Chapel and the Ochre Jelly

(What follows is a short basic D&D session report of Chapel the Halfling. )

Chapel the Halfling:

Str: 10
Int: 13
Wis: 8
Con: 9
Dex: 9
Chr: 7

Alignment: Lawful Good
Occupation: Wooden Cube Manufacturer
Hit Points: 8

Our adventure begins inside the humble abode of one Chapel the Halfling. A one room cottage situated at the base of a large oak inside the mystical forest of Sallad. A squirrel sits up erect as he hears that tap of a hammer inside the cottage. Chapel is busy at work as usual making wooden cubes for use in games and amusements. Chapel the halfling is a hermit , lives alone and does not like visitors. His routine is the same. Every day after breakfast he works all day long making wooden cubes and every friday Sir Alden from the nearby castle comes to pick up a weekly supply of cubes for the merchants in the town that surrounds the castle.

It was Thursday night late. Chapel just finished some fire beatle soup and smoked a long pipe as he sat by his humble fire reading "From Hither and Yon" by Scartooth Donner. A book that tickled the fancy of Chapel for its high adventure. While reading this Thursday night Chapel dozed off by the fire to be awakened by a squishing sound and a horrible smell.

Billows of light smoke were rising from the crates of wooden cubes in the cottage and Chapel looked in horror to see the cubes destroyed, eaten away by some strange ooze.

Chapel screamed, "What could have done this?"

"There is only one thing that could do that much damage to wood."

Cedrici Papas the cheese vendor was standing at the doorway with an early morning delivery of Chapel's limburger.

"What is that Cedrici?, asked Chapel

"An Ochre Jelly"

"Well, I will take care of that vile thing right now", said Chapel pulling out a dagger.

"Are you daft!", said Cedrici talking like Scotty from Star Trek

"The only thing that will kill a Ochre Jelly is fire!

Cedrici lights a torch and hands it to Chapel the Halfling. Chapel takes the torch and goes outside following the trail of ooze to a cave entrance in the hills.

"You can bet that the beastie is belching on your cubes inside that awful place", said Cedrici as he pats Chapel on the back and heads back down the hill.

"Nobody has ever come out of there alive! I wish I could help but remember to strike fast with fire!", Cedrici vanished as Chapel looked into the black void of the cave.

*Thunder*

Chapel entered the cave and with his torch could see human remains scattered on the cave floor. Something glistened on the floor as the light of the torch hit it. Chapel bent down and saw it was a gold piece, Chapel smiled. But before he could pick it up it was snatched away by a goblin that had moved behind Chapel and begun to hump him.

Chapel Pulls his dagger and swipes at the goblin.
(Chapel rolls a 19, hit, damage 4)
The goblin snarls bleeding profusely as he makes a desparate swing at Chapel.
Chapel is wearing a Kramer and Kiesling Leather work smock which serves as leather Armor making Chapel Armor Class 7.
(The goblin rolls a 12 and hits Chapel doing 5 points of damage)
The goblin makes a horrible shriek and runs off through a small tunnel while Chapel is holding his side which was pierced by the goblin. Chapel thought about leaving but was determined to find the vile Ochre Jelly that ruined a full week of work by destroying his wooden cubes.

A small bat flies over the head of Chapel the Halfling and as the bat flies down the cave it seems to stop in mid air suspended. The bat stops moving and seems to be now coming slowly toward Chapel without flapping its wings.

Chapel realizes in horror that the bat is being pushed forward by the OCHRE JELLY! In a rage Chapel charges forward with his torch straight in the the blob.

(Ochre Jelly Hp:21 AC: 8)

It was like a slow motion scene from Chariots of Fire as a real dose of fire swung in an arc toward the Ochre jelly with Chapel in a fit of rage not seen since Steve Weeks posted on BGG.
Chapel needs an 11 to hit but rolls a 10. The low light in the cave has Chapel swinging at shadows as a Jabba the hut shaped ooze comes toward him and the squishing sound so creepy it made the hair on his feet stand up straight.

