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A place to talk about stuff that doesn't belong anywhere else.
What my SECRET SATAN sent me!
21 Dec 2011 21:08 #110906
by SebastianBludd
Replied by SebastianBludd on topic Re: What my SECRET SATAN sent me!
So last week I get home and I see a large package sitting on my stoop. No return address evident, it’s my first-ever Secret Satan package! I wait until the kids are in bed so I can open it without distraction and I heft it in my hand before cutting the tape. The weight feels…interesting, reminiscent of something from the Gamemaster series where the boxes are heavy while simultaneously being half empty. My mind starts racing, maybe I have a contrarian Satan who put in, oh, I don’t know, an incomplete Dreadnought Expansion for Space Crusade? A GW version of Fury of Dracula? Possibly topped off with some loose pieces like Heroscape or Heroclix singles or maybe some funky dice?
I finally open the box to find a note on top that reads,
May all of your wildest dreams come true.
Love, Your Secret Satan.
And underneath the note I find…oh you son of a bitch… Foreplay? A Hot Affair? I was bracing myself for something bad, but this was worse than I imagined. After the shock wears off, I realize that the worst thing about these two “games” is that they’re impossible to be enjoyed ironically. Oh, sure, reading the cards might seem funny for the first few, but after that you realize that these “games,” much like a Hello Kitty bondage mask, raise more questions than they answer. Has anyone ever bought one of these “games” as a non-gag gift? Do people seriously sit down with the intent of playing them through? If a couple’s relationship is bad enough to “need” one of these games, wouldn’t the act of trying to sit down and “play” one of them just make it worse? I was left with a feeling of existential queasiness, like if you sat down and read a dozen Chick Tracts in one sitting.
It also doesn’t help that the Foreplay art and cards makes me think of a dingy, smelly 1970’s suburban basement filled with sleazy swingers, whereas reading the cards in A Hot Affair is like being berated by drunken editors from Cosmopolitan and Maxim while they roughly grope you.
My favorite part was discovering that one of the four A Hot Affair decks was still in the shrink wrap. I could picture the couple sitting down to play for the first time and the man starts reading some of the cards as the woman opens all the decks. After he reads a few of them he puts his hand on her forearm to stop her from opening the fourth and final deck before simply saying, “That won’t be necessary. Do you want to go shopping?”
I didn’t know what I was going to do with them (other than recycling), but now I think my two brothers-in-law are about to get a couple of surprise gifts from an anonymous donor…
So thanks, Secret Satan, for showing me that there are much, much worse “games” than party games, trivia games, and the Scene It? series; and thank you for showing me the true meaning of this gift exchange.
And also, if I ever meet you in person, I will punch you in the dick.
I finally open the box to find a note on top that reads,
May all of your wildest dreams come true.
Love, Your Secret Satan.
And underneath the note I find…oh you son of a bitch… Foreplay? A Hot Affair? I was bracing myself for something bad, but this was worse than I imagined. After the shock wears off, I realize that the worst thing about these two “games” is that they’re impossible to be enjoyed ironically. Oh, sure, reading the cards might seem funny for the first few, but after that you realize that these “games,” much like a Hello Kitty bondage mask, raise more questions than they answer. Has anyone ever bought one of these “games” as a non-gag gift? Do people seriously sit down with the intent of playing them through? If a couple’s relationship is bad enough to “need” one of these games, wouldn’t the act of trying to sit down and “play” one of them just make it worse? I was left with a feeling of existential queasiness, like if you sat down and read a dozen Chick Tracts in one sitting.
It also doesn’t help that the Foreplay art and cards makes me think of a dingy, smelly 1970’s suburban basement filled with sleazy swingers, whereas reading the cards in A Hot Affair is like being berated by drunken editors from Cosmopolitan and Maxim while they roughly grope you.
My favorite part was discovering that one of the four A Hot Affair decks was still in the shrink wrap. I could picture the couple sitting down to play for the first time and the man starts reading some of the cards as the woman opens all the decks. After he reads a few of them he puts his hand on her forearm to stop her from opening the fourth and final deck before simply saying, “That won’t be necessary. Do you want to go shopping?”
I didn’t know what I was going to do with them (other than recycling), but now I think my two brothers-in-law are about to get a couple of surprise gifts from an anonymous donor…
So thanks, Secret Satan, for showing me that there are much, much worse “games” than party games, trivia games, and the Scene It? series; and thank you for showing me the true meaning of this gift exchange.
And also, if I ever meet you in person, I will punch you in the dick.
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