Announcing: Gaming by Michael Luxury Gaming Accessories

After over a decade of trying to get Milch und Gherkin off the ground, I have decided to shift gears and go to where the rubber meets the road. The big gaming dollars isn't in games where you make cubes of one color turn into cubes of another color anymore, it is in luxury gaming products such as Table Toppers and Board Game Bowls. So it is with great honor that I am announcing that I will be developing a series of luxury gaming accessories for the adult gamessieur.

"Gamessieur", you ask? Why, that is the name I am giving to the middle aged men for whom a dice tray and a set of card sleeves simply is not enough. Gamessieurs want only the best - these are the gentlemen who want the best hand feel, the most efficient storage, total convenience, and the utmost protection. Gaming by Michael luxury gaming accessories will quench the gamessieurs' thirst for adult gaming perfection.

It is too soon to announce the Gaming by Michael luxury gaming accessories line, but here is a preview of the products currently under development:

- The Underboard- this deluxe luxury game mat is designed for you to place underneath a game board or another game mat to ensure that spilled beverages or nuisance table dust does not touch the underside of your precious games. These will come in a variety of browns to match most popular game boards and for an extra charge you can get a steampunk design screen printed on them. Or, for no charge, you can get the Gaming by Michael logo sticker put on it by one of our gaming technicians.

- Board Gaming Mitts- Similar to the popular baseball or golf glove, these real leather gloves will help to ensure that dirty, oily skin never comes into contact with gaming components. Available in packs of 1-6 so that you may glove all players at your table.

- The Gaming Trough- This handy and convenient shoulder-mounted feeding device keeps your snacks and drinks well above your expensive board gaming table. Spilling a coke as you try to fit it into a table-mounted cupholder is a tragedy of the past. The Gaming Trough assists your game time snacking by holding your hot dog or Cheetos at mouth level- and you do not even have to touch the food to eat it! The Gaming by Michael logo sticker nn the front lets everyone at the table know that you are a very serious game player.

- Bit Bins- These deluxe plastic cases may look like the bead sorters from Hobby Lobby, but the gold Gaming by Michael logo sticker insists otherwise. Keep your bits from mixing in the box by keeping them separated by virtually impenetrable plastic walls. Tough, one-piece construction and a low profile make Gaming by Michael Bit Bins a must-have for all of the games you own.

- The Leaderboard- Who's winning? That may be one of the most asked questions in gaming. The Leaderboard is a versatile device that allows you to track and identify who is winning at a glance. Players report their score to the person holding the Leaderboard, who inscribes it onto real wood pulp paper using a pen with four different colors (black, red, green, and blue). A real metal spiral holds the pages together and the cover features the classic Gaming by Michael logo sticker.

Many more Gaming by Michael luxury gaming accessories are under development, such as the Gamewave EMP device that will stop all of those annoying texts from wives and girlfriends as well as between turn googling or Hearthstoning.

Watch for our Kickstarter soon- we need to raise $1 million within 7 days to make these dreams come true for gamessieurs everywhere!

Shut up and take my money!

This is a good start, but I was hoping to see a larger product line.

Some suggestions:

1. Personal croupier stick
2. Dice sanitizer
3. Board sleeves (like card sleeves, only board-sized)
4. Card holders (similar to the wooden racks used in Scrabble, only card-sized)

The gaming probe. When inserted, it monitors your internal temperature and adjusts the game room thermostat accordingly.

Suggestions:

COLLECTOR PENNY MAKER
Every time a game is played that you love but will never see the table again can be commemorated with a crushed, imprinted penny, inscribed with “Your Dreams Are Crushed”

ALPHA PLAYER TAPE ROLL
Sick of Brad, that cunt, telling people what to do every time you play a co/op? BARNESWARE has the answer! Pre-perforated tape for the mouths of Brads everywhere - simply peel and apply!

AP CUNTWAGON BADGE BY SUPERFLY CIRCUS
This licensed product is unlike any first player token you’ve ever seen! Hand sculpted resin depicts a Red Ryder wagon containing a pile of rancid cat shit! Next time ol’ Brad takes back his turn for the third time or takes 9 minutes on his turn, just roll this over to him! He’ll get the clue!

These are all excellent ideas that I may take from you without credit.

I didn't want to announce it yet, but I will out of kindness.

THE GAMING TABLE SLEEVE- This FULL TABLE sleeve will help to ensure that your expensive furniture investment stays in like-new condition for all time. Made out of a tough, blue interwoven textile, the Gaming By Michael Table Sleeve also includes metal eyelet rings so you can secure the tarp-like sleeve to the ground.

I am also working with a shoe company to develop a line of board gaming footwear.

Michael Barnes wrote: THE GAMING TABLE SLEEVE- This FULL TABLE sleeve will help to ensure that your expensive furniture investment stays in like-new condition for all time. Made out of a tough, blue interwoven textile, the Gaming By Michael Table Sleeve also includes metal eyelet rings so you can secure the tarp-like sleeve to the ground.

When I moved into my house six years ago, I bought a big Ikea table and paid an electrician to upgrade my basement gameroom lighting. I showed the electrician where I wanted the new light fixture, and he was curious about the table. When I told him about my board game hobby, he suggested that I buy a table cloth to protect the table from dice.

You guys should really watch the Commentocracy videos ond youtube.

I'd love to pledge, but I need to know that these gaming accessories will work with my solo games. I also need some stretch goals and an early bird, or I'll take my dollars elsewhere.

Where is the padded carrying bags that will prevent my boxes from getting worn when I move them from Kallax to Kallax?

When I told him about my board game hobby, he suggested that I buy a table cloth to protect the table from dice.

In his defense, dice do make a shitload of noticeable tiny dents in soft woods like birch which is a common veneer.

"Gamessieur" is clunky and awkward to pronounce. Go with "Ludossieur", it's a far more elegant and balanced portmanteau.

The main stretch goal will be the game collection warehouse "Logisti-Sleave". A giant felt and polyurethane covered warehouse to keep the ever-growing mound of cardboard and plastic which will rightfully never see the light of day. Now you can rest assured that this guarded treasure trove will keep your mind at ease for a small monthly fortune. Limited access!!

What the hobby really needs is an oversized, padded bag that I can carry loaded up with my slightly smaller, padded, oversized bag full of games, which are individually padded and bagged.

+1 if it attaches to an umbrella stroller, because I really want to protect the important things in life while pushing my kid through a game hall.

You know, you're joking about this, but there were people paying $8000 in advance for gaming furniture. I think you're thinking too small. I'd wager you could put an entire furniture suite up on Kickstarter, table, chairs, the boardgame equivalent of a china hutch, and specially designed game-room lighting sold as a set for $18,000 and pull orders. Give it a haughty double entendre gaming name like "The El Grande" and require payment up front in installments. You'll need to assign each buyer a "concierge" to assist them with their options, the whole nine yards. I'll bet you a bottle of Maker's Mark that you get people signing up.

It's like the soccer moms on the sidelines Saturday morning. Each is looking to out-do the other in The Battle of the Extravagance. "You went to Rome with the kids this year? We did that the last two years. We went to St. Petersburg this year, then to Antarctica." You'll get buyers looking to prove they're more dedicated to the faith than anyone else, more willing to spend money just so they can say they spent it.