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Own up, ungrateful b*tches!!! Satan's been to town
- ChristopherMD
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- Road Warrior
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- Michael Barnes
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- Mountebank
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We are going to start using tracking numbers to out the NONCOMPLIANT.
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- san il defanso
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- ENDUT! HOCH HECH!
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- Sagrilarus
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buzz71 wrote: Well, Satan has came to town. In the virgin blood soaked box
Fake blood, a welcome change from last year.
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As so many dalliances with Satan go, it started with a sexy come-on:
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Entranced by the come-hither glow of Bea Arthur, it was time to see what blessings Satan had bestowed upon me.
First up, some reading material:
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A bit of miscellaneous dross (although I can always use an extra Bones orc):
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A little light gaming:
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That's "Reiner Knizia's My Word!", btw. So, it automatically qualifies as a hobby game with a 7 rating on BGG.
Some brain burning deduction games:
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A personal comment on BBG about "Deduce or Die!" describes it as "Sleuth for masochists." So, I think I'll break it out during the holidays with the in-laws.
And, finally, a still in shrink copy of an AEG cardgame that, sadly, is not based on the Golden Girls (another broken promise - thanks a lot, Satan).
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- san il defanso
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- Michael Barnes
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Bootleg games...well played, Satan.
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Grasping a pointy object and a nearby holy symbol, I perforated the seals and opened the box. I expected the smell of sulfur, but no such luck. I did, however, hear skitterings from within the hellish packing peanuts. Snatching the moving thing was easy. What I thought to be an imp was little more than rules for Haggis. Satan must want to toy with me, sending rules with no game.
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Digging further, I found a tome of unknowable origin, some card sleeves, and a message from Scratch himself written on human skin transmogrified into copy paper.
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He greeted me by misspelling my name, the dick. He further stated that the offerings in the box were checked against my collection, but it was obvious he didn't give a shit if there were duplications. Satan complained about overpaying flat rate from Hell, to which I remarked, "Suck it."
The rest of the message was written in a strange language. Was it Gaelic? Esperanto? Then I realized that the letters were jumbled. I set the missive aside to plumb the depths of the nightmarish box.
I returned my attention to the tome, which was a copy of Spielbox magazine. "Here, Boy, enjoy reading this." The promo cards were missing, presumably used as toilet paper to wipe the Red One's ass.
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Breaking through the peanuts like disinterring zombies, a quartet of comic books surfaced. The Man with the Screaming Brain (The Boy and I actually liked these and are keeping them).
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There was a faint trill of bagpipes as I thrust my hand back into the package and pulled out Haggis - thankfully not the dish.. That would have been nasty. So, Satan decided to gift me with the game after all! Putting the rules with it, I delved back into the box.
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A shiny metal box caught my eye and I fished it out. It was Coup - set in The Resistance canon. Upon opening it, I discovered that it had no rules or money, and apparently the game's creator is a dick and did not put the rules up in PDF. Bummer.
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The next box drawn from Hell's asshole was a card game called Master of Rules - a mishmash of Fluxx, Uno, what have you. I knew the game, every good gamer did. But, I wasn't going to play it right away.
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A low whistle and a puff of nigricant smoke issued from the bottom of the box. Grabbing for the fume maker, I saw the subtle hint of what lay in store for me in the afterlife - Hell Rail. Guess Big Red wanted me to get acquainted with the transportation system down there.
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The buzz of lightsabers sounded and I pulled out the last box. Star Wars: Ep. I Clash of Lightsabers game. Albeit being the shittiest Star Wars movie, the game made up for it by focusing on the best part.
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Inventory complete, I sat down and deciphered the hellish riddles left by Dispater. This is what I found:
Coup has no money or rules.
It has an expansion character.
That character is broken.
Haggis is inferior to Chimera as Tichu for three.
The comics are a re-gift from another fortress poster.
No promo cards in the magazine.
The Mascarade promo is in the expansion anyway.
The Star Wars game is also a re-gift.
Hell Rail is better than it looks.
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- Michael Barnes
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Hellrail is pretty good...I played it a bit back in its day. Some cool stuff in it. Clash of the Lightsabers is pretty decent too.
Overall, a pretty merciful package. No lame celebrity appearances, unless you count Darth Maul as being on par with Bea Arthur and Tony Randall.
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- Secret Satan
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Columbob wrote: Cool post Rliyen, I even learned a few new words (nigricant, Dispater).
Gotta use my college edjumacation for something.
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