Friday Night Lights - Tow Jockey Five Second Review

I am a nerd. I have always been a nerd. I will always be a nerd. Even when I do un-nerdlike things, I remain, in my secret special place, a nerd. A shocking revelation I am sure. This has many implications but one of them is that you could fill the Grand Canyon with all the fucks I don't give about football. I reserve a special place in the acid bath of hate that masquerades as my heart for arrogant jocks. And what is worse, has been jocks who despite being washed-up continue to believe that the performance of the local sports team in anyway brings glory or shame onto themselves. Thus Friday Night Lights, a movie that all about jocks and has-beens and football, was an underdog for my approval before the opening credits. In the end it failed to win me over. It was too predictable. The characters too formulaic. The only time things weren't being filmed with the accursed shaky cam is when they were using slow-motion (every thing looks cool and tough in SLO-MO!) The football games themselves were just a string of "highlight reel" images of players being crushed by bone-breaking tackles with the "announcers/expositors" explaining how important each play was. Sure that was cool because who doesn't like to see a guy expectorate a glob of bloody mucus (IN SLO-MO)? Oh, and of course, outside of the one elderly helpless mother of the player whose name I couldn't be bothered to remember, all  females are merely eye candy cheerleaders or slutty groupies.  Save yourself the bother of watching this and get a copy of an NFL Films recap of any Super Bowl. Everything will still be in SLO-MO! but at least you'll get to hear that narrator's awesome voice.

Starz on-demand has it available

Netflix is disc only