What MOVIE(s) have you been....seeing? watching?

Way too much bourbon, and I have now decided to watch AMERICAN NINJA (1985) which is quite possibly the greatest movie ever made.

- Army guys hacky sack
- a colonel has a beautiful daughter
- a mysterious drifter is in the army and also knows ninjitsu
- the drifter fights a black guy and then is friends with him because America
- a ninja has a ninja star tattoo on his cheek, just in case you weren’t paying attention
- drifter and colonels daughter go on a motorcycle ride
- a drug lord wears a white suit with a pink tie
- tattoo ninja kills an underling in training because why not
- specifically he breaks his neck while staring directly into the camera
- ninjas in a warehouse firing arrows at our drifter hero
- our hero kicks a guy on a motorcycle into his own sidecar. The sidecar plows into a truck, and then careens into a canal. I feel this is a very 80s interpretation of a motorcycle accident in an R-rated movie.
- hero is in military prison
- ninjas converging on prison
- hero is attacked in his bed via STABBING
- it is actually a bunch of pillows, suck it Frodo
- hero escapes, side kicks some fools
- rips a metal staff off of a convenient (?) tank
- it can parry swords and cut metal
- meanwhile, black army guy dispenses wise advice
- cute daughter of colonel pleads with hero to accept advice of black sidekick
- colonel orders investigation of everything, not knowing that literally 100% of his men are compromised by ninjas
- hero commandeers a jeep
- more jeeps pursue hero
- explosions, enemy jeeps forced onto embankments and narrows road where they overturn
- STOP THE PRESSES: the sergeant and the colonel are crooked
- tattoo ninja chokes out cute daughter
- colonel dons civilian clothes, pants are disturbingly tight
- hero kills rando with a thrown screwdriver at 50 yards.
- multiple groin kicks
- hero meets wise Asian teacher. Hero has amnesia! But he remembers the teacher, kinda
- "There is so much I remember ... and also ... so much I do not remember" #academyawardbid
- hero puts on black ninja suit #ohshit
- black sidekick rides in with a jeep-mounted machine gun!
- camera on 50 rounds of machine gun firing, cut to 50 ninjas falling over
- drug lord shoots colonel in front of his own daughter
- ninjas backflip a lot
- sword duel in shallow water
- hero jumps onto passing helicopter containing drug lord and cute daughter
- hero and cute girl leap to safety
- black sidekick shoots helicopter with rocket launcher
- everything explodes
- credits roll
- no denouement because why ruin perfection

Last night I watched Goodfellas, it felt like an appropriate thing to do. Today, Copland. Field of Dreams may be Liotta’s better performance but I find the movie a touch saccharine.

COPLAND has an amazing cast. Headlined by an excellent Stallone playing against type.

I went to see Star Trek The Motion Picture in the theater. It was nice to see on the big screen. When I was a young kid, into Star Wars, my parents put this on for me and it bored me to sleep. I didn’t see it again until I was a teen, at which point I was already a Star Trek fan, and I found it more interesting.

This movie loves a large display, it’s an early special effects extravaganza with lots of color and texture to take in. I know it doesn’t get huge amounts of love, being slow moving and more of a philosophical Trek. It spends a lot of time showcasing effects over advancing the story. But it’s beautiful to watch, the music is fantastic, the surround track is fun to listen to and the story is one of the better ones if you are into pensive Trek.

I still haven't seen the first Star Trek movie, even though I was raised on the syndicated re-runs of the original series. My friends all hated it and the reviews were bad. This review by Harlan Ellison was the final nail in the coffin for me ever seeing it:

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And here is Roddenberry's response to Ellison's review:

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dysjunct wrote: Way too much bourbon, and I have now decided to watch AMERICAN NINJA (1985) which is quite possibly the greatest movie ever made.

Do Gymkata next!!

If your liver can survive it, this review style can take you far, young sir

jason10mm wrote:

dysjunct wrote: Way too much bourbon, and I have now decided to watch AMERICAN NINJA (1985) which is quite possibly the greatest movie ever made.

