What POSITIVE CHANGES are you making in your life?

Will be picking up my new kitten Valerie this weekend. She is five months old, spayed, and litter-trained. I would love to immediately introduce her to my aging cancer survivor cat Archie, but apparently the experts all agree that it should be a gradual process that will take at least a couple of weeks. The second floor of my house used to be a cat-free zone because my ex loved cats but was allergic to them. But she has had more than a year to come pick up the rest of her stuff, so the second floor will now be Valerie's domain for at least two weeks. There is a door at the base of the stairs so I can easily keep the cats separated for now. Archie is clearly lonely and has been excited to smell other cats on me after recent visits to animal shelters and foster homes. But Valerie may need time to adjust.

In my experience (had six at a time, at one point), Archie will probably need the time to adjust. This is his domain and you're bringing an intruder into it. Be sure to be overtly affectionate toward him, especially when Valerie is around, as he'll need the reassurance that he's not being replaced and that the newcomer is not a threat to his status with you or a threat, in general (despite the considerable size difference.) If you're lucky, he's one of the sociable ones that is genuinely interested in other cats as a whole and not just their scent. If not, it'll take a few days for them to be around each other without constant hissing and a few more weeks for them to really sort out the hierarchy. They'll get there, but he's the vulnerable one, at this point.

This is going to sound weird as a positive change, but...on Tuesday I had my dog Sally put to sleep. It's a long story, the short version is that I've had her for over four years and they've been trying. She had a lot of behavioral issues including aggression...she would lunge at anyone who wasn't me or my ex-wife, and had been aggressive with us. When we divorced I took Sally despite not being thrilled with her because I knew my ex didn't like her either. I thought I could make things work and things got a little better, but there were still a lot of problems.

After talking with my vet and a couple of trainers and looking into some possibilities it became clear there was no realistic path through this. Between different approaches and a possible medical issue I was looking at spending north of $1000 to just start finding out if maybe something could eventually be done to make things slightly better. No one was particularly optimistic.

In the end, one trainer helped me see it from Sally's point of view. She acted out of fear and anxiety -- she was always afraid and nervous. And while I was a comfort to her, she was frustrating and dominant with me so I made her fearful and anxious as well. That's no way to live, and trying to tamp it down permanently with medications wasn't a great solution either.

She went quietly and peacefully, and isn't afraid anymore. And it's gutted me.

I feel terrible and guilty, but I also admit to feeling a great deal of relief that this situation is finally over. We got Sally at a bad time that we didn't know was about to be a terrible time and continue to get worse. A lot of negative experiences and emotions were tied to her. She was a constant reminder and remnant of the worst portion of my life. It's not her fault, but it was real. She couldn't be around people, so having anyone over meant stashing her away, and warning everyone when I was bringing her downstairs (on a leash) to take her outside. She was not a pleasant part of my life.

In addition, I've begun a new relationship with someone who lives a little ways away from me. No longer having to worry about taking care of her is a relief (I couldn't just have someone drop by to let her out or feed her.) I am just now starting to live a life again after several years of being shut down, and this additional level of freedom is wonderful.

It was a difficult decision with a lot of guilt and grief, but I know it was the right one for both of us.

(If you follow me on social media, please do not mention this there. I have not told everyone -- including my ex-wife -- about this yet.)

Sorry to hear that about Sally. It has been almost exactly 40 years since our family had to put down our beloved dog Nikki. She was old, blind in one eye, and possibly had hearing problems, and my dad unknowingly backed a small car over her. She had a been in a car accident one year earlier that broke her front legs, but made a full recovery from that. This time was worse, with internal bleeding and damage to her organs, so we put her to sleep. I held onto her while the vet gave her the lethal injection. I dug her grave in our backyard and buried her, then rushed to do an interview for the school newspaper with a popular local DJ. I was two hours late, but the receptionist told him why I was late. Space Oddity by David Bowie is permanently linked in my mind to that day.

Really sorry to hear about that, Lego. That sounds like it was a really tough decision.

Brought home Valerie the kitten yesterday. While still in the carrier, I showed her to my elderly cat Archie. Nobody hissed, and Archie was very curious. Took Valerie upstairs to her new domain, and opened the door to the pet carrier. She was too nervous to come out, so I left her alone all afternoon to get used to her surroundings. I had to turn on a space heater because the baseboard heater stopped working. I have already called an electrician.

In the early evening, I went up to feed Valerie. I looked and looked and started to get worried that she had somehow escaped. Finally, I found that she had crawled into a tight space between two storage totes. She wasn't stuck, but she didn't want to come out either, so I gave her more space.

