drip) Let me out!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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07 Apr 2008 16:21 #4780 by Michael Barnes
Dude, I'm actually at The Gathering right now! I snuck in all Alex Jones style, I'm in disguise...I didn't want it to be too obvious and I didn't feel like wearing a fat suit so I eschewed the typical "fat, bearded gamer" look and went for this:



Here are my Day 1 observations:

- Alan Moon is constantly approached by all these "beautiful" gamer women, all with ratty, dyed red hair and clevage that appears to be more BK Value Menu than silicon.

- I hung out for a while with Rick Thornquist. He wouldn't look me in the eye for some reason. I "accidentally" knocked his ice cream cone out of his hand and it went flying into the middle of a game of BRASS. The sprinkles made the game look more fun.

- The hot game here is ALAN MOON: THE GAME. In the game, the goal is to impress Alan Moon by collecting sets of colored cards and you win a ticket to the Gathering of Friends. If you fail, nothing happens but you don't get to see the secret prototype of THE TICKET TO RIDE CARD GAME BOARD GAME or hang out with Friedemann Friese.

- There's a whole lotta fanny packs. And I've seen a whole lotta asthma inhalers come out of those.

- The peacocks, often reported by other GoF, are back. There is also a white tiger and an ice sculpture of the Grande piece from EL GRANDE.

- AT games are fully represented: DESCENT, DESCENT: WELL OF DARKNESS, DESCENT: ALTAR OF DESPAIR, and DESCENT: ROAD TO LEGEND.

- The LOOPIN' LOUIE tournament will be held on Day 8. Man, I'm looking forward to that one. I've loaded a special plane with nitro glycerin.

- There's a special ribbon on the badges now for "Recent or Pending Divorcee" for the noble gentlemen who have sacrificed their relationships for the hobby

- Tommorrow I am going to play AGRICOLA with Greg Schloesser. I've secretly replaced "Deck K" with a pack containing...THE HORRIBLE BLACK VOID. There may be a riot. Stay tuned.

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07 Apr 2008 19:13 #4790 by colleen

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08 Apr 2008 07:17 #4807 by Schweig!
Are the red badge wearing newcomers still picked up from the parking place by red painted train wagons (modeled after the TTR ones)?

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08 Apr 2008 09:57 #4813 by Michael Barnes
Yes they are. And I have one of the red badges.

They pick you up in this big black limousine from the airport. It's pretty unremarkable but it has one of those "I'd rather be playing Ticket to Ride" license plate frames. Inside the car there's a full bar, a magnetic table with these travel editions of Alan Moon games, and "exotic" women to greet attendees. By exotic, I mean that these are the kind of girls who spent more time reading the MONSTER MANUAL than VOGUE, and likely picked up their fashion tips there. I'm fairly convinced one of the ladies in my limo (which I might ought to point out that I shared with Reiner Knizia and former British PM Tony Blair)was a Bugbear.

The windows are blacked out so you can't see where it goes but it seems like it was about an hour away from the Columbus airport. When you get out, they put the red badge on you and there's this big train. The red car is for the new initiates and it is, as others have surmised, the caboose. I saw Scott Alden and Derk Solko getting in the rainbow car, if that means anything to you. I'm not sure what all the coding means, but I did see a single black car that apparently contained Frank Branham, his wife Sandi, and 20% of his game collection. Mr. Knizia was handed an engineer's hat and a pair of flash overalls and was lead to the engine. I asked one of the handlers- these guys in full-body meeple costumes- when we would get to meet Alan Moon. He stabbed me in the stomach with a rubber truncheon and shoved me into the caboose, saying "Reds don't get to meet Mr. Moon until day 7".

The train goes through these hidden passageways and eventually you arrive at this Shangri-La like palace that looks straight out of a Eurogame.

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08 Apr 2008 10:19 #4814 by Schweig!
Somebody hit you in the stomach? Doesn't that entail 3 consecutive sessions of Settlers WITHOUT the Cities and Knights expansion, and bedtime at 10pm?

Are you excited about the Live Action game of Memoir '44 yet? I heard neophytes were going to "act" as the first wave in the Omaha beach scenario. Don't forget your jockstrap - Knizia and his German boardgame designer friends are shooting low.

