Coronavirus

As a fucking idiot (albeit a non-murderous one) I’m pretty glad I’m married and not in the scene anymore. What a nightmare.

I was in a relationship for a very long time, so I don't have much experience with the modern dating scene. But I feel like I am ahead of the pack, having been on a total of 12 dates with 3 women in the last 10 months. My secret? I actually read women's profiles and start the conversation by talking about something they mentioned in their profile. That sounds like minimum table stakes, but a surprising number of guys go with brief messages like "Hey" or "How Was Your Weekend?" They might as well just say "I am a human seeking a human."

However, I am fairly certain that my pictures are a weak point. I'm very physically fit and not ugly, but I am also less photogenic than I was 20 years ago. I should probably spring for some professional photos, and not just from J.C. Penney (if they are still in business). However, I have had some positive feedback from women because I didn't post a picture of a fish I caught, an animal I killed, or the dreaded shirtless bathroom selfie.

But back to the main topic, the biggest challenge right now seems to be the pandemic. I think at least some of the dating pool is still sitting out the pandemic, and they are the smart ones. Outdoor dates seem like a decent compromise, but a long cold spring in Minnesota this year is rapidly yielding to a hot, humid preview of summer this week.

Those are some good suggestions, and I have done some activity dates in the past that were fun. But the dating scene has changed a lot in recent times, especially due to the pandemic. There have been some studies that indicate that a woman makes her mind up about a potential suitor within minutes, sometimes even seconds. So quite a few women are interested in starting with a coffee date, which is a low stakes encounter that can end as soon as someone finishes their beverage, which doesn't need to be coffee. All three of my recent first dates were coffee dates because that is what the women wanted. We got our drinks, and then because it's a pandemic, we went for a walk outside. Even the one that I met in February.

I do like the idea of the activity date. Other studies indicate that excitement and/or physical exertion on a date can promote bonding. So... horror movie, roller coaster ride, rock climbing, things like that are all good date activities. But on the very first date, I think that a lot of conversation is crucial. We want to get to know each other a bit, see if there are any dealbreakers and discover if there is any chemistry. I suppose that a quiet person could struggle in that kind of situation, but I am only slightly introverted and more than capable of starting and sustaining a conversation.

One odd challenge during this pandemic is dealing with an older pet that has health problems. A lot of people adopted pets during the first year of the pandemic. So many that some of the local animal shelters actually ran out of animals at one point. Since then, there has been recurring shortages of canned cat food (though not the dry kibble), and scheduling an appointment with a veterinarian on short notice has become difficult. In 2020, my vet stopped accepting appointments from new clients, though they would see new pets from existing clients. They finally hired another vet and recently announced that they are seeing a limited number of new clients for now.

Last summer, my 12 year old cat's weight loss was getting bad, but it took months of pushing on my part to get him some advanced testing that showed that he had lymphoma. Then it took a few more weeks before he could start chemo. He completed chemo in February and the cancer seemed to be in complete remission. But by the beginning of April, I noticed that his appetite was getting irregular. It took another month to get him into see the vet, who agreed that it looked like the chemo ended too soon. But because it has been six months since he had any tests run, we can't start the chemo again until the specialist has seen him. First available appointment is June 1st. My cat is pretty tough, so I think he will survive the wait, but I am really sick of all these delays. The current theory is that he should go on a metronomic dosing schedule for chemo, which means a lower dose on an ongoing monthly basis. Unfortunately, that would preclude ever getting him the permanent radioactive iodine cure for his thyroid condition.

My wife and I adopt cats that are special needs, or just not wanted for whatever reason, or occasional strays that take residence in our yard (I think the word on the street is to go to our house).

We’re not strangers to our vets, and we’ve been seeing them for over twenty years. They’ve been taking care of our furry babies from birth to death.

Since the pandemic started, we have a harder time getting quick appointments. We used to be “same day” customers if needed, but now they are overwhelmed. They told us that they think that more people working from home means more health issues are being noticed.

Because we deal with different medical conditions and allergies, we need special diets and even those have been hard to get, which has left us scrambling for finding commercial alternatives that are also running low in stores.

