Secret Satan 2012 Pics! Post 'Em Here!

Better call Frank Branham!

Hanafuda is usually Japanese, I didn't realize there were Korean ones.

Mine arrived and I feel awful about it. My package was ~~~~AWESOME~~~~. Like, shooting flames and stars out my ass kind of awesome.

Pics to follow, posthaste.

Secret Satan wrote: They're Hanafuda cards, of Korean origin. I didn't include rules for any games to play with them because I am SATAN!

I think maybe the Korean version is called Go Stop! or something. Same game though.

My Secret Satan hasn't arrived yet. But Sandi got a box at work. Satan has his work cut out for him.

Michael Barnes wrote: Better call Frank Branham!

Hanafuda is usually Japanese, I didn't realize there were Korean ones.

You can find some info for Hanafuda at Pagat.com (which is a great resource for card games in general). The only game I recall playing with a set of Hanafuda is Koi Koi .

And now back to my lurking.

I thought I was adept at filling a box with useless crap.

I was wrong.

My Secret Satan gifted me with a loosely-taped package that was dripping Puzzle Strike chips and StarCraft plastic as the USPS delivered the box. "Hey, I know what you're thinking," said the postman, "but I tried to grab most of it!" He reached into his pocket and gave me a small handful of chits, dice, and spaceships.

After a few Belloq-worthy mystical incantations, I sliced open the tape at the top and gazed inside. Not since the end of Seven has a human been so shocked to open a box (cue The Lonely Island).

Boxes of various sizes, covered by cards, tokens, and more. After a thorough sanitization and sorting campaign, I was left with:

1) 3M's Stocks and Bonds
2) Play on Wordz (travel edition)
3) A possibly complete copy of Carnival (immediately regifted to my coworker who said "Ooh, is that Carnival?")
4) 33 Magic: the Gathering cards
5) 4 books, including Go the Fuck to Sleep and The Satanic Verses (the latter of which was placed in a TI3: Shattered Empire expansion box

I fear for my safety, but more...my sanity. These gifts are looking at me, burning holes in the back of my skull.

I will not sleep tonight.

Ha! The excess Starcraft ships, that's inspired.

There's definitely a hidden message in that assortment. See if you can find it.

Michael Barnes wrote: Ha! The excess Starcraft ships, that's inspired.

Someone got some last year too. Wonder how they got their stash. Maybe Thaadd kept bringing bits and pieces home from work every night.

It could be someone that pimped down their Starcraft set, replacing all the miniatures with cardboard chits.

A reminder for Michael: please email a certain someone that F:ATties address. Thanks!

Fallen....off the wagon?

SuperflyTNT wrote: Fallen....off the wagon?

Silence, Apostate! You will cease senseless blather until you fulfill your end of the bargain.

Your very soul hangs in the balance. Should you not post the images of the gifts sent so that the other frail mortals on this site might tremble in awe at true malevolence, then you shall be made to suffer.

How does a marathon of this abomination sound? It can be made to happen...oh yes...

squashing my pictures for some reason

let me try this another way.

A small an unobtrusive looking package arrived today. It did not seem overtly threatening but as I got nearer I could smell a certain stench of evil. I though some precautions were in order.





While my men set up the safe zone with the cones I, being a good manager, found a suitable vantage point from which to direct their efforts.






After a suitable time in which no explosions, leakages, or foul odors were emitted by the box, I moved it inside the building. Not before donning proper safety gear. One can never be too careful.







With trembling hands, I opened up the missive from the dark one. Now to see what he, in all his vileness had decided to send to me....






First a page with strict instructions to read first which I did although it provided no enlightenment on his devious plans.





Then came a long lost edition of the rules to Dungeons and Dragons. A game masters screen was included. I think we can all agree now that your crazy church councilor had it backwards. It is Satanism that promotes D&D not the other way around.




To be continued in next post....

Included in my box were the floor plans of a dungeon belonging to somebody named Zanzer. No descriptions were included but I got a bad feeling about room number 4.



An army of paper standees were included to help in my explorations. Although they seemed to be an army with a bad split personality disorder as they were often heroes when faced one way and monsters when facing another.



Because my army is doomed to die, the evil one included a solo adventure though he failed to include the decoder to read the secret information hidden behind his magical red print.



Some reading material was included.



And books two and three of Kamigawa cycle of books set in the world of Magic the Gathering. Alas, book one was not to be found.



All in all there were five empty Wizard King boxes. Apparently Satan likes Wizard Kings...likes to eat them that is.



Getting closer to the bottom of the box and I started to find board gaming stuff. First was the tournament copy of Bocaro! The Bowling Card Game You know it's exciting because hey...it's BOWLING and it has an exclamation point in it. Satan is a deceiver though because while the box clearly states the easy to read instructions are in it, there are in fact no rules in the box.



The much coveted and creatively named sequel to the hard core drinking game The Red Dragon Inn, The Red Dragon Inn 2 was in the box. Cleverly packed so the 800 card board coins would go flying the minute the box was lifted.



At the last, beneath this colossal pile of wickedness, there it lay. The gleaming shine of pristine shrink wrap. A copy of Space Cadets! Awww, Satan does have a heart after all. It's black and filled with corruption and maggots but it is there.



So a big thank you to Secret Satan. You went above and beyond the call of evil.