Secret Satan 2015 Results! Post them here!

fortressat.com/forum/24-social-networkin...m-for-conncon#217430

How long do you think it will be before you want nightmares?

san il defanso prepare yourself, a package is scheduled to arrive for you on Saturday.

SS

SuperflyTNT wrote: fortressat.com/forum/24-social-networkin...m-for-conncon#217430

That qualifies...

hotseatgames wrote: How long do you think it will be before you want nightmares?

I have a plan for that. Sometimes I get insomnia and any sleep, even with nightmares, is better than no sleep at all.

Secret F:ATan, I have received your package (heh). However, I was on vacation for the last week* and have not yet opened it. I will this weekend!


* I just left it in the field by my house and flew to Texas for a week. When I got home, it had not blown up or melted into he ground. I AM DISAPPOINTED.

My daughter, as she was about to step out the door for school this morning, noticed a foul smell...like a road being tarred. I looked outside, and realized that it was, in fact, brimstone.

Secret Satan delivered. As I suspected all along, the real Secret Satan is a Canadian.

Let's peek inside:

Clearly, he is warning me. After securing a sharp instrument to both protect from what's to come and open the tape, I soldiered onward. The note at the top seemed to indicate that I should play an MP3 off of the very nice and ritzy thumb drive provided, and my fresh-out-of-surgery wife was shaken by the chanting of something straight out of Nate Hayden's mind. I'm thinking it's a clip taken from the Warcults soundtrack or something. It definitely set the mood to "Grim-dark". Epic.





Alas! A throwing star! Apparently Secret Satan was alluding to my love of Dying Light. Beneath that was my beloved Punisher. Very, very cool! But wait! There's more! (TM) Hiding inside of the Punisher's middle section (not coincidentally one where a soldier is being berated for being "a fag", there's this....


Now, this Secret Satan is very clever. You see, all of these notes are snippets of forum posts I've made. They all seem to be pointing to the fact that I despise deck builders more than most things. As I read them, I was trying to see if there was some sort of message there. One of the messages was ripped, with a pentagram on the back...and I tried to line it up to get the secret message, but a piece of the star was missing, so I couldn't find one.

Beneath the Punisher,I found a sea of other books! Woot!! Very, very cool!!!


Beneath that, however, was a Rambo doll whose snake was hanging out. A couple of soldiers (really fucking rad soldiers too) were scolding him at gunpoint, while Bumblebee asked a sharky Hot Wheels car to bite his bollocks off. BAD DAY for Rambo.

Apparently, Native American plastic dolls are racist. Except in Kentcuky. Why? BECAUSE SATAN SAYS SO.


So, next up, I find this lump inside of a balled up paper. Still vexed by the notes, especially about the fact that "Gauntlet: The Board Game exists", and wondering what Mr. B.L. Zebub is talking about, I find this, the single coolest thing I've seen in many a moon. Totally rad in every possible way. In typical Secret Satan fashion, no rules were included, nor could I find any in the hour I searched. Still, EPIC. Very, very, very awesome.

(For the uninitiated, this is the original Heroclix. Tiger Pocket Game KLIX Gauntlet. I had a Grave Robber one when I was like 10. This was so awesome because it's just like I remember. Even had the pieces!!! Fucking rad.

Beneath that was this....

...which I am quite grateful for because I honestly have always wanted to get this but have never really pulled the trigger on it. Super cool!

But then there's the evil, evil thing at the bottom of the box. The bane of my existence. The game I have played twice and chose to give away (maybe even to you, my Secret Satan) because it's a deck builder....and now I am obliged to play it again because it would be inconceivably rude not to once someone was kind (or in this case, fucking EVIL and utterly VILLAINOUS to the core) to gift it...


I'm incredibly grateful to Mr. Scratch for this wonderful Krampustime bounty, but it came with a tremendous cost. Nightfall. Fuck you, Baal....fuuuuuuck you.

I have that Punisher comic. It's cool. And if you have to play a deckbuilder, Nightfall is the one to play, so deal with it.

Conan comics are always fun.

Oh superfly... il ya deux expansions dans votre paquet tombée de la nuit de sorte que vous devez haïr deux fois autant qu'avant.

Satan aime l'anus!

Cette chanson a été écrite juste pour vous par Satan lui-même.

Allez vous faire foutre!

I should have known SS was one of those Al Kada Isis guys. You can tell because of the beard and the not speaking American.

Bookseller wrote: Yep. It's the Legacy version of Secret Satan!

That is such a great idea. Man, I love the fort.

Oh. My. God. I COMPLETELY forgot about those little Klix games. I had that Graverobbers one too and also the Double Dragon one. I recall wanting Gauntlet but I never got it. What a cool little present.

FYI- that is CLIFFJUMPER, not Bumblebee. FFS man.

Dungeoneer is...not Warhammer Quest ACG.

You know what's funny about these is that after Comp-U-Tron performs the comparative intercourse algorithm, I always forget who got assigned to who. So I'm just as bewildered as you guys are most of the time.

SuperflyTNT wrote: For the uninitiated, this is the original Heroclix. Tiger Pocket Game KLIX Gauntlet. I had a Grave Robber one when I was like 10. This was so awesome because it's just like I remember. Even had the pieces!!! Fucking rad.

Holy shit that's awesome! I've never seen those games before and I'd be thrilled if that was the only thing in my box. I had the Dragon Master version of Flipsiders:


The game itself was bad but the art's great and I wish I still had it.

Attention forelle,

There is a delivery scheduled to arrive on Tuesday. Gird your loins.

Your buddy,
Satan