Do Gymkata next!!

If your liver can survive it, this review style can take you far, young sir

Ninja III: The Domination would've been my choice.

ChristopherMD wrote:
Ninja III: The Domination would've been my choice.

Can't critique perfection, man!

That the one where the guy is possessed by an evil ninja? Was it the one where he uses a different weapon for every kill?

Damn, this is a trip down memory lane for sure. I still recall getting martial art Mags that sold shurikens, nunchucks, those crap ass ninja-to swords, and split toe shoes in the back. Or those glove things with the spikes so you could climb trees. Right next to hollow handled compass button Bowie knives.

Fuckin A the 80's were great!!!

I saw American Ninja in the theater for my birthday…all my friends came and it was like right at peak 80s ninja fad. I actually don’t think I’ve seen it since then TBH.

There’s a hipster sandwich bar near me that projects Ninja III: the Domination all the time. I’ve seen it in its entirety there I think.

Gymkata is insane, it’s actually the same director as Enter the Dragon. And of course it features Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Thomas.

Y’all should look for Kill or Be Kill and Kill and Kill Again…these were South African entries into the 80s martial arts trend. They are spectacularly awful.

Gymkata is so bad that it's good. The pommel horse fight scene is unforgettable.

Oh shit, Ninja 3 is on Amazon prime! I'm not completely drunk but here goes!

Stereotypical Font and soundtrack FTW!
Wait, why is this in 4:3? Was it made for TV?
Glowing cave cache of ancient ninja weapons.
Is wearing a full ninja outfit more of a disguise than just dressing like a golf caddy?
Blowdart to the gun barrel!
Yeah, I can outrun a car in a straight line....regretting that mask right about now.
Screw hiding from a helicopter with the bamboo straw while underwater trick, just jump up and take down da choppa!!
Ahhh, there's the bamboo straw trick
Gotdamn that's a lot of dead cops.
Yeah baby, work that feathered hair while on the job
Rabbit jump scare, that's a new one
Does the ninja have extra epicanthic eye fold prosthetics? Is the actor even Asian? WTF?
Ahhh, sexy aerobic leotard wear, suck it yoga pants!
Nothing tells a girl that you are serious like stalking her no matter how mamy times she says no, it really means "yes....eventually".
Hah, that girl getting harassed is wearing a sweatshirt from my undergrad!
Two guys who can bench press 400 pounds apiece just got dropped by a 30 pound piece of railing
Fuck that's a lot of chest hair, is this a werewolf film?
Palm fronds and neon lights in your bedroom is about the most 80s thing ever
OK, now I remember why everyone wanted a ninja-to sword
Is his eye patch a katana tsuba...which has a hole in the center of it, making it pointless as an eyepatch?
This girl really doesn't own a bra, does she?
Is the idea here that arcade games come from Japan thus they cooperate with haunted ninja swords?
Ah sweet, the glowing ninja sarcophagus is fully stocked!
This guy is like half sasquatch, I'm getting nauseous. Nooooo don't rub your nose in it!!!
Did she just get diagosed with ESP and the doc didn't give a crap?
"International Spa" yeah, you ain't fooling me with what goes on in there.
What did that chick do to deserve death by garrote while the cop got a quick painless death by secret poison ring?
Is all of this girl's furniture repurposed squat racks?
"Asiatic Division" yeah, I see where this is going.
James Hong really needs to Lo Pan this shit up some more.
Of all the powers associated with ninjitsu, an exorcism isn't in my top 5
Oh, the shuriken belt buckle! EVERY kid wanted one of those!
High heels and a flannel shirt...classy
Nothing scares away poltergeists like aerobics, if only Carrie Ann tried that.
Again, ninja outfit or generic pallbearer others, which blends into a funeral better?
Let's time our arrow release with a gunshot...makes sense.
Ahhh, there are those tree climbing spike gloves
Nothing says guillotine like a thin sheet of particle board
I can't tell if this is a house under construction or being demolished, not that it matters now.
Hang on, this guy can incapacity 3 cops with a paper clip but needs a key to undo handcuffs?
I have a feeling california is about to have a precipitous drop in their Japanese immigrant population
Ah hell, is there gonna be a zombie ninja battle?
Yes, there will be a zombie ninja battle
Is this a temple or a crossfit gym?
Ninja smoke bomb, hides you AND repels the demonically possessed!
The cop loves her but what if it was all the ninja possession that made her fun in bed?
I think Kirk fought a Gorn at this very location
It's the swoosh sounds that really sell the ninja jumps.
Elon needs to hire this guy for the Boring Company.
OK, I'm down with Ninja possession but an earthquake in California? Preposterous!
Wait, 500 bullets and a sword to the gut won't kill him, but a knife to the head does the trick?.....definitely zombie
Now that's a kiss with some tounge!

