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  • ...to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandaled feet - A look at Dark Horse's Conan

    My history with Conan the Barbarian is a bit of a personal one.  In addition to instilling morals, saying, "Please," and "Thank you," and all the other values a parent tries to teach their children, another important lesson that my father taught me was what is and isn't the way Conan the Barbarian should be.  Back when I was a youngin', there was a cartoon on called "Conan the Adventurer", not to be confused with the live-action show of the same name.  One Sunday morning while my father was flipping through channels, we came upon the opening titles of the cartoon.

    "This is isn't Conan," my father stated.

     

  • "Watchmen" Trailer!

     

    While we wait for Barnes' Thursday update, here's something for us to drool over in the meantime.


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    Watchmen Trailer!


    This was the trailer before The Dark Knight that was causing the most amount of chatter....

     


     

  • [Movies] "Cloverfield" Review

    You've seen the viral marketing and those mysterious trailers, and been feeling the buzz building for months now.  Now that it's here, does this Blair Witch-meets-Godzilla film deliver the goods?  Find out inside.

  • [Movies] "Hancock" Review

     

     

    Welcome to Errrrrf

     

     

  • [Movies] "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" Review

     

    IT'S COMIN' FOR US!

     

  • [Movies] "Iron Man" Review




    Cue the Sabbath

     

     

     

  • [Movies] "Star Trek" Review

    Star Trek
  • [Movies] "The Dark Knight" Review

     

    "Wanna know how I got these scars?"

     

     

  • [Movies] "The Incredible Hulk" Review

     

    You won't like me when I'm hungry

     

     

  • [Movies] "Watchmen" Review

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    It finally happened.

     

    They said it couldn't be done, but fans have finally been treated to a film adaptation of Alan Moore's legendary graphic novel, "Watchmen."


    Did director Zak Snyder nail this one, or was the conventional wisdom true?

     

     

     

     

  • [Movies] "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" Review



    X-Men

  • [Movies] Ken B's Big-Time Movie Preview, Summer 2011

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    Hey everyone, in case ska_baron didn't spread the word, I'm back!

    And what better way to celebrate my return...again...than my first official movie-related piece since my hiatus?

    Yep...it's Ken B.'s Big-Time Movie Preview, Summer 2011 Edition.   Join us, won't you?

  • [Movies] Terminator Salvation Review

    A lot of good movies come in threes.  For Example,  Lord of the Rings, the Matrix films, and Pirates in the Caribbean.  As we were walking into the theater, and I asked my wife how many good fourth movies she could think of.  Her answers were Harry Potter and Episode IV.  We disqualified episode IV since it was actually the first movie in the series.  You can think of just as many series that really should have stopped after three movies.  Star Wars, the old Superman films, Indiana Jones, Die Hard, Alien, and others. 

    I am a huge Alien fan.  The original is probably my favorite movie of all time.  None of the sequels were very good, but the fourth one, directed by a french music video director, was a complete embarrassment.  When they announced that McG, who is a music video director I have never heard of, was directing Terminator Salvation, that tempered my expectations a little bit.  In addition to videos, McG also directed Charlie's Angels, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, and We Are Marshall- three undeniable piles of crap.

    So despite the incredibly good trailers out there, I tried to walk into Terminator Salvation expecting disappointment.  I walked out happy and anxiously awaiting the 5th film in the series.  T4: Salvation isn't perfect but it is a good summer action flick and captures some of the compelling themes of the series very well.

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  • [TV] "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" 1.1 and 1.2 Review

    Did the new Fox show "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" crap all over the franchise (and its fans?)  Or is this a potential diamond in the rough that is the Writer's Strike?  And is Summer Glau hot enough to melt a T-1000?  Read on to find out!

     

     

  • [TV] "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" 1.3 Review

     

    Too much more of this, and I'm changing the name of the show to "John Connor: 90210".

     

  • [TV] "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" 1.4 Review

     

    Make up your damn mind, show.  I can't make fun of you if you don't stay terrible.

     

     

  • [TV] "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" 1.5 Review

     

     Major props to them naming this episode after one of my favorite games, "Queen's Gambit".

     

      Wait, they're talking about Chess? 

     

    Oh...and some SHOCKING casting that is crazy ironic, and an announcement about future reviews of this show.  Join me, won't you?

     

     

  • 13 Assassins - Tow Jockey Five Second Review

    If all you had ever trained for, if all you ever believed in, if all you thought worthy and honorable was now obsolete, if you were given a chance to once again be of use, to be that which you were born to be, to rise up in sea of poseurs and declare that you were a true believer, that you were one of the true hard core, even if meant certain death, would you take it? This is a great action movie with marvelously staged fight scenes that goes deeper and asks these very questions. Did I mention there are samurai? Did I mention that they are totally bad ass? There are samurai and they are totally bad ass. Kirosawa has got nothing on Takashi Miike.

     

    Netflix Status: Currently Streaming

  • 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1997) - Tow Jockey Five Second Review

    We all know the titles of Jules Verne's famous works; Journey to the Center of the Earth, Around the World in 80 Days, Dick Sand a Captain at Fifteen. Okay, you probably haven't heard of that last one but you certainly know 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. I would bet, though, that I'm not alone in never having read one, 20,000 Leagues included and yet I know the basic story line. Crazy captain has a sub that gets eaten by an octopus. This made for TV version of the story does have the captain and a sub devouring sea monster but it focuses more on the love triangle between Nemo, the daughter of a scientist, and a harpooner even though the motivations and character of Nemo are far more intriguing. This movie isn't going to win any awards. The female lead, Julie Cox who you may remember for her role as the Empress in The Never Ending Story III, is as wooden as a cigar store Indian. The actors playing the professor and Nemo turn in passable performances. The special effects are cheap and I get a laugh every time they show a view out a porthole the ship appears to be grounded on a coral reef. The sub also suffers from "Tardis Syndrome" in that exterior shots make it look no bigger than a normal ship but it would have to be the size of a modern day aircraft carrier to accomodate the vast interior. The director, Michael Anderson, is a veteran of pulp and sci-fi stories. He did Around the World in 80 Days and my beloved Logan's Run. He did this near the end of his career and  perhaps it is his fading touch that keeps this from being utter dreck. As it is, it is merely worth a shrug and quickly forgotten.

    Now available on Starz on Demand

  • 2009 The Ameritrash Year of Love

    Lego Ken B40 years after the original summer of love we are now witnessing the Fortress: Ameritrash Year of Love,  evidenced by all the new spawns popping up here at F:AT.  That's kind of why you're reading a crappy front page article by King Put rather than a good article by Barnes, Matt, Drake, Sag or somebody else.  The rest of the staff is too busy birthing babies and dealing with hormonal wives to write anything decent.  Well, Uba threatened to post some really embarrassing stories from my childhood unless I wrote a couple of hundred words.  After hearing about how Tiger Woods lost his endorsement,  I was kind of worried that if some of those stories got out,  I would lose all my endorsements from being the greatest Caylus Player in the World.  Even worse, I might even lose my invite to the Gathering.

    Luckily, it's the first week of 2010 as I write this,  so I can write this bullshit. Here are the 9 biggest F:AT stories of 2009.

    (Photo of Lego Ken who filled in for Ken for most of 2009)