The Ochre jelly oozes foward and a tentacle of ooze takes a swipe at Chapel. The Oche Jelly only needs a 7 to hit Chapel. Let me consult the dice, The Jelly rolls a 2! Unbelievable.

The Ochre jelly is slow and Chapel is as nimble as a gay mongoose. Chapel swings his blazing torch again and rolls a 6! Chapel is swinging at shadows!

Another vile tentacle emerges from the Ochre jelly and rolls a 9! The slime hits Chapel and Chapel feels the intense cold of the slime and then an intense burning like he has never felt since that time he ate nachos at BGG Con! The Ochre Jelly does 2-12 points of damage and Chapel only has 3 hit points left and his Kramer and Kiesling leather smock is now soaked in blood.

The damage dice are rolled and the Ochre Jelly does 10 points of damage. The blob completely engulfs Chapel the Halfling, his pale face can be seen through the blob with his eyes wide open in terror as the blob vanishes back into the darkness of the cave.

Chapel's torch slowly dies out on the cave floor and picking up the torch is a goblin with a gold coin, laughing with evil red eyes.

Mike Chapel in Austin, TX is having a nightmare! Tossing and turning on his leopard skin waterbed with a half eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his hand and a whole jar of grape jelly emptied on his chest. His wife enters and screams, MIKE!!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!

Chapel wakes up, smiling with a jelly mustache.

"Is it time for BGG CON?"

Chapel's wife walks slowly to the credenza pulls out Chapel's BGG badge and sets it on fire.

Can Michael Bay direct?

dysjunct wrote: Can Michael Bay direct?

No.

There is a serious flaw in your story. Everybody who has met the traitorous Mike Chapel knows that he is Chaotic Evil to the core.

Sir Alden was apparently never sexually active in his youth or he'd know that braces or buck teeth can do more damage to wood than jelly.

There is a serious flaw in your story. Everybody who has met the traitorous Mike Chapel knows that he is Chaotic Evil to the core.

Chapel's alignment has been the subject of considerable debate and I would hesitate to jump on the chaotic evil bandwagon. Chapel is more cunning which might swing him to Lawful Evil but Chapel portrays in his mind a character of goodness, in other words he is looking out for the good of the BGG website, but the if the website is Evil doesn't that make Chapel an evil minion? A difficult debate.

Sir Alden was apparently never sexually active in his youth or he'd know that braces or buck teeth can do more damage to wood than jelly.

Very astute observation SuperFly! Sir Alden has taken a vow of celibacy and is protector of the cube.

SuperflyTNT wrote: Sir Alden was apparently never sexually active in his youth or he'd know that braces or buck teeth can do more damage to wood than jelly.

Tell that to the erect squirrel.

This article should have been on the front page.

I just want to clarify that I used an online dice server for all dice rolls. There was no bias against Chapel at all. I had to laugh when Chapel rolled that 10 and needed an 11.

When I used to DM I never fudged die rolls even if it seemed to ruin the story. I figured the designers had done their work and balanced the rules with the charts so I let the dice fall where they may.

How did you calculate Chapel's saving throw against Jelly Mustache? Is there a table for that in the newest DM guide?

How did you calculate Chapel's saving throw against Jelly Mustache? Is there a table for that in the newest DM guide?

There was no saving throw required. Chapel was having a nightmare so the jelly was not Ochre Jelly it was Smuckers. However, percentile dice were used to calculate if he would have a jelly mustache. I used the following logic:

Chapel being a man child means his peanut butter and jelly sandwichs have a high jelly content.

Chapel was asleep

Chapel was tossing and turning on a waterbed.

No napkins nearby.

The spilled jelly jar.

All of these factored in to a 67% of jelly mustache, I rolled a 23 which was well within the percentile range. I ruled the mustache was substantial enough to disgust his wife and result in the burning of the BGG CON badge due to the fact of the negative charisma modifyers.

I do enjoy me a long pipe.

Chapel wrote: I do enjoy me a long pipe.

Your comment is made in reference to the erect squirrel?