At 4:00 AM, there was a bit of drama. Archie was trying to wake me up by licking my face, which he normally only does if I try to sleep late on a weekend morning. Then he walked down the hall and slammed a door shut, an attention-grabbing trick that he learned from my ex. I got up to check on him and he was sitting by the door to upstairs, meowing. I opened that door and found Valerie sitting on the bottom step. I sat between them and let them see each other for a bit. Again, no hissing. Archie was curious but Valerie was shy. She let me pet her, but after I picked her up, she leapt out of my hands and ran back upstairs. I followed her up to see if anything was wrong and found that she had knocked over a small table.

Depending on how long it takes to get an electrician to fix the baseboard heater, I might try to speed up the introduction process. I will keep Valerie upstairs for at least one more night, so I have time to try to kitten-proof my first floor and basement. I would also hope to see her get more comfortable around me before turning her loose on the whole house. In theory, I am supposed to take her to the vet in a few days, but it won't be realistic until Valerie gets comfortable around me. Right now, she is too skittish and very fast, so getting her into a pet carrier could be really difficult.

So, I tend to have pseudo-sociopathic type tendencies with people. It’s super hard for me to remember to call or write people as my brain was wired young for just assuming I didn’t matter to anyone, and so calling them was a bother and I hate to be rude and bother people, unless they have it coming.

Well, I started calling my sister (who recently moved from Mexico to Indiana and bought a house) and she asked me to come help her get some things sorted.
Her husband has essential tremors and is basically useless for chores (except as a vibrator, I’d surmise LOL) and neither of them are really handy. So, 3 hours later I’m in Peru, IN, which I can only describe as “the kind of place The Middle of Nowhere goes to get away from it all”. Her house is 1940’s vintage and was a flip. She’s poor AF from a lifetime of poor financial decisions and a true dedication to self-defeat, so she got it for 90,000$ ish and I’m now 100% certain that she vastly overpaid. The things I found that were so obviously fucked up (the entire main beam for the floor was cut to make room for a heater, and the joists are all held up by a beam held up by a Joist hanger into a 6x6 joist which is then held up by a 3x2 redwood board sitting at a 83° angle) that I cannot even begin to describe them here. None of the doors close all the way (I fixed them). The windows were all improperly installed by some budget handyman whose qualifications probably extend to “badly assembled legos and beer drinking”.

So, I spend the majority of 2 days sorting out the issues I could, give her some advice on who to call to get proof they got hoodwinked and that the inspector’s probably related to the seller.

She was super thankful and said she was so happy she has me as a brother. She and I never really knew one another super well because of my adoption situation and the 16 year age difference, but she’s a good egg, and so I’ve begun integrating her into my life now that my ex-wife isn’t soaking up every moment of my life with her bullshit.

I lost about ten pounds over the last couple of months. Feeling good about this, I got close to or over 200 lb, and that does not work on my 5'8" frame. I'm down around 188 now and would ideally sneak down to 178 and hang out there. I'm not actually doing much more, but I am probably eating better. Literally downing a couple tablespoons of Metamucil daily (BLARG) actually works wonders.

I'm also 5'8" but I've been hovering around 215 for the last year or so. I blame the divorce and the pandemic and my now reliance on McDonald's for early morning breakfast and coffee.

I often feel too exhausted to eat better, but I should probably change that. I've considered just saying F it and going vegan or veg, because I think I may be developing mild lactose intolerance too.

Shellhead wrote: Depending on how long it takes to get an electrician to fix the baseboard heater, I might try to speed up the introduction process.

Honestly, I wouldn't. You're already well ahead of the game with them not being immediately hostile toward each other. Give them time. They seem like they're well on their way to sorting it out already.

My ex used a powerful space heater upstairs until I upgraded the insulation and got the baseboard heater installed. I tried using that space heater the first night for the kitten, but it runs a little loud and too warm even on the low setting. Yesterday morning, I set up a space heater that I used to use under my desk at my previous job, where the boss like the thermostat low all-year round because it was good for productivity. I was worried that such a small space heater might not be enough, but it's fine and almost silent. It's good that I have the right space heater for the job, because my electrician still hasn't gotten back to me. With the recent ice and snow, they might be busy for a while.

Starting around 11:30 PM, Valerie started meowing loudly upstairs, gradually rising in volume until I couldn't sleep. The first couple of times, I went up and checked on her. She was fine, and still in her favorite cozy hiding spot, and went silent as soon as she heard me open the door at the base of the stairs. This continued through the night, waking me up roughly every half hour. After the first two times, I would just open the door and softly call her name, and she would go silent. At 3:00 AM, I had an idea. Both Archie and Valerie were adopted from a shelter where the dogs are on the first floor and the cats are on the second, but the large ventilation ducts transmit the barking all too well. So the shelter plays music for the cats. When I adopted Archie, they were playing classical music and opera. When I adopted Valerie, they were playing new age music. So I plugged in a boom box upstairs and set it on the lowest audible volume. It worked perfectly. The first song was Waltz #2 (XO), by Elliott Smith, which was perfect for the moment.

