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Lord of the Rings recast
- Black Barney
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I threw my neck out yesterday morning looking at my daughter in the back seat while driving so I'm at home today with a super stiff neck and have nothing better to do. So here is the fruit of my efforts:
Gimli = Zach Galifinakis
Denethor = Brian Cranston
Boromir = Liam Hemsworth
Faramir = Chris Hemsworth
Gollum = Emma Stone (no makeup required)
Galadriel = Tilda Swinton. Or Scarlett Johannsen. Both would be good.....or Frances MacDormind(sp?)
Bilbo = Gerard Depardieu
Elrond = That amazing actor from Ingloriuos Basterds who played the Jew Hunter
Aragorn = maybe someone who can act this time. How about Danny Houston?
random hobbit that gets killed = Justin Beiber
Sam = Jeremy Renner
Merry = Mark Ruffalo
Pippen = Edward Norton
Frodo = Bradley Whitford (genius)
Grima = Bill Murray
Gandalf = Richard Jenkins
Legolas = Ryan Gosling (it's not even close)
Arwen = Gwyneth Paltrow (as long as she doesnt speak English)
Eowyn = Heather Graham
Eomer = Bruce Willis
I refuse to recast Theoden cuz I'd want to play him myself so bad.
So in good dork fashion, let's discuss and tweak where possible.
If someone says Kristen Stewart would likely get the role of Arwen, I will empty out into your hair.
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- Black Barney
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Saruman is impossible to cast. It's like Christopher Lee was born to play that role. We need someone who would be an obvious mentor to Richard Jenkins' gandalf and not get upstaged by Bill Murray (almost impossible).
How about something weird like Richard Dreyfuss?
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- SuperflyPete
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That said, Gary Oldman could do an admirable job. After seeing the TTSS reboot with him, he can do old really well.
John Hurt could do it, but I'll always think of him as an android (synthetic person)
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Kristen Steward should get the role of one of those corpses in the swamp because a corpse is just about the only thing she can act as. That or a heroine junkie, but there aren't any of those in the movie so a corpse it is. Also, make Gondor all black guys and cast Cuba Gooding Jr. as Boromir to piss off the nerds. The whole fellowship meeting in Rivendell was boring as shit and should be redone as a musical number.
Casting Daniel Crag as anything but James Bond is bullshit because that would keep him from putting out more Bond movies, and he's a great Bond. Fuck him being in nerd movies, Lord of the Rings gets Dalton.
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- Black Barney
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hmmm... I want Sammy Jackson in the movie tho. Maybe as the Castamir of Umbar? Or just that crazy-lookin' Southron that rides the Mumak?
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Black Barney wrote: I was actually going to suggest something like Samuel L Jackson as Boromir but I felt I was taking too much of a risk. That means that Denethor and Faramir are black and that the entire ruling council-stuff of Gondor would likely be black. This isn't a sci-fi.
hmmm... I want Sammy Jackson in the movie tho. Maybe as the Castamir of Umbar? Or just that crazy-lookin' Southron that rides the Mumak?
Gah, why do the black bros always have to be the bad guys? Samuel L Jackson would give a kickass war speech and would probably have Sauron himself pissing his pants. It's obvious the Mexicans would make better villains anyways. They can be the orcs and the Gondorians the border patrol. Denethor would literally be Joe Arpaio.
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- Black Barney
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Black Barney wrote: ...and then a Fell Beast eats him halfway through his speech
"A Warg ate me! A MOTHERFUCKIN' WARG ATE ME!"
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- SuperflyPete
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Hayden Christiansen as Treebeard...there is no stiffer actor.
Andrew Dice Clay as Tom Bombadil...
"I be Tom Bombadil
Tom Bombadillo
Fuck witch me and I'll
smother your mother
with a mother fuckin' pillow... OOOOOOWWW"
Jocelyn Wildenstein as the head troll at Weathertop
DJ Qualls or Donatella Versace as Gollum
Michael Berryman as Uglúk
Shane MacGowan as Gorbag
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- SuperflyPete
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(C stands for Cantact)
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