Just saw John Carter...

Black Barney wrote: The interesting part? The movie is rated "G." That means the violence isn't what is being advertised.

The Hunger Games is rated PG-13 in the US.

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for intense violent thematic material and disturbing images — all involving teens.

Christ, I panicked when I saw Barney's post. There's no way that movie could be a G without literally removing all the balls from it.

It's rated G up here in Canadia. We're not as nuts as the MPAA or whoever rates your movies down there but I'm sure that means it's not as violent as I hope it is.

From what I've heard of the book, there's some part where someone dumps dangerous killer insects on someone else to kill them? There's no way they can keep that in a G movie, right?

If that's true then it means they have really adapted the screenplay heavily and it SOUNDS like they've done a good job. I'm really curious to see it.

Black Barney wrote: I dunno, the hate against movie critics always confuses me. I think it's cuz people think they make them feel stupid?

No of course movie critics are not more intelligent than you. Do they know more about movies than you do? Of course they do. Are they able to better tell if a movie is good or not than you are? Of course they can. Both a relative and absolute basis. They've seen way more movies than you and know, for the most part, what makes a great movie.

The part that people mix up is that they think movie critics are trying to tell you what's entertaining or enjoyable. They are not. Can movie critics tell you if a movie is entertaining or enjoyable? Not really, because they're not you.

You and I part company here, Sir. I don't hate movie critics but I don't worship their opinions either.

If a movie speaks to me and moves me in some emotional way, then it is both good and enjoyable. If it fails to do that it is neither. I don't need a critic to tell me that the movie was great but I just didn't "get it".

This I suspect is the basic difference in our view points on this topic. It explains why you care about the Oscars and I couldn't care less. It also explains why I preface my little blurbs with the phrase "Tow Jockey" so everyone knows it's just Joe Shit the Ragman telling you what he thought about a movie.

Barney, please rename yourself to 'the sheeple'. Only a fucking tool would care about Movie Critics as much as you do. Try being an individual one day. I love the fact you jerk off over Finding Nemo and Wall-e but because the media decide to turn on Stanton you do too. You should get a job as one of those hollywood ass-suck reporters.

John Carter is a flop in the same way Waterworld was. Followed the exact same narrative too (the media were hyping it as a flop before it came out.)

Hunger Games could be good but I'm not seeing it based on the idiotic hype. I never heard of the "Hunger Games" until two weeks ago yet now the media is trying to tell me it's bigger than Harry Potter and Twilight. Talk about bullshit suck the herd in marketing.

Skellie, nothing you say means jack until you get a friggin avatar.

The Hunger Games book is fine -- kind of a post-apocalyptic book for teenage girls. I am sure the movies will be good. And, in my opinion, the book is better than Harry Potter or Twilight.

I also liked Waterworld (but not the Postman), so there is that.

I agree with Chasch, it's sword & planet pulp. BUT it's very good sword & planet pulp. There's a touch of a Flash Gordon feel in places "the ninth ray", but in the context of the genre they've really underplayed that and it's not intrusive at all. You just accept it and enjoy the movie for what it is: a film adaption of the novels that's every bit as well done as Jackson's Lord of the Rings films. And it has it's action highpoints: one scene that sticks m my mind is the Calot taking out a Thark in on of the big fight scenes. Whoosh! And he's gone. It's sure as hell worth seeing on the big screen. A work colleague said he's going to see it a second time, I hope to see it again next weekend.

repoman wrote:
" I would be interested to know if in say a year from now the movie actually turns a profit once overseas, domestic, dvd, and licensing rights are all tabulated."
I would be very surprised if it doesn't. It may not prove hugely profitable due to it's shaky start but I strongly doubt that it'll lose money.
" The whole media pile on"
That's the cause, too many morons who know nothing about it's history, and the pile on bandwagon mentality.

Black Barney wrote:
" I know I won't regret not seeing JC."
Sure you will Barney, we'll see to that! Mwahahahaha!!
" Repoman, your paranoia of a media conspiracy against JC aside, don't you think the professional movie critics are worth a damn?"
On the whole no. I think you need to find one whose taste aligns with yours. Failing that, threads on F:AT do a much better job.

repoman wrote:
" I don't go for "media darling" movies just because they are media darlings."
Absolutely. John Carter: no mention on the radio that's always on at work. The Hunger Games: seems like every five fucking minutes.
The sheep will flock to see it.
" Media does take cues from itself and once a narritive gets rolling in one direction they are LOATHE to alter it."
THIS. They create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe it's the media writers who are the damn sheep.