Heh, this was pretty fun.

jason10mm wrote:

ChristopherMD wrote:
Ninja III: The Domination would've been my choice.

I still recall getting martial art Mags that sold shurikens, nunchucks, those crap ass ninja-to swords, and split toe shoes in the back. Or those glove things with the spikes so you could climb trees.

I used all of that in the 80's. Even the tree climb spikes. For the record, don't let your kids play with lethal weapons. Different times. I also played Jarts.

The Accountant (2016) is a movie that I have been avoiding for years, because I am an accountant and I dread what Hollywood might do to make a movie about accounting. But I have already seen most of the good movies and finally decided to give this one a chance. It was okay. Ben Affleck plays the autistic accountant, and it is a challenging role for him because it is so different from his past roles. The cast is surprisingly heavy with talent, featuring Anna Kendrick, JK Simmons, Jon Bernthal (aka the Punisher), John Lithgow, Jean Smart, and Jeffrey Tambor. There is a bit of a romantic angle, and a normal amount of action for a Hollywood action movie.

Action? Yes, uh, this movie about an accountant is an action movie. See, he is a mob accountant, only he doesn't work for uh, just one criminal enterprise, he works on a consulting basis for various criminal organizations. And since they typically like to kill the consultant afterwards to keep their secrets safe, he survives due to extensive combat skills acquired during an unusual childhood. And he moves often. Okay, there are some fundamental problems with the writing of this movie that are better ignored than analyzed. The quality of the action is good, and the emotional beats land well.

From an accounting standpoint, this is an okay movie. The accounting terminology is used correctly, and the accounting issues identified are legitimate and found by reasonable means. For Hollywood purposes, they have Affleck writing numbers all over a huge whiteboard and the windows of the large conference room (so they can film him through a transparent surface while he is writing), when he would realistically want to use a laptop instead. But they portray him as this uncanny genius who figured things out in about 24 hours, where it would have taken me more like 8 hours despite being less than a genius. I was frankly more impressed by the way Kendrick organized 15 years of accounting records in boxes and manually cross-referenced everything, within a single all-night work shift.

Despite my issues with the story, I would recommend The Accountant to anybody who likes action movies. Don't analyze it and don't look for plot holes. Just sit back and enjoy the acting and the mayhem.

As someone who grew up outside NYC in the 80s I appreciated the call out to Crazy Eddy in THE ACCOUNTANT. Ben Affleck gets grief for being in the tabloids a lot, but I have to give him credit in this movie for playing against type.

I watched 3 films over the long weekend. Two were good.
Paddington - I had long heard of the high quality of these films, but I generally don't go for kids' films. I did, however, back in my youth read Paddington books and it is probably fair to say I was pretty obsessed. This movie seems very true to the spirit of those books, and looks incredible. Worth your time. It's on Netflix.

Paddington 2 - this was the main attraction, since you always hear praise for it, as opposed to the first film. And with good reason. It is far superior, and I don't think I have ever seen CGI integrated with live action in a more convincing manner. This film is a delight. It's on HBO.

Gunpowder Milkshake - oof. The dud of the weekend. While some of the action is decent, it's just another wannabe John Wick. Bonus points for including Michele Yeoh, but that isn't enough to make this movie anything more than a C. It's on Netflix if you are really that bored.