Since the upstairs heat situation has been addressed for now (though it will become a problem later in the winter when outside temperatures could drop by another 50 degrees F), I will stay on course with the introduction schedule. Until Valerie gets comfortable with me, all I can do is the scent exchange and maybe let Archie take a closely supervised visit upstairs. Valerie will likely continue to hide this week, but at least my cat can get more used to the idea of her being around.

Jackwraith wrote: Archie will probably need the time to adjust. This is his domain and you're bringing an intruder into it. Be sure to be overtly affectionate toward him, especially when Valerie is around, as he'll need the reassurance that he's not being replaced and that the newcomer is not a threat to his status with you or a threat, in general (despite the considerable size difference.) If you're lucky, he's one of the sociable ones that is genuinely interested in other(s) . . . as a whole and not just their scent. If not, it'll take a few days for them to be around each other without constant hissing and a few more weeks for them to really sort out the hierarchy. They'll get there, but he's the vulnerable one, at this point.

I edited this slightly so that it could be applied to new hires in the workplace or other delicate social situations.

I told my general practitioner that I had chronic, low-level lower back pain so he referred me to a physical therapist. After 12 visits my strength in key areas has improved by 34% and my pain is gone. I can also crouch and stand up with relative ease, whereas prior to treatment I would avoid putting away dishes in the lower cabinets because it hurt to crouch over and get back up again. This low grade pain had been around for about a decade and I thought I just needed to stretch more or something and spend about $300 on multiple pairs of low rise running shoes. I couldn't sit on metal chairs for long periods due to pain (and also the magnetic implants from that military experiment #theperipheral).

My physical therapist is a Republican Mormon small business owner kind of guy, but he went to real PT schools and practices something called the Fascial Distortion Model. So every visit would also include him working on my back while talking about recent difficulties with his neurodivergent teen kids. He is also familiar with a lot of "alternative" healing even though he seems like the most pragmatic person ever.

When I asked about whether I needed to continue physical therapy, they assured me that another 12 visits would get me even stronger. They know my insurance will cover 50 visits, and I swear I heard the sound of a cash register when I told them this--they couldn't believe it.

I have a coworker who has been having back problems due to a weak core, and they sent her home with a list of exercises after three visits, which she does religiously. My PT place has a gym with these cool David Spine machines that measure your progress and automatically adjust to your body when you swipe your ID card.



I felt like they were overselling services, especially after hearing him discuss financial concerns stemming from their purchase of a new, 2.5 million dollar building in a prime location, so I decided to start attending the $10/month gym on campus that I have belonged to for too many years and never used a whole lot. I've found equivalent machines and so far it seems to be going well. I'm kind of bummed I've waited until my mid-fifties to discover that working out at the gym while listening to podcasts is pretty fun and feels good.

I also went to our family dentist recently. The older partner retired and now the younger guy is always trying to sell me something every time I go. He says I have fine cracks in three teeth and need either a $200 or $400 mouth guard because I'm grinding my teeth. He tried to show me the cracks but I couldn't see them.

I wonder how much time I spend every day resisting sales pitches.

I stopped drinking at home during the week. I don't have an addictive personality (thankfully) so it's not like I was going on complete benders. And I don't have the side effects that are associated with true "problem drinking," like it affecting my family, work, health; getting in fights or DUIs, etc. I do a Dry January every year and don't get any withdrawal symptoms.

But my issue is that I would drink if I was bored, or just because it was there and it tastes better than water. And it was a lot; I'm a good-sized dude and can hold my liquor ... but, it was enough that a doctor would probably do a double-take. I have thought about moving to England so I can go from being a heavy drinker to a moderate drinker, without changing my actual intake.

So, I stopped. I am not the type of person who easily moderates my behavior -- it's easier for me to have "none" than "two" (etc.). My rule is that I will drink on Friday but no other days. Exception is if I'm out of the home and drinking socially.

Been about a week and a half. So far, so good. I am going through a lot of rooibos tea.

Re: Cutting back on drinking: In New England, everyone drinks seltzer. It's everywhere. In every flavor. The world is seen through a prism of mildly flavored carbonated water, because everyone is trying to not drink the other stuff. Polar has made a fortune.

Interesting. I’ve never heard of Polar Seltzer. It might not get distribution out in my area, although there’s plenty of other flavored fizzy water.