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08 Apr 2008 14:28 #4821 by Deleted User 1

I asked one of the handlers- these guys in full-body meeple costumes- when we would get to meet Alan Moon. He stabbed me in the stomach with a rubber truncheon and shoved me into the caboose, saying "Reds don't get to meet Mr. Moon until day 7".


Those guys in the meeple costumes are not to be trifled with as they are tougher than they look! One recent attendee who would like to remain anonymous confided in me that the worst part of the GOF is the body cavity search for dice. They don't want anyone smuggling in dice to the event. This guy almost lost his red badge as one of the handlers thought he found a brown polyhedral die in the guys underwear but the truth be told he was just really excited and was in need of a stool softener.

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08 Apr 2008 14:52 - 08 Apr 2008 14:54 #4822 by Michael Barnes
Somebody hit you in the stomach? Doesn't that entail 3 consecutive sessions of Settlers WITHOUT the Cities and Knights expansion, and bedtime at 10pm?

"Reds" are asked to leave at 10PM anyway, and we're then escorted to these barracks where they force us to watch MAZES AND MONSTERS to warn us of the dangers of roleplaying.

Are you excited about the Live Action game of Memoir '44 yet? I heard neophytes were going to "act" as the first wave in the Omaha beach scenario. Don't forget your jockstrap - Knizia and his German boardgame designer friends are shooting low.

I declined to participate, but I wound up slated in this live action PUERTO RICO game...I didn't realize that we "reds" would be slaves, they lied and told us we'd get to be colonists. I'm really glad I didn't sign up for the live action AGRICOLA.

Speaking of MEMOIR, Richard Borg is here...he's kind of Moon's second-in-command it seems, with Aaron Weissblum constantly sniveling ala Wormtongue behind Most High Potentate and Officiator, Eternal First Player Moon. Mr. Borg has 120 different versions of COMMAND AND COLOURS on display here including a Boer War edition and a special MONOPOLY themed version. Every BATTLELORE expansion that will ever be released for all of time is here, and the game still sucks. I asked him about SIEGE OF THE CITADEL and he said that he designed it under the influence of the Devil, which prompted him to design REDEMPTION, that goofy christian TALISMAN style game.

Those guys in the meeple costumes are not to be trifled with as they are tougher than they look!

I'm scared to death of them. I'm about 100% certain that one of them is Matthew "Octavian" Monin. He's the Blue one, I think. I saw this one guy who tried to smuggle a copy of ZOMBIES!!! in, "for the trade table" he claimed, and he was clubbed mercilessly by Green, Yellow, and Black. Then they took the game and burned it as part of this ceremony they call "The Funeral of Fun". I'll tell you, it's pretty horrifying to see grown men in Meeple costumes joining hands around a pile of games like CUTTHROAT CAVERNS, NUCLEAR WAR, FAMILY BUSINESS, and WRASSLIN' going up in flames.

They kept saying that Jessica Alba, who recently blogged that she liked to play APPLES TO APPLES, was there but the girl was clearly a hooker.
Last edit: 08 Apr 2008 14:54 by Michael Barnes.

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08 Apr 2008 15:20 #4824 by Deleted User 1
The Mad Gamer breaks into the red caboose as it travels to the GOF Convention

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvuNKWtrSiM&feature=related

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08 Apr 2008 16:14 #4828 by Michael Barnes
It was sad what happened after that video...the Meeples converged on Steve and beat him down while some jackass named "Drew" took pictures, snorting and laughing the whole time. Then they tossed him out the back and I guess he made his way back to Texas.

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09 Apr 2008 10:57 #4851 by Schweig!
Michael Barnes wrote:

- There's a special ribbon on the badges now for "Recent or Pending Divorcee" for the noble gentlemen who have sacrificed their relationships for the hobby.

That's too sad. At least Alan promised mass marriages at the Live Action Agricola game.

Michael Barnes wrote:

It was sad what happened after that video...the Meeples converged on Steve and beat him down while some jackass named "Drew" took pictures, snorting and laughing the whole time.

Is that the same "Drew" who was going to perform as a stand-up comedian on Day 3?

His recent program is supposedly called: "Do you remember that asinine user named crackedlcd81?"

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