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Own up, ungrateful b*tches!!! Satan's been to town

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15 Dec 2014 16:22 #192799 by ChristopherMD

rocketkiwi wrote: I beheld a postal worker, carrying a large box.


[/img]
Oh noooooooo


Oh boy, that Battlestar Galactica magazine is in IN FULL "MARVELCOLOR". I don't know what marvelcolor is, but I bet its awesome.
The following user(s) said Thank You: san il defanso

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16 Dec 2014 09:30 #192846 by Columbob

Mad Dog wrote:

rocketkiwi wrote: I beheld a postal worker, carrying a large box.


[/img]
Oh noooooooo


Oh boy, that Battlestar Galactica magazine is in IN FULL "MARVELCOLOR". I don't know what marvelcolor is, but I bet its awesome.


Yeah, it's pretty marvelous.

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16 Dec 2014 09:45 #192848 by Michael Barnes
Ok, there have got to be some more packages received...Bull, we know you have yours.

We are going to start using tracking numbers to out the NONCOMPLIANT.

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16 Dec 2014 09:49 #192849 by san il defanso
I didn't get mine out until just this week, though it will be there in time for Christmas. I imagine some other people might have done the same.

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16 Dec 2014 09:58 #192852 by DukeofChutney
i dispatched last week, but things can take time.

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16 Dec 2014 10:37 #192856 by Sagrilarus

buzz71 wrote: Well, Satan has came to town. In the virgin blood soaked box


Fake blood, a welcome change from last year.

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16 Dec 2014 11:10 #192858 by Rliyen
Got mine. Just been busy with work and other family things. Will post tonight before seeing The Hobbit.

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16 Dec 2014 14:51 #192883 by Forelle
Well, a pretty little package of hate arrived at my doorstep.

As so many dalliances with Satan go, it started with a sexy come-on:


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Entranced by the come-hither glow of Bea Arthur, it was time to see what blessings Satan had bestowed upon me.

First up, some reading material:


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A bit of miscellaneous dross (although I can always use an extra Bones orc):


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A little light gaming:


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That's "Reiner Knizia's My Word!", btw. So, it automatically qualifies as a hobby game with a 7 rating on BGG.

Some brain burning deduction games:


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A personal comment on BBG about "Deduce or Die!" describes it as "Sleuth for masochists." So, I think I'll break it out during the holidays with the in-laws.

And, finally, a still in shrink copy of an AEG cardgame that, sadly, is not based on the Golden Girls (another broken promise - thanks a lot, Satan).


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The following user(s) said Thank You: jur, allismom3, Dr. Mabuse, Columbob, hotseatgames

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16 Dec 2014 15:07 #192885 by san il defanso
A friend of mine in Kansas City called Deduce or Die, "Dr. Clue, Phd."

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16 Dec 2014 17:05 #192892 by Michael Barnes
Wow, Bea Arthur. Last year at least it was Jessica Hahn.

Bootleg games...well played, Satan.

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16 Dec 2014 21:12 - 16 Dec 2014 22:11 #192898 by Rliyen
I received the package on Thursday of last week and The Boy brought my attention to it. When I told him it was my Secret Satan, his eyes lit up like a heretic ready to lose his soul for whatever treasures lay inside.


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Grasping a pointy object and a nearby holy symbol, I perforated the seals and opened the box. I expected the smell of sulfur, but no such luck. I did, however, hear skitterings from within the hellish packing peanuts. Snatching the moving thing was easy. What I thought to be an imp was little more than rules for Haggis. Satan must want to toy with me, sending rules with no game.


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Digging further, I found a tome of unknowable origin, some card sleeves, and a message from Scratch himself written on human skin transmogrified into copy paper.


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He greeted me by misspelling my name, the dick. He further stated that the offerings in the box were checked against my collection, but it was obvious he didn't give a shit if there were duplications. Satan complained about overpaying flat rate from Hell, to which I remarked, "Suck it."

The rest of the message was written in a strange language. Was it Gaelic? Esperanto? Then I realized that the letters were jumbled. I set the missive aside to plumb the depths of the nightmarish box.

I returned my attention to the tome, which was a copy of Spielbox magazine. "Here, Boy, enjoy reading this." The promo cards were missing, presumably used as toilet paper to wipe the Red One's ass.


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Breaking through the peanuts like disinterring zombies, a quartet of comic books surfaced. The Man with the Screaming Brain (The Boy and I actually liked these and are keeping them).


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There was a faint trill of bagpipes as I thrust my hand back into the package and pulled out Haggis - thankfully not the dish.. That would have been nasty. So, Satan decided to gift me with the game after all! Putting the rules with it, I delved back into the box.



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A shiny metal box caught my eye and I fished it out. It was Coup - set in The Resistance canon. Upon opening it, I discovered that it had no rules or money, and apparently the game's creator is a dick and did not put the rules up in PDF. Bummer.


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The next box drawn from Hell's asshole was a card game called Master of Rules - a mishmash of Fluxx, Uno, what have you. I knew the game, every good gamer did. But, I wasn't going to play it right away.


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A low whistle and a puff of nigricant smoke issued from the bottom of the box. Grabbing for the fume maker, I saw the subtle hint of what lay in store for me in the afterlife - Hell Rail. Guess Big Red wanted me to get acquainted with the transportation system down there.


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The buzz of lightsabers sounded and I pulled out the last box. Star Wars: Ep. I Clash of Lightsabers game. Albeit being the shittiest Star Wars movie, the game made up for it by focusing on the best part.


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Inventory complete, I sat down and deciphered the hellish riddles left by Dispater. This is what I found:


Coup has no money or rules.
It has an expansion character.
That character is broken.
Haggis is inferior to Chimera as Tichu for three.
The comics are a re-gift from another fortress poster.
No promo cards in the magazine.
The Mascarade promo is in the expansion anyway.
The Star Wars game is also a re-gift.
Hell Rail is better than it looks.
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Last edit: 16 Dec 2014 22:11 by Rliyen.

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16 Dec 2014 22:21 #192901 by Michael Barnes
For some reason I love it when Satan sends incomplete stuff...that is just so assholy. Hopefully one day Satan will send something like Wallenstein without the tower.

Hellrail is pretty good...I played it a bit back in its day. Some cool stuff in it. Clash of the Lightsabers is pretty decent too.

Overall, a pretty merciful package. No lame celebrity appearances, unless you count Darth Maul as being on par with Bea Arthur and Tony Randall.

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17 Dec 2014 01:19 #192904 by Secret Satan
It would have been deeply satisfying to include a game called "Master of Rules" and then not include any of the games' rulebooks.

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17 Dec 2014 09:49 #192905 by Columbob
Cool post Rliyen, I even learned a few new words (nigricant, Dispater).
The following user(s) said Thank You: jur, Rliyen

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17 Dec 2014 10:49 #192907 by Rliyen

Columbob wrote: Cool post Rliyen, I even learned a few new words (nigricant, Dispater).


Gotta use my college edjumacation for something.

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