What my SECRET SATAN sent me!

Wow. Dante's Inferno. That's like someone trying to make Settlers, but a really, really bad settlers.

I've been instructed to "gird my loins" for a second delivery. Any predictions?

S.

Spellfire

Michael Barnes wrote: Spellfire

Jackass.

Michael Barnes wrote: Spellfire

What is with all the spellfire hate? What did it ever do to you? I'm packing the box addressed to ATL with peanuts as we speak.

It is probably one of the best multiplayer CCGs ever made*



*must play with 3rd edition or later rules.

Michael Barnes wrote: Spellfire

or Guardians...

My allegedly CT-based Satan's Box From Hell arrived today.

Firstly, the note:

The only games A Real 'Merican needs. Love it or leave it you hippy FUCK!
<3 Satan
P.S.: I hope you can read

Now that's some love right there!

The box contained:

1) Frederic Bastiat's "The Law" ["The classic blueprint for a just society!"]--something I've actually read in my meanderings through the wing-nut right-wing of American politics [highly entertaining in an extreme laissez-faire kind of way; the kind of book that the grad stutents in the University of Chicago econ department pass around with all the "good parts" underlined like GIs and an issue of Penthouse Letters]

2) The "Iraq's Most Wanted" playing card deck--a camo-backed facscimile of the deck with pictures of the Saddam-era leadership given out to GIs to ID "high value targets"

3) A tube with the much-acclaimed dice game "LCR"

4) A box of rocks--actually the whole box was filled with clear hemispherical markers like you find in games like Pente.

Stuck in the back of the book was a hard card protector containing the Conquest of Nerath "Sword of Kas" promo card. I'm thrilled [Really! I missed this thing when it hit the streets after PAX and GenCon and it's quickly gone off into the same "must part with left nut to get a copy"-land in which the Wrath of Ashardlon "Kobold Champion" promo resides [speaking of which--anyone have a spare? Will pay...]. . I've also decided to share the Satanic wealth by immediately sending LCR along to AndyInKuwait since I had a box (with 3 Days of Gettysburg) already sitting here waiting to post...

The quart bag's worth of "rocks" were a plus too as I can always find a use for 'em. If not as game markers, then they're great for filling out the bottom of flower pots to facilitate drainage.

A big box from Boards N Bits, and a small box labeled Secret Satan came today. I mused at the coincidence of my Secret Satan and my BGG Secret Santa presents coming on the same day. Nope, turns out both were from the devil.

The big box contained a brand new Battleship: Galaxies. For most of you, that would be considered the BAD gift. This was on my real wishlist, and my son has been wanting it since it came out. So we are both very grateful, and we will play the heck out of it during Christmas break. So Satan, Jack and I thank you.

Inside the small box was a tube of Baconlube, a bacon flavored personal lubricant. For most of you, that would be considered the GOOD gift. This is about the nastiest thing I've ever seen or smelled. Pure evil. It incites stomache-turning images of Larry the Cable Guy and Rosanne Barr staining the sheets on a waterbed in the back of a double-wide. It's probably the only thing Paula Dean wore on her honeymoon besides her dentures. It's like something Mel Gibson would give his Jewish neighbor on Chistmas.

I have to tip my hat to you, o dark one of the fiery pit of hell.

Received mine yesterday. It was, kind of mediocre. Tiny box containing an Xbox game which Barnes described as "Weightless, empty and boring."

But I actually kind of wanted to play Halo again, so it isn't an awful gift. Odd that this present from Lou Scratch came from Decatur, GA just down the road.

So thank you Mr. Scratch, WHOEVER YOU ARE. Are we playing Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday this week?

But...there is...another...

Got my box yesterday but waited until I had some friends to witness


I didn't head the warnings, even though they were in red.

http://twitpic.com/7uexxd

And it's....

http://twitpic.com/7uez4k

Ascalion, a German reprint of Fantasy boardgame Borderlands. English rules were added, although i think i can handle the German.

And Country Moog, apparently a 1972 album of covers, all using the Moog Synthesizer. Haven't listened yet.

Good work Satan, you're too kind

Listened to the moog album (disk one!). Not as bad as i feared and certainly more attitude than 1980s and 1990s synthesizer cover albums

But there is a commom misconception about music in hell. Instead of the muzak we hate here on earth, my lord sees much more opportunity for evil by putting on your favourite song on eternal repeat. That's what hell is about, making you hate what you love.