Black Barney wrote:
" Do they know more about movies than you do? Of course they do. Are they able to better tell if a movie is good or not than you are? Of course they can. Both a relative and absolute basis. They've seen way more movies than you and know, for the most part, what makes a great movie."
Doesn't necessarily follow. I was in a house share once, one of whom was a professional reviewer. He really disliked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and was talking about what he'd say in the review. He changed his mind when someone reminded him, "think of the intended audience". I was pointed to a review of The Invisible Man television series, where they mocked the poor make up because they could see his nose in the first episode. That told me that the fuckwit writing it had never read the novel. It's clear from comments about John Carter that many of the professional reviewers are similarly uninformed about it's history.

Mr Skeletor wrote:
" Hunger Games could be good but I'm not seeing it based on the idiotic hype. I never heard of the "Hunger Games" until two weeks ago yet now the media is trying to tell me it's bigger than Harry Potter and Twilight. Talk about bullshit suck the herd in marketing."
Yes, that's the main reason I'm very much put off it. Such hype has an adverse effect, it makes me suspect that they know it's a bad film and they're trying to drive as many people to see it in the first weekend before word gets out to avoid it.

Chasch wrote: " So here's the last bit of prodding, BB. "
Jeff White wrote: " I'm gonna prod just a bit"
Guys! Don't you know only our Ken gets to prod Barney! Go to it Ken! Prod him 'til he submits!

I thought the movie was awesome but I really didn't understand the plot. Especially the medallion, the antogonists' goals (Therns?), and the body double connection and the ending. If someone could give me a short synopsis of the plot I would appreciate it. Shame the movie is losing a lot of money because I would like a sequel.

By the way, I'm a 43 year old male and cried a little at several points in the movie. Anyone with me on that?

The Therns feed off the destruction of worlds. Their motivation is to manipulate events so as to bring about that destruction. They use the medallion as a way of moving between worlds. A magical/scientific device activated by sounds thus the phrase that Carter has to utter for it to activate.

ioticus wrote: I thought the movie was awesome but I really didn't understand the plot. Especially the medallion, the antogonists' goals (Therns?), and the body double connection and the ending. If someone could give me a short synopsis of the plot I would appreciate it. Shame the movie is losing a lot of money because I would like a sequel.

*SPOILERS*
The Therns are basically 'god-aliens' of the universe. They hide amongst worlds and guide their fate. They 'feed' off the destruction of worlds, but really their motivation isn't explained and falls under the 'beyond your comprehension' bucket, similar to the Old Ones in the Cthulu Mythos. Or perhaps it was going to be further explored in the sequels which will never happen (it was supposed to be a trilogy.)
The medallion was simply the device that lets you transport between worlds. It used Thern technology (ie "the ninth ray".) When you use it it sends a 'copy' with your conciousness to the other world, John thinks of it like a fax. Killing one body will destroy the others however.
The Thurns can look like anyone. They disguise themselves in plain site. I think that's what you mean by the body double connection?

Here is a very short synopsis from my bad memory.

Edgar rice is sent a message from his uncle John Carter and arrives just before after he dies of mysterious circumstances. He is given his memoirs and all of his estate. Edgar begins reading his memoirs, which is the basis of the film.
Jon Carter was a civil war hero who loses his family and so decides to abandon the war and live his life rich and selfish, having discovered rumors of a haunted cave of gold. While fleeing from conscription he stumbles upon the haunted cave, which is really a Thurn base station (the Thurns hide amongst earth as well). He kills the Thurn and is accidently sent to mars (it's a copy though).
On mars he finds he can jump high and has increased strength due to the different gravity and his bone structure (hey, its 18th century science fiction!) He encounters the Tharks(4 armed dudes) who amazed at his jumping powers take him captive. Thark society is based on stregth (which is why they kill their unhatched young.)
John is fed a mystical concoction by a thark who takes pity on him (sarkoja) which allows him to understand mars language. For this Sarkoja is punished and warned one more offence will lead to her death. John also rescues a dog thing (wallowa?) which becomes a loyal companion.

