Matt Drake homeless WTF?

So, you burned down your house. What can we do to help?

drakesflames.blogspot.com/2011/12/event-...g-house-on-fire.html

Sounds like he's got insurance. He's in a hotel. And most important of all, nobody in his family was hurt.

I go to a lot of car accidents and even though it sounds corny I often tell people who are upset that it sucks but your car can and will be replaced. If nobody went to the hospital consider yourself lucky.

repoman wrote: I go to a lot of car accidents ...

I usually just go to the movies, but this sounds like more fun in a very morbid kind of way.

Really funny review by Matt, though. But he fails to mention how he rates a house fire - I'm guessing it's a "weak seven" at most.

repoman wrote: I go to a lot of car accidents

Comes with the job of being a tow jockey.

I figured you had a reason, but went for the joke

Matt, if there's anything I or anyone else here can do to help- let us know. That's like the ultimate nightmare, the Christmas fire!

I've been through a house fire, and it fucking sucks. At best a 3/10. And around the holidays is just about the worst possible time (not as though there's an optimal time for this kinda thing).

Yeah, I couldn't click through here at work either. Sorry to hear this. Even though insurance can help you get on your feet, it can't replace a lot of things that have more than monetary value. I hope Matt and his family get back on their feet quickly.

Monday, December 19, 2011
Event Review - Lighting the House on Fire
In my never-ending quest to bring you reports of interesting things you could do with your weekends, I have found the most fascinating event - burning down your house. Unfortunately, I have to give this a negative review, as I must say it is not nearly as much fun as it sounds.

Honestly, I never meant to review a house fire. I always pretty much assumed it would suck, and I think most people would agree that a house fire is a pretty crappy way to spend your day. However, today my son made fireworks in his bedroom and succeeded at setting his mattress aflame. Shortly thereafter, the attic exploded.

OK, that's a dramatization. Only the windows exploded. The attic itself (where his room is found) did not explode, though one wall of the house was pretty well ruined, and was open to the rain when I left tonight.

If you do decide to burn down your house, I highly recommend having very good homeowner's insurance. That way, while the firemen throw every game you own out a second-story window because your office is next to your boy's bedroom, you will rest comfortably, knowing that all of your games will be replaced. Like, in three months or so, when the checks come in. And, of course, you won't have that cherry copy of Black Ops any more, since they only made 1,000 of those.

Also, if you do intend to burn your home, it's a good idea to take your computer out of the office first. Had I realized this, my computer would not currently be a mishapen pile of melted plastic, and I would not have to write the evening's review on my wife's laptop while in a hotel room.

Another good tip, if you decide to burn your home, is to save the Christmas tree. If you can grab any presents, that's also a good idea. We may be celebrating in a hotel room this year, but we will have our artificial tree and most of the presents (that is, the ones that were not water-damaged when the ceiling in the living room collapsed).

While the actual event of watching flames shoot out the windows of your home is actually quite exciting, it is amazing how quickly the excitement becomes very boring. Once the fire department finishes with the process of saving about half of your wordly possessions (the other half being claimed by hungry flames), you will have to wait for the insurance rep to show up. After that, you will have to wait for the guys who will board up your home. Then you will wait for the guys who will come out and see what can be salvaged. Then, for some extra good times, you will have to wait for the arson investigator who thinks that your son is working for Al-Qaeda and building a bomb in your attic.

So, all things considered, lighting fire to your house is getting a flat-out negative review. Not only did I miss the cool part where flames and smoke shot out my windows, but everything after that sucked. Not one part of my day after that was awesome. If you are desperate to do something destructive, just to break up the monotony, consider hitting yourself in the foot with a hammer. It will hurt an awful lot, but at least you won't have to wonder how long it will take you to paint all those Warhammer Quest miniatures. Again.

Summary

Pros:
No need to clean, if you're just going to burn everything
An excellent way to get your attic remodeled

Cons:
Half an hour of sheer terror followed by a whole lot of boring
Virtually guaranteed to lose something with considerable sentimental value
Posted by Matt Drake at 7:01 PM

What I want to know is where Colby and Bistro were on the night in question....I mean, his Dungeon Run review just came out and then this... (evil grin)

Matt's OK, wife and kids OK, thank God. He's had a tremendously great attitude. He didn't even choke the fuck out of his son. I've known Matt a long time and if nothing else can be said about him, he's one guy that can always see the upside in things. Love that guy.

Okay, this must suck some seriously big donkey balls. I had my basement flooded last year and that was a royal fucking pain in my ponderous ass.

I'm glad everyone is okay and that you have insurance-you don't seem like the type to get railroaded into anything- but just be mindful that your claims adjuster isn't an upwardly mobile shit that puts his career before your well being. AND if there are any extras you would like have done to the house, that aren't covered, I've heard that some contractors go for that sort of thing for a small, undetermined, non-mentioned, fee. At least that's what I'm told.

Chin up Matt. Don't be shy to ask us for whatever little help we can provide.

Happy to hear everyone is ok pin an asswhooping on the spawn game aside. I'm in some serious awe of the sense of humour in the post.

Glad to hear everyone is OK, now time to rebuild it faster, better, stronger.

Mr Skeletor wrote: Glad to hear everyone is OK, now time to rebuild it faster, better, stronger.

We have the technology.