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What POSITIVE CHANGES are you making in your life?

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07 Dec 2017 11:27 #258714 by Gary Sax
To say adding kids and to a much lesser extent marriage changes things is an epic understatement.
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07 Dec 2017 13:27 #258724 by Black Barney
And the kids trump the marriage by a wide margin. Marriage only changes the financial upside for the wife.

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07 Dec 2017 14:04 - 07 Dec 2017 14:05 #258727 by Gary Sax

Black Barney wrote: Marriage only changes the financial upside for the wife.


Uh, ok. I think you may have some lingering things to think about, but you do you I guess.

I was more referring to the fact that if the relationship at one time justified entering a binding commitment it may also justify more relationship work to see if it was salvageable.
Last edit: 07 Dec 2017 14:05 by Gary Sax.
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07 Dec 2017 15:29 #258737 by stormseeker75
It is my great regret in life that I didn't put more work into saving my first marriage. I still think we would have ended up separate, but at least I would know we left it all on the table. So if you have even a fucking iota of thought that you should put effort in, DO IT.
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21 Sep 2018 12:21 #282040 by dysjunct
I stopped drinking at home. It was too easy to drink too much if I didn't have to go anywhere.

I'm still lifting and I've started running a little, in the context of dog-walking -- when we get to a hill in the trails behind my house, we sprint up it.

I think I stopped meditating and flossing about two seconds after this thread died last year.
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21 Sep 2018 12:26 #282041 by barrowdown

dysjunct wrote: I stopped drinking at home. It was too easy to drink too much if I didn't have to go anywhere.

I'm still lifting and I've started running a little, in the context of dog-walking -- when we get to a hill in the trails behind my house, we sprint up it.

I think I stopped meditating and flossing about two seconds after this thread died last year.


I also stopped drinking at home for similar reasons. It was not really impacting any aspect of my life, I just did not like the tired groggy feeling in the morning when I woke up and the essentially useless calories were probably something better left out.

I started running as well in May and it has been going fairly well. Only about 20-25 miles a week and I am slow as hell, but it is a decent way to space out.
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21 Sep 2018 12:47 #282043 by the_jake_1973
I am making a conscious effort not to shield my wife from the stresses I feel from my work. I recently became the manager of the team I was on and the accompanying stresses have been rather distracting. Since my wife recently had her second chair leave at the salon she owns, she inherited all of that person's clients as well. By my nature, I don't feel right unloading my garbage onto her after she has put in a stressful day as well. I am much more comfortable being the sounding board for her to unload on than the reverse. I generally want to leave shit at the office if at all possible. It is becoming increasingly difficult to do that due to keeping my prior workload in addition to managing the team. So....talking it out is the prescription going forward. This is going to be a bigger challenge than training for my triathlons.


Also looking forward to another race year in 2019 and possibly talking myself into a cyclocross bike. I obviously need a third bike/race hobby. A buddy and I are doing the Legend of the Dogman rogaine (long event orienteering) next month. An 18hr event here in Michigan on Oct. 20th. This is one good thing about working at a place where the average age is 10-15 years younger than me. I can find someone to talk into stupid events like this.
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21 Sep 2018 13:18 #282048 by ChristopherMD

the_jake_1973 wrote: I am making a conscious effort not to shield my wife from the stresses I feel from my work. I recently became the manager of the team I was on and the accompanying stresses have been rather distracting. Since my wife recently had her second chair leave at the salon she owns, she inherited all of that person's clients as well. By my nature, I don't feel right unloading my garbage onto her after she has put in a stressful day as well. I am much more comfortable being the sounding board for her to unload on than the reverse. I generally want to leave shit at the office if at all possible. It is becoming increasingly difficult to do that due to keeping my prior workload in addition to managing the team. So....talking it out is the prescription going forward. This is going to be a bigger challenge than training for my triathlons.


You should absolutely talk to her or someone (coworker/friend). Takes like 1 minute to get that stuff out and you will feel better than carrying it around with you. I get a lot of stress from my job sometimes too so I know how it is.
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21 Sep 2018 13:30 #282050 by Shellhead

Shellhead wrote: After talking it over with me, my sister checked my mother into a hospice this week. My mother has been suffering from dementia for the last nine years, and my sister is a nurse, so she moved in to take care of her. Last year, my mom started using a wheelchair because she was having some balance issues. Now she has been diagnosed with cancer and it is already stage four. A few days ago, my mom stopped eating and drinking. So the hospice will keep her hydrated and ease her pain.

My girlfriend is concerned, because I dealt with my father's death by stuffing down all my emotions and working hard. During the seven months after his death, I got the flu twice and the common cold four times. I nearly got fired, and then I became acting CEO for six weeks. So my girlfriend wants me to try to process my feelings in a more healthy way this time. I don't know what that means, but it sounds good. Therapy isn't in the budget, but maybe I could try meditation.


Too bad that this thread lapsed so many months ago. I wish I had re-read my post above several months back.

My mother died on Thanksgiving. She was napping after eating a bit of her Thanksgiving meal at the hospice, and quietly passed away in her sleep. My sister was there when it happened, but she's a nurse so she handled it okay. I eventually got some money from the estate, and paid off my credit cards and bought a newer vehicle for my girlfriend. Her vehicle at the time was 15 years old and had more than 200,000 miles on it.