I can’t help but frequently think about the curse “may you live in interesting times.”

n815e wrote: My wife and I adopt cats that are special needs, or just not wanted for whatever reason

Thanks. I’d like to think so, but I know better!

A clueless close friend sent me a link to a movie-length (one hour and 45 minutes) youtube video from 2008 about how to pick up women, despite me explaining repeatedly to him in the past why I wasn't interested in that dudebro stunted manchild garbage. First of all, a bunch of toxic tricks aren't going to help me identify a potentially compatible person for a healthy long-term relationship. Second of all, it's a freaking pandemic, so I am not going to hang out in meat market bars and hit on random women. I wanted to reach through the computer screen and slap the stupid out of my friend, particularly since he hasn't been in a long-term relationship since the mid-'90s for some odd reason.

dysjunct wrote: As a fucking idiot (albeit a non-murderous one) I’m pretty glad I’m married and not in the scene anymore. What a nightmare.

Well, as someone whose 28 year relationship recently ended, I’m dreading the idea of any of it. Especially during this white hot mess of the pandemic.

SuperflyPete wrote:

dysjunct wrote: As a fucking idiot (albeit a non-murderous one) I’m pretty glad I’m married and not in the scene anymore. What a nightmare.

Well, as someone whose 28 year relationship recently ended, I’m dreading the idea of any of it. Especially during this white hot mess of the pandemic.

Yikes, sorry man.

SuperflyPete wrote:

dysjunct wrote: As a fucking idiot (albeit a non-murderous one) I’m pretty glad I’m married and not in the scene anymore. What a nightmare.

Well, as someone whose 28 year relationship recently ended, I’m dreading the idea of any of it. Especially during this white hot mess of the pandemic.

This pandemic put a lot of relationships under unusual stress. Some are stronger for it, but other hit a breaking point. My 17-year relationship officially ended last summer, but was already on hold when she decided to quarantine with her mother starting in March 2020. We had issues before that point, but it seemed like we were working things out before that first lockdown.

Well, nature is fed up with us, I think.

My ex-wife is and has always been super troubled and leaned on weed and booze a lot, and for 3 years, pills. We are and were always BFFs, but she was also always supermassive black hole of self pity, anxieties, self-doubt, victimhood, narcissism, and the inability to say she’s sorry about literally anything ever. I made ~30 years of excuses despite every single person I know asking how the fuck I could stand it. What’s worse is that I have a massively overdeveloped sense of a desire for justice and was constantly accused of being a philanderer, which is literally the last thing on earth I’d have considered being a party to. Crazy, sometimes violent jealousy is not fun to live with and you end up basically losing almost all your friends and being totally isolated. Funny thing is that made the Pandemic easier since I was used to rarely going out with friends. Also turns out that the constant stress made me a bit of a cunt over time. Guessing nobody here noticed.

Anyhow, now I’m paying about a quarter of my post tax income to alimony and child support combined, and we still hang out a lot, and I’m hoping she gets help. Maybe we can get back together when she’s not burdened with this shit that is holding her back.

So I finally landed back in the US and had a day to get over some of the jet lag. The last two days have been a huge culture shock and I feel like I just swung from one extreme to another.

Just before I left Guangzhou the entire city still basically lines up every weekend for mass testing still and masks are out everywhere. Want to enter a building you still must scan a code for tracking purposes and display your green code.

Here in medium town USA I have only found that people who appear to be in bad shape or advanced in the years are wearing masks at this point. We are still wearing them while out because I want to get fully over jet-lag first and need to receive a major shipment (with moving lots of heavy furniture) in my near term future.

Transiting LAX was interesting. They still played announcements that masks were mandatory, but that clearly wasn't the case. I can sum up my observations with a couple stereotypes;
-white/black male with no gray hair-no mask
-white/black female with lots of makeup-no mask
-men from stereotypically machismo cultures-no mask
-everyone else-mask
These observations also applied to the flight crew. I suspect these stereotypes map pretty neatly with the stereotypes of empathy in those same cultural groups.

I guess the US has decided the pandemic is over. Gotta say I prefer it this way.

It's a culture shock for sure. That and inflation is outta control here.