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Episode 78 - Cash Money

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Bugs: Recent Topics Paging, Uploading Images & Preview (11 Dec 2020)

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× A place to talk about stuff that doesn't belong anywhere else.

What my SECRET SATAN sent me!

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13 Dec 2011 13:40 #109859 by Aarontu
I hang out in the forums here way more than I do the blog/news area, so here's a thread.

Secret Satan 2011 blog/news article:
fortressat.com/index.php/fat-site-news/2...at-secret-satan-2011

Anyway, my secret SATAN package arrived a couple days ago. Totally NOT what I was expecting. AT ALL.

Whoever it was sent me the new Dragon expansion for TALISMAN, straight from Amazon. An included note from SATAN himself said he saw it on my BGG wishlist. He also gifted the most recent Humble Indie Bundle to me, including the gift url in the same note.

WTF did I do to get on Satan's good side?
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13 Dec 2011 13:54 #109860 by Matt Thrower

Aarontu wrote: WTF did I do to get on Satan's good side?


I don't want to know. But congratulations anyway. That's rather more pleasant than what I sent to my mark this year ...

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13 Dec 2011 15:08 #109868 by Michael Barnes
Damn, that's pretty nice of your Satan! I wish somebody would send me the Dragon expansion...

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13 Dec 2011 15:15 #109869 by Egg Shen
Its funny that when people are SUPPOSED to be cantankerous scum and send you garbage they still just end up doing something nice! I guess some people are just good right to their core!

All kidding aside, that was very nice. I didn't partake in the Satan thing, but I would have a hard time sending someone a junkie game. I would have probably sent a shitty game along with something decent...maybe a few days later just to surprise them.
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13 Dec 2011 15:40 #109872 by Hatchling
Ouch, what a stinker of a gift! (Remember: it's "the thought that counts", so I assume that Satan gifted this Dragon expansion with the thought "fuck you Aaron!")

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13 Dec 2011 16:52 #109885 by jeb
GUYS: USPS will return boxes of kerosene-soaked turds to sender! Word to the wise!

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13 Dec 2011 17:16 #109892 by stormseeker75
Dang. I guess that means my "gift that keeps on giving" will be coming back.

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13 Dec 2011 20:10 #109916 by Fallen
Congratz!
Maybe next year I'll join, I can always use a box soaked in Kerosene.

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13 Dec 2011 21:07 #109922 by stormseeker75
PM me your address, I'll send you one anyway.

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14 Dec 2011 09:47 #109977 by Matt Thrower
So I get home from work last night and find this:



I look at the box. The box looks at me. It's obviously a package from Satan, but what's inside? That box could be big enough to hold an FFG coffin. What's at the top of my wish list, let's see: Runewars? Claustrophobia? This could be a fantastic Christmas!

Before we go any further I'd just like to extend my sincere thanks to Satan, regardless of what's inside, for paying shipping on this massive, heavy box from mainland Europe. I bet that wasn't cheap.

Time to open it:



WOAH! Someone has sent me an absolute motherlode of Russian porn! That'll keep me jacking off until 2013 at the least!

The blue thing turns out to be a copy of Viz. US readers may never heard of Viz: it's a very crude adult humour comic, and it's very funny. I haven't seen an issue in a long time and this one is embraced with great glee. A word to the wise: don't stay up late reading Viz comics and crying with laughter on a worknight. It doesn't aid restful sleep. Honestly, when it described Janet Street Porter as sounding like "a hysterical witch playing the kazoo in a dustbin" I almost wet myself.

The badgers are replicas of Apollo mission patches, all the way from NASA. Very F:AT. I've never been to the states but now I can pretend I have.

On closer inspection it appears that it's not Russian porn all the way down, which is an enormous disappointment. There seem to be some boardgames or some such rubbish underneath. Oh well. Better take a look I suppose.



What the hell? Two games I know nothing about. Well, I've heard of Illuminati but I've never played it. If it's a Steve Jackson game it's probably got about ten minutes worth of fun in a three hour play time. But it's totally Ameritrash and that combination makes it an excellent Satan choice. Respect.

Red Steel seems to be a wargame about a battle no-one has ever heard of in which the Romanian army is elevated to the status of the Wehrmacht Panzer divisions. It also deserves an award for the most garish counter design ever seen in a wargame:



Note the amusing play time of "1-12 hours" on the back of the box. Note also that it's unpunched. That's either a sign of great generosity on the part of Satan, or a sign that even the devil himself wouldn't bother punching this to play it.

There are more games underneath. At this point I couldn't care less about the quality, I'm just having tons of fun unpacking the box to see what's in it. This comes out next:



I suspect this may have been a Satanic choice as it's not a well regarded game. However as is so often the way, Satan's machinations have backfired. This is actually a game I've wanted to play for years: I identified it early on during my return to gaming but it eventually got pushed off my wish list due to newer, more interesting titles. I'm pretty stoked about getting a copy that I can try out. Plus it comes with some cool metal figures for me to paint.

There's one thing left in the box:



WOAH! Breakout Normandy! My #1 desired wargame! I know this was reprinted recently but L2 stuff is nigh-on impossible to get in the UK without paying international shipping and I figured I'd never see a copy. That's BRILLIANT! Thanks so much, Satan: I have permission to leave it out over the Christmas holidays for a solo run and I'm really, really looking forward to that.

Inside the Breakout Normandy box , there's one final surprise:



A Russian-English talking dictionary? What the hell is that all about?

At this point it dawns on me that what I'd taken for Russian porn is in fact a word puzzle magazine. In Russian. DAMMIT SATAN! The dictionary, I presume, is so I can solve the puzzles.

Ah well, if I finish my solo game of Breakout Normandy, I'll have something else to do over the holidays at least.

(I had an awesome time opening the box and looking through it, Satan, and I'm dead chuffed with the contents. Thanks a million!)
The following user(s) said Thank You: Mr Skeletor, jur, Dr. Mabuse, Hatchling, DeletedUser, Fallen

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14 Dec 2011 10:07 #109979 by mikko_r
Talisman expansion and Breakout Normandy?

What kind of Satans are you?

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14 Dec 2011 12:03 - 14 Dec 2011 12:06 #109982 by Matt Thrower


The more I look at this cover, the better it gets. Those are Third Reich socks in the center. And the God Delusion? What gives with that? I'd actually quite like a copy!
Last edit: 14 Dec 2011 12:06 by Matt Thrower.
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14 Dec 2011 14:13 #109991 by Sagrilarus

mikko_r wrote: Talisman expansion and Breakout Normandy?

What kind of Satans are you?


Trust me -- some of them are living up to expectations.

S.

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14 Dec 2011 16:28 #110010 by Space Ghost

Sagrilarus wrote:

mikko_r wrote: Talisman expansion and Breakout Normandy?

What kind of Satans are you?


Trust me -- some of them are living up to expectations.

S.


The only disappointing thing in this thread is you haven't detailed what you received.

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14 Dec 2011 16:51 #110012 by Sagrilarus
About 300 Blood Wars cards. The guy sent me a note indicating there's more coming. Either he found the rest of his Blood Wars cards or there's something different on its way.

S.
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