Except of course, it doesn't exist

http://www.amazon.com/Country-Moog-Nashville-Gold-Trythall/dp/B000MX7UOO

Holy Christ in heaven....THAT is truly the devil's work. I'm not sure, but that may be what is played near the deepest circle of hell. Preview Folsom Prison Blues....just the beginning is enough to make you want to be a good person from this point forward.

SuperflyTNT wrote: http://www.amazon.com/Country-Moog-Nashville-Gold-Trythall/dp/B000MX7UOO

Holy Christ in heaven....THAT is truly the devil's work. I'm not sure, but that may be what is played near the deepest circle of hell. Preview Folsom Prison Blues....just the beginning is enough to make you want to be a good person from this point forward.

Folsom Prison Blues is on disk 2, so don't know yet. But Polk Salad Annie still boogies, no matter how much Moog you put in it

Michael Barnes wrote:
" Damn y'all, I wish I had thrown my name in there now..."
But you could have experienced this: -
I'd imagined a shipping container unloaded at your house. You open one door and a cascade of peanut packing flows out. A Super Dungeon Explore figure catches your eye and you wade in scattering more peanuts behind you. Next an Ares Project card catches your eye. You decide to get a shovel and a swag bag from the house and return to the container from hell to see what else awaits. There's snow around, who cares about escaping peanuts, they'll never be noticed. Continuing, you find a Star Trek Fleet Captains model, some Summoner Wars Master Set cards, and a Dragon Rage counter. But what really decides you to keep going and empty the container is the rare Legend of Drizzt : Vierna Do'Urden promo card. This must be the kindest Secret Satan ever!

When you finally get to the back of the container, do you see a pile of game boxes containing the rest of the pieces for the dozens of odds and ends you've found? No. You see one box, it's the game Container. Could it get any worse you wonder as you open the box. Inside of which sits a piece of paper obscuring what's beneath. It reads "Your favourite game awaits". Trembling, you rip it aside to reveal . . .

So I got my box a couple days ago but didn't have time to get the photos set till now...

The big thing for me is I'm not even sure if I got Satan'd or not, or at least how fully I got it. Either I didn't get screwed or someone tried and doesn't know me that well haha

First up is the box. Warning: Contains Evil


Alright, let's crack this safe open and see if Pandora comes out to eat my face...


What the fuck is this German business... No idea, but Dirk Henn is a brand name dude and despite doing some total shit town Euros, he did do Shogun/Wallenstein. Plus, it's about making beer. Looking more closely it seems to be a wacked out For Sale kinda thing where you have two phases; brew beer and sell beer. I dunno, about this one actually getting much play, but it sure does look sweet and is weird, so I'm stoked to have it.



Maybe this is supposed to fuck me off? I mean really, how many copies do I need, but FUCK YOU SATAN, I now have enough for tournament convention play or double big mega games! So for most of you, this is more like Satan fucking you over cause now my drunk ass is going to hassle your drunk ass into playing a game where the object is to collect and WEAR dazzling plastic jewelry. Funny aside: just a few days before my mom was talking about what an asshole I was when I played this with my sister as kids and I'd win and parade around the house shouting about how I was the prettiest princess, not her.



Digging to the bottom of this pit of hell, I dunno what the fuck this is either but hot damn am I happy to have it. "A game of pegging"... bet these dudes didn't know that 35 years later Dan Savage would give that a whole new dirty meaning. But looking closer, these dirty fucks just got the precise mechanics of pegging wrong. Yup, it's a game of late 60's sexual innuendo for wild swingers; the Match Game PM of boardgames. Can't wait to pull out my Charles Nelson Riley impersonation and make Trish Brett Summers! The rules are ludicrous, there are cards you draw with all kinds of dirty stuff and all over the place are little dirty double entendres. It also includes a blank deck of cards you can customize to make things even "spicier". The first rule in the book suggests you set the board up "on a card table, the floor, or even better, the bed..." Love it.

And oddly enough, it's not even in the BGG database yet, but I did find this great ad from a 1969 issue of the LA Free Press (it was next to an ad for "The Paris Bookstall" which you "Must be 21 to even enter!".



Also fun bonus points on the inside box lid:



So all in all I got a game about beer, a game about princesses and a game about fucking. Guess me and Satan are on the up and up! Thanks buddy!