Meanwhile... another race on mars (the red men) consist of city states that are at war. The Thurns have decided they want them united under a brutes rule (sab Than- main red baddie) so they reveal themselves to him and give him some of their technology which he uses as a weapon to defeat the other city states. One state (Hellium - the blue dressed people) remains and a truce is drawn that Sab Than will spare Hellium and marry it's princes Dejah. The Thurns plan for Dejah to be killed at their wedding, to solidify Sab Than's rule and because Dejah is close to discovering their technology (the ninth ray).
Dejah doesn't like this plan so flees in a flying ship. Sab Than gives chase. They nearly capture her above the tharkcity, but John Cater decides to intervine and rescues her, and the red men are driven off. The Tharks are so impressed with John they make him a thark and decide he will fight for them, and give him Dejah as his trophy. Dejay wants John to help her free Helium. John just wants to get home. Sensing this, Dejah claims she can get john home so they break into a forbidden temple with Sarkoja. The temple is a temple to the goddess and her agents the Thurns, whom are considered a Myth to the mars people. Dejah discovers in the temple that there is a place where John may be able to get home. After being discovered in the temple they are nearly killed, but the leader of the Tharks allows them to escape as Sarkoja is his secret daughter.
*Phew!*
Eventually they get to the Thurn base and Dejah discovers how John can get home (the amulet and a phrase) but she pretends she can't understand it so they need to go to Hellium as the information is there. John is suspicious. Upon leaving they are nearly killed by another wild Thurn tribe and are rescued by the red men. Dejah after her father's plea agrees to marry Sab Than. She tells john the phrase to allow him to go home but he has a change of heart and decides to rescue hellium. The Thurns take him captive and reveal their plot, but john escapes and returns to the Thark city to enlist their aid.
*FUCKING HELL THERE IS A LOT OF PLOT TO THIS FILM!!!*
When he gets there the other Thark has taken over and john is sent to the arena to die. John instead kicks ass and the Tharks go apeshit for him. He challenges the leader of the tharks for rule and chops his head off. As there leader he sends the Tharks off to war to stop the wedding, but goes to the wrong city (he thought the wedding was in the moving city of the bad guys, but it was in hellium.) John grabs a flying ship and heads to hellium alone, since "Tharks don't fly!"
As soon as the ceremony was to finish the red guys were going to kill the blue guys to solidify their rule, but john crashes the wedding and warns em. Big fight ensures and just when the blue guys were getting beaten the Tharks rock up on stolen flying ships and kick ass. Bad guys die, Thuns escape and John marries Dejah instead.
After giving her a disney style screw he goes to the balcony and decides to stay in Mars (who wouldn't!) so chucks away the transport amulet. As he goes back to bed a Thurn reveals himself and bang, sends john back to earth. Since John threw his amulet away he can't get back.
*AND NOW TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION ON THE ENDING*
John needs an amulet to get back to mars. He spends 10 years searching (he is now rich thanks to the cave of gold) but cannot locate one. He knows Thurns are also on earth and that they are watching him. So John gets an idea.
We go back to Edgar reading the memoirs, and it tells edgar that infact John didn't die but found a amulet and is back on Mars. Because the Mars body is a copy, Edgar must protect Johns earth body or the Thurns will destroy it. So Edgar runs down to the crypt (which could only be open from the inside) and figures out the clue to open it from the outside. Now it's opened the Thurn who was watching Edgar appears ready to destroy the body, but the crypt was empty. John was of course bullshiting and never found an amulet, he instead devised this trap to get a Thurn to come out of hiding. He shoots the Thurn and takes the thurns amulet, gives Edgar all of his money and locks himself in the crypt. Then he uses the amulet to return to Mars and lives happily ever after since we wont get a sequel to tell us otherwise because Barney wont go and see the film.

Thats the cliffnotes version of the film. Writing that made me realise how much better than Avatar it was.

About 10 minutes ago I just finished reading the novel Princess of Mars. I know the movie takes that and the next novel and mashes them together: though I think they could have kept to the first novel only and it would have been great.

However, I love that they used the Thurn's transport device (have no idea if that was in the second book) to transport John to Mars cause in the book he falls asleep due to some strange gas and wakes up on Mars. I don't think that device would work nowadays. And that's probably why they threw in the Thurns now.

But it was a good novel.

BTW, Skeltor, Sarkoja was the mean bitch Thark who kept ratting them out and wanted them dead. Sola was the friendlier one that was Tars's daughter. But good summation and yeah, lots happening and very epic.

I am this close to going to the theater and seeing it again even though for sure I'm picking it up on blu ray. It really was a fun flick.

That was a great summation. Thanks Mr Skeletor!

I'm weeping now thinking about the hundreds of millions going to that total travesty of a film "The Hunger Games" instead of going to John Carter. Goddamn teenage girls and bored housewives!