Own up, ungrateful b*tches!!! Satan's been to town

Listen, QVC Cloudywithachanceofmeatballs, when you open your package (which my minions assure me will be delivered on Tuesday), be sure to take it slow. You don't want to spurt too early.

There are three envelopes on top of the shitgifts. Open them in order, and figure out the puzzle. If not, your goodies might just explode in your face.

And one last thing...while the Number of the Beast may be six hundred and sixty-six, I have another number as well. It's 9505511083734354396614. Put that in your Babbage Engine later today and the USPS will tell you when to duck.

With the heavy thunk and the smell of brimstone, it arrived.
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21 pounds of pure evil.

It was a bottomless pit- stuff just kept coming out. Along with Satan's commentary to further torment me.
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But he wasn't done with me just yet- in fact he was just getting started.
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I think my favorite was this special Hell edition of Uno
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I had taken a beating. I was drained both mentally and physically, with the last of my strength I pulled out a beacon of light
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Satan has a soft spot after all.

Well played sir!

For those keeping score at home here is the full inventory.
Games:
Easy Money, Outwit, Panzer Leader, Cave Troll, Frenzy, Uno, Loot, Before I Kill You Mr Bond, Tic tac Toe and Star Trek Deckbuilder

Miscellaneous: Axe gift set, Horror: 365 Scary Stories, Ron Goulart's Hellquad, Glen Cook's Bleak Season, Kim Justice's Invisible Doujinshi Complete(cd), and 3 candy bars.

I think I made out very well.

Also upon opening Panzer Leader, he did in fact include the rules on a cd- further diminishing his rep as a tough guy!

HOTSEATGAMES! If you're reading this it's too late. Enjoy!

Jur, as retribution for your foul taste in music a special gift comes your way. Satan will educate you in the way of good games.

allismom3 wrote: For those keeping score at home here is the full inventory.
Games:
Easy Money, Outwit, Panzer Leader, Cave Troll, Frenzy, Uno, Loot, Before I Kill You Mr Bond, Tic tac Toe and Star Trek Deckbuilder

Miscellaneous: Axe gift set, Horror: 365 Scary Stories, Ron Goulart's Hellquad, Glen Cook's Bleak Season, Kim Justice's Invisible Doujinshi Complete(cd), and 3 candy bars.

I think I made out very well.

Also upon opening Panzer Leader, he did in fact include the rules on a cd- further diminishing his rep as a tough guy!

Good luck trying to learn Panzer Leader with that bastardized, Cliff Notes crap. I have an original rule book and I still can't make heads or tails of it.

THE HELL KITTY UNO WAS A STROKE OF HAPPENSTANCE. ENJOY. THE MISSUS KEPT GIVING ME SIDE EYES BECAUSE I WAS LAUGHING SO MUCH IN THE STORE WHERE I FOUND IT.

As for the SNRs, maybe the PB one will be good, maybe not. But the original flavor? Rather lick a cat's ass than have that one again.

I love trying to guess who SS is based on the comments.

Secret Satan wrote: Jur, as retribution for your foul taste in music a special gift comes your way. Satan will educate you in the way of good games.

But... but... you already got me Country Moog a few years ago!? Is there anything better than that?

I discovered this package on my doorstep, AFTER having already gotten the mail earlier. How did it get there? I suspected evil was afoot. Could Satan have really just sent a copy of Sedition Wars in its own box with a label slapped to the front? The truth, dear friends... was much more diabolical...



Apparently Satan has a fondness for minis, because he kept all of them. He also kept the dice and plastic bases / tokens. Perhaps he means for me to proxy the rest of the components. He has peered into my soul and knows of my vast unpainted Reaper Bones collection.



This book seems decent. It's probably a trick.


A print and play Dune Express. I admit I'm intrigued.



The comic books are probably the high point of this haul. We also have some meeples from the 5/6 player Survive expansion, which I already have. However, being a game designer, I can always use spare components.



A gameboard and rules for something called Triune. I didn't check but I'm guessing there's missing components!



A board for Pirates in the Caribbean chess. No pieces of course. I shall spite Satan and use this board in some game prototype.



A Dicecapades trivia game. The board is torn in half. Guess what's missing? hahaha Satan!



Part 2 coming up.

To finish off the "haul", we have a card game called SWAP. According to the box, it's the swift swappin' switchin' slappin' card game. Also a deck of Silent Hill playing cards, a deck of cards labeled Deduce or Die but it looks just like a normal deck of cards at first glance, and the Light Saber dueling pack. I don't know what to think about that one.



And we end with some random components. A stack of Risk cards, a "I heart Nerds" phone screen wipe, a print and play of Zombie in my Pocket (designed by a friend of mine so I'll definitely give this one a shot), a print and play of a game called Button Men. I don't know what this is but the art is cool. No rules. Of Course. A couple of cards from Harry Potter Quidditch, and 2 bases from an unknown game. They are labeled Gazkull's Orcs and Zogrod's Orcs.

Also a card game called Agoniste, which is probably decent, I'm guessing.



Thanks Satan! Think of me when you are playing with your Sedition Wars minis!

Ha ha! As if Sedition Wars wasn't enough of a White Elephant gift already...my mom got a White Elephant gift from work one year, it was a mug shaped like a caricature of Jimmy Carter. It likely has more market value than Sedition Wars WITH the minis.

Agonists is good, it's one of Joh Clowdus' earlier ones.

It looks like not including the rules is this year's Kill Doctor Lucky.

hotseatgames wrote: and 2 bases from an unknown game. They are labeled Gazkull's Orcs and Zogrod's Orcs.

Looks like they're from Battle Masters.

Jeb, it looks like your doom has arrived...

The Wrathful Clock Of Non-Compliance starts ticking NOW

Secret Satan wrote: Jeb, it looks like your doom has arrived...

The Wrathful Clock Of Non-Compliance starts ticking NOW

Nothing on the stoop, yet. I will keep my eyes peeled for smoking ruins of UPS trucks in the neighborhood.