Though my mother's death was a gentle release from Alzheimer's and cancer, I still didn't deal with it well. I stuffed down my emotions and worked hard. Communication gradually broke down with my girlfriend after too many fights about spending. I gave her a harsh ultimatum in August, and she called my bluff by moving out. She borrowed money for the damage deposit and first month rent on the upstairs of a small house owned by an old woman. She is locked into a one-year lease that she can't quite afford, even after picking up some extra shifts at her part-time second job. In recent weeks, I discovered that I still love her very much. She still sleeps at my house every night, in the spare bedroom, so there is some hope.

More recently, I found out that I am losing my job. The owner of the company is selling the core business, and the buyer doesn't need any accountants. I have two weeks left on the job, and then I am getting 10 weeks of severance/vacation pay. My last two job searches took 9 months each, so I am worried in spite of the low unemployment rate.

I also lost track of the flossing in recent months, and never even tried meditation.

So the positive changes I am making:
1. Looking for a better job, hopefully with a more reasonable commute.
2. Reading up on negotiation and conflict resolution.
3. Giving serious thought to my relationship with my girlfriend, so I can decide if I want to try to save the relationship or move on.
4. Exercising more, to seek a positive outlet for my current stress.
5. Flossing more, starting, um, maybe tonight.
6. While I can't seem to find time to meditate, I bought a leash and harness and now take my cat for a walk around the yard every night. It's relaxing, except when the weather is too bad for a walk and he keeps nagging me to take him out anyway.
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21 Sep 2018 13:38 #282053 by Michael Barnes
That’s heavy man, take care of yourself.

I don’t have anything heavy to add. I was just going to say that I’ve started skateboarding again. My son got a little crap board and that lead to me buying a $35 cruiser which led to me buying a $99 Sector 9 on clearance to buying a $150 Land Yachtz. I’ve been going out almost every day and it has brought much happiness. I stopped skating when I was like 18 or 19, here I am 42 years old and trying to relearn how to Ollie.

I did totally bust it a few weeks ago. Came down this hill and couldn’t carve out this curve so I bailed and went flying. So I got on the board and tried it again. Did exactly the same thing. I was almost unable to walk for about a week.

It’s a positive change for a lot of reasons, and it’s getting me out to exercise a lot more. My goal is to hit the skatepark ramps by next summer.

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21 Sep 2018 13:48 #282055 by Count Orlok
Man, I'm in need of some changes. I hate where I live (moved here because my wife got a job), hate my job (underpaid, undignified, and unrewarding adjunct work), and hate myself (that's normal though). She's on the lookout for few jobs, but they are few and far between, so I'm likely stuck here for another few years.

One thing I've slowly been working on is building up my wood shop. I'm making instruments (which I've talked about a little before) but am currently messing around with building crokinole boards with veneering. It's nice to have the outlet, but I haven't gotten confident enough to try and sell anything, and it's hard to fit in around my other work.
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21 Sep 2018 13:56 #282057 by jeb
I got an Apple Watch, trying to game-ify my life a little. Closing my rings and all that. That's been good. I like to see heart stats and that kind of thing. I'd gone through three FitBits, but the fucking straps on those things suck. This has been good for me and the Breathe app is a surprisingly nice tool. It's working for me.

I am going to fire up a Talmud study with a friend over Skype. Makkot if you know about that stuff. Need to bolster my spiritual well-being and all that.

For flossing, I recommend the little one-shot pick/flosser thingies. They are hassle-free, and the only cost is some mild environmental regret for being so first world. But your teeth don't rot out of your head and that's nice.

Mike: be careful. My body doesn't recover like it once did. I am doing the same Ultimate or less and even little aches take weeks to clear (if ever--I usually just aggravate them back up before they ever go away).
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21 Sep 2018 14:18 - 21 Sep 2018 14:22 #282060 by Cranberries
I have a spare longboard deck if anyone can use it. I like the drop down effect of Land Yachtz---easier on the back. Before going to China in 2012 I bailed while trying to make a turn and bruised my ribs. I didn't skate much in Doha because I want to live, and haven't picked it up since I got back because my skating son moved out and we only have one board now. We used to ride them to the store and church meetings. I want to make a land paddle.

I bought some dental tools to clean my teeth to make for some extended skipping flossing, and to reduce my embarrassment when I go back to the dentist.

My weight has plateaued at 198.5 (that is weighing myself naked, right after I poop). I need to get down to 180 to lose this gut.

My knee is better and I've been riding the recumbent to work and back, which has been nice. I'm going to mount a bluetooth speaker today for podcasts.

I'm using the Vitamin R app to try and focus on all the grading I need to do.

I stumbled across this, which has really got me thinking about distraction.

Last edit: 21 Sep 2018 14:22 by Cranberries.
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21 Sep 2018 18:02 #282079 by Da Bid Dabid

cranberries wrote: I bought some dental tools to clean my teeth to make for some extended skipping flossing, and to reduce my embarrassment when I go back to the dentist.


Please be careful with dental tools without training. You are more likely to do damage than any good.
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21 Sep 2018 18:44 #282081 by ubarose
I’m trying very hard to not eat stuff I’m allergic to. Forgot my lunch at home today. Finding something to eat required the folks at the deli pulling things out of the display so I could read the ingredients on the wrappers.
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