Weird Christmas Presents

Everyone gets one each year, from that person who nearly understands you but completely fucks it up. An infamous one a few years ago where after my wife was discussing baby spoons that change colour when the food is too hot was given a meat thermometer by her sister for a similar purpose, even though she was vegetarian at the time.

However this year my sister-in-law has taken the cake. 5 years ago she has moved to the countryside and then 2 years ago fell in love and moved in with a guy who still lived with his parents (yes this makes no sense as she was able to pay for her own house before this). So as it is a 5 hour drive they didn't make it back here for Christmas, but managed to get their presents here last week. Now I can't work out whether them not being there on Christmas day is either a good thing or a bad thing, because I don't know what my facial expression would have been when I unwrapped 8 in-shrink Scientology hardback books by L. Ron Hubbard. No-one could work out why or what it was supposed to mean. It makes sense if it is his sci-fi work, or if it was one book for a joke, but 8 isn't funny, just a pain in the ass to dispose of. I keep wondering if it was intended as a serious gift, trying to convert me, as frankly her whole life set-up at the moment is weird, and maybe our jokes about her being a cult-member-in-waiting have come true.

Anyone else end up with something baffling?

OMG, this is my parents' thing. Every year we get some weird ads shit from them. Sometimes it's something kind of cool, other times its more of a weird WTF moment. Examples:

- compound bows for my wife and I
- a very expensive coffin-shaped Dracula knife
- tool sets (yeah, buy every year?)
-miscellaneous beer steins
- "hats of the world"
- several varities of orange marmalade in one package
- warehouse club packages of A1 steak sauce
- a sewing machine
- toilet paper
- a juicer
- various "bathroom reader" books
- Wall-e for the Wii

Who knows what we're in for tonight,

I got a nice big box from my dad and when I opened it I saw it said "dried cherries" on the side. I opened it up expecting who knows what but low and behold it really was a huge box of dried cherries. 8 lbs of dried cherries!

Oh, and my buddy got me Dreadfleet, my game group (who I buy all the games for pretty much) pitched in together and their going to paint them for me. I got photo's of two ships that look fantastic. They say it'll be done mid January. Not weird, but how could I not mention it?

In their annual attempt to convert me, my folks got me "Heaven Is Real," a treacly book about a child who had a near death experience that confirmed everything he learned in Sunday School was literally true.

Ok man, you've gotta elaborate on the hats of the world.

My father's father is notoriously poor at gift-giving, some of the gems I've received from him were a set of collectible plates like they sell on QVC and such, and last year's crown jewel: A large candle in the shape of a train, entirely covered in glitter.

My favorite from this year so far: Being an Apple nerd, I had put the Steve Jobs biography on my Amazon Wish List, and was excited when I received it this evening from my sister-in-law, who generally gets awful gifts for me. "Hey," I thought, "things are turning around!"...Until I opened the book and found that it was the Spanish edition.

These probably aren't weird, but I'mma gonna throw them out there anyways.

This year I received a tub of glasswipes from my mother's "companion". Is this a subtle way of calling me an asswipe? I am, so maybe.

And my mother-in-law gave me a fire extinguisher. Useful to be sure, but a little random. And no, I have never unintentionally set fire to anything, nor did I ask for one.

But that's ok because my wife's sister gave me a remote controlled helicopter and it rules Christmas. I just need to figure out how to attach some munitions.

This Christmas, I got a couple of t-shirts, a some games, a watch and a new car (which was a necessity buy, but my wife helped me out). My absolute best gift this year? A case of Zero candy bars.

dysjunct wrote: In their annual attempt to convert me, my folks got me "Heaven Is Real," a treacly book about a child who had a near death experience that confirmed everything he learned in Sunday School was literally true.

You're not alone in receiving this book. The funny thing is that my mom sent it to me...you know...the mom who took me to catechism classes, was there for my 1st communion, the one who went to church with me for a large portion of my life...weird.

I read it, and was astonished that anyone would read it. The whole book was essentially telling you that the kid's father was broke, needed money or would go belly up, and then all of a sudden the kid has this vision. Seems to me the guy needed to make money and wrote a book, using his pastorship as "street cred".

Possible that it's an accurate account, but it was definitely suspicious due to the writer telling the reader how broke and desperate he was in the first chapter.

What's worse, she sent me "23 minutes in Hell" ( spiritlessons.com/Documents/BillWiese_23MinutesinHell_Text.htm ) which was an account of a very freaky-looking dude's travel to hell and back.

The present in and of itself isn't weird, but I received a pack of three "juggling balls" and the giver of this gift insists they saw me juggling before, when really juggling is something I never could do even in the slightest.

Michael Barnes wrote: - warehouse club packages of A1 steak sauce

I guess this is the "Heaven is Real" gift that parents give to vegetarian children that they want to convert to carnivorism.

SuperflyTNT wrote:
What's worse, she sent me "23 minutes in Hell" ( spiritlessons.com/Documents/BillWiese_23MinutesinHell_Text.htm ) which was an account of a very freaky-looking dude's travel to hell and back.

Wowee!! He definitely needs professional help...If I had visions like that, I'd be keeping off the sauce/smack/acid a bit...

Cocaine religion is one helluva drug.

One year my mom got me an "executive" leather jump rope.

This year everyone did a great job I think, awesome surprises all around.