What my SECRET SATAN sent me!

Well, my inaugural Secret Satan package arrived today, and I opened it with much trepidation.

A horrible assortment of crap appeared before my eyes:

a few packs from the execrable Race Day from Wiz Kids
a handful of Rage cards
a single WWF Wrestling game card (now this I needed more of!)

a wristband from Motion City Soundtrack - a band from Minnesota. Certainly the home of all fine bands. Has Satan learned that my son just decided to go to college in Minnesota? Maybe I'm being stalked...

ooh - here's something good. The ABC Wide World of Sports Dice Game. Yes, now I too can experience the Agony of Defeat (tm). Just claw my eyes out now.

Ah... should have clawed my ears out instead. Next up is a Spanish-language recording of The Ketchup Song. My son immediately comes over and exclaims "Oh my god, the Ketchup song! I've been looking for this for years!" Apparently some post-ironic teen thing. We put it in the CD player. It vomits. We rip the CD and put it on my music server so it is available for eternity.

OK, moving on. This looks safe. Reference sheets. With no game mentioned. Time to do some detective work... Norse, Egyptians, Greeks. No, it can't be... But it is - Reference Sheets from the god-forsaken Age of Mythology, an abortion of a game if ever there was one. Made doubly painful by the promise of great things. One of my lowest rated games on BGG. I think I am truly being stalked.

And to round out the package, a nice friendly Princess and the Frog sticker book. Not too bad. Sticker books are always fun. Reminds me of being home sick. Let's sit down and have some fun with this bad boy.

Wait - where are the stickers? The stickers have been removed? What sort of depraved lunatic has put this together? The diabolical nature of it all! I am cast adrift in a sea of existential angst.

One more box under it all - Grave Business! Hopefully some redeeming value there. I will put it on the stack to be played in the hopes of finding some small shred of decency in this house of horrors.

Thanks Secret Satan!

Geoff

After many, many years of collecting dust, I finally, and very recently, sorted through my collection of Magic cards and got rid of about 1500 cards in an effort to winnow my collection down to a small amount that I "might" someday play a drafting variant with. Today, Satan sent me what looks to be about 3000 Magic cards, which Satan also noted with evident glee were "unsorted." Fuck me. Are Magic cards like tribbles? Can I not be rid of the damned things?!

Ha ha...where do you people get some of this shit?

Forelle, yours is definitely an LOL...

I'm still waiting for the recipient of the sex games owned by an ex-wife to step forward.

Got my package yesterday. I was a little worried, so I sent the kids out of the room just in case. But my fears on that score were unfounded. My other fears, well.... Attached are the contents, in all their glory (not sure how to do this inline, hopefully this works).



The premium gift is, of course, The Fall Guy game. My kids were bewildered, but my wife and I cracked up. D3 was excited to try the Labyrinth Card Game.

The Iron Man diorama thingy actually comes in nine or so pieces, all of which separated during shipping, so the box sounded like someone had taken a hammer to it. But it all worked out.

Little disappointed that the clipper ship doesn't stand up on its own, as the rudder hangs down just a bit too far; who designs these things?

Personally looking forward to leafing through PG. Played it once a long while ago, no real recollection of it, so that will be fun. Also never tried Shipwrecked, so that will be fun to check out as well.

I assume the Happy Meal Simpson's toy and Pirates of the Caribbean voodoo doll/skeleton are collector's items, yes?

Thanks, Secret Satan!

You forgot to mention my innovative duct taped shut RftG box storage method for the cards.

I'm currently 2000 miles away from my submitted address, so if I get the Secret Satan package I won't know about it until 2012 unless my Satan still has yet to ship it.

I stay awake as the Christmas hours peel away
No word from Secret Satan--do I survive another Christmas day?
Or knock, knock--surprise--sanity left to flounder
Will Secret Satan bring fucking Reef Encounter?

Nice prose, Ken.

I know it's sacrilege, but I'd love a copy of Fucking Reef Encounter. I actually really like that game.

Now, please don't take my F:AT card. I like Magical Athelete, too.

Ken, I just recieved a note from your SS...he said "Ken's present is on the way, please make sure he has hip waders and a shovel ready. I've been hitting the all-you-can-eat chimichanga buffet".

So, Sunday morning my doorbell rings and my dogs go nuts. I sez "Who could be calling on a Sunday morning?". It was Canada Post, now these guys don't work weekdays so I have a hard time believing anyone could get them to work on weekends!

So I tear open the package, wondering what is so awful that even the post office doesn't want to keep it over the weekend. What do my wondering eyes see? The long lost classic curling game In-Turn! except that Avalon Hill seems to have spelled it Intern ...

"How odd that they cannot spell" I think to myself, then I open the box to realise that this is a game about playing Doctor except I am no longer 5.

In my excitement I had noticed but only paid vague attention to the magazines he used for packing until my eyes glanced over to them and saw two issues of "Ancient Warfare"! Holy crap, these are freaking awesome!*

Inside the disappointing Intern game there was also a copy of Ancient and Medieval Siege Weapons by Nossov. Sweet!

*I will be subscribing to this fine magazine and my wife hates you

So somebody did get porn.

No porn, but I did get a used copy of Masters of the Universe in the mail today, which I most certainly didn't order.

Its all your fault, Mike. You mentioned porn and the spambots arrived

Josh Look wrote: No porn, but I did get a used copy of Masters of the Universe in the mail today, which I most certainly didn't order.

which one? I might be willing to trade for it (how sad is that)

Those spam bots are almost intelligible which means they're getting smarter or I'm getting dumber.

Space Ghost wrote:

Josh Look wrote: No porn, but I did get a used copy of Masters of the Universe in the mail today, which I most certainly didn't order.

which one? I might be willing to trade for it (how sad is that)

Live action one.