LOOK WHAT SATAN SENT ME 2013!!!

Best SS EVER.

Michael Barnes wrote: The Jessica Hahn Playboy. That is fucking hysterical. That might top the autographed picture of Goofy from last year. Well done, Santa!

I still have Goofy stuck to my computer. It wasn't autographed though.

Eh, in my heart it was.

Satan taunted my most psychically this year, like some foul Daedric Prince. I fear his generosity will have a price in the coming months and years. Upon opening his maleficent parcel, I was treated to the following view:



This turned out to be an Olivia Newton John LP. Cursed Beelzebub!

Digging down a ways (Satan likes his packing peanuts), I found another message from Hell:


This time, Eddie Money had invaded my home. I blacked out at this point.

Hours later, consciousness returned to me. I steeled myself for what was to come.


What manner of ridicule was this? A Jane Fonda workout record, of course. At this point I lost control of all bodily functions. I awoke with my bloodied head resting in a depression in my dry wall. Inexplicably, I had the remains of a Burger King Whopper on my shirt.

I pressed on.


This was Satan's final missive. I feared that removing this final barrier would unleash a spectral explosion, forcing my very being down to the depths. But I had to know...


...and yet, I don't know. What devious plan would drive Satan to provide such a bounty? Enclosed I found the following items:
The previously mentioned LPs. I don't own a turntable.
Cave Troll.
Two small card games called Black Vienna and I think the other is Deuces Die.
Magdar
Adastra
Succession: Intrigue in the Royal Court
Star Trek RPG
World of Darkness RPG
A History of PI... a biography about a famous number!
Werewolves of Miller Hollow, or something like that
Mascarade
Logan's Run DVD - believe it or not, I've never seen this. I'll be remedying that soon.

Thank you, Cruel Satan, for reminding me that I am a mere mortal, desperately scraping out an existence in your realm.

Nice!

Two super cool things.

Ad Astra I really like. Cataan like but with a cool "action/order" system and...it's in SPACE.

Also, Logan's Run is one of my all time favorite movies. Don't focus on the pre-Star Wars special effects which are somewhat weak. Focus on the story which is fantastic and on Jenny Agutter..hubba hubba.

Yes, Satan is definitely leading into temptation...Jenny Agutter was established some time ago as the official F:AT dream girl.

Just been watching Jenny Agutter in the British TV show Spooks (known in the US as MI5) where she plays a devious corrupt cow working in the centre of British intelligence.

She manages to blackmail her way out of going to prison for running fake agents and basically stealing their wages while reporting back to the bosses that they didn't really have any good intel. Interesting seeing her in her 50s playing a baddy.

hotseatgames wrote: Thank you, Cruel Satan, for reminding me that I am a mere mortal, desperately scraping out an existence in your realm.

Oh man! I had to pick this time of year to move. Seriously jealous here. This is awesome!!

Satan, how are you going to top that Jessica Hahn Playboy, I'm still laughing at that.

Some horror invaded my home today. I opened it... 'Twasn't the first mistake I've made this holiday season, but I wasn't prepared for the price I paid. I'll post more tomorrow; I'm still a bit queasy and... violated.

Michael Barnes wrote: Satan, how are you going to top that Jessica Hahn Playboy, I'm still laughing at that.

Does someone want to explain this joke? I looked it up on wikipedia, and but it sounds like a US thing.

It's totally American thing. Don't worry if it doesn't make sense but trust me when I say that Playboy is truly horrible.

I came home last night to find a package on my step. It looked innocuous enough but I was suspicious all the same. After bringing the parcel inside and a preparatory beer I cut the film that held it shut...


A letter! It starts, "Here's how we've been passing an eternity of torment down here." How does a dark lord and his minions spend an eternity. I shuddered at the thought, but I pressed on...

Taped to the letter were two cards from I believe Wrath of Ashardalon...


I was confused at first, but I decided it not best to question the lord of darkness. In fact what lied beneath shook me to my core. Waveringly, I lifted from the box:


A double-dose of pouty boy lips! I staggered back, but not before I caught a glimpse of the two Linkin Park CDs promised in the warning letter. I fell to me knees, shaking and trembling, and saw... an insulated mug. It was just enough to distract me from my stupor, until I turned it around and saw the logo:


YOU BASTARD! Kidz First? KIDS FIRST? You could have taken Bieber! You could have taken Linkin Park!

And then...





At this point I blacked out.


Some time later I awoke, and after obtaining a recovery beer I gathered my wits and pressed on to find...




I promptly lost my wits.

And then Satan decided to mock me.


Boxed VPG games and Catan Card Game! You wicked evil! I'm too fair-skinned for Africa and you know it! I'm too pretty for the Moon! And square cards are truly the devil's work.

But there was still more...

A cruel jape indeed. The greatest of game designers, Sirlin Himself, has declared this game flawed... Twice! This is the first of three editions, a mere prototype!

But perhaps Satan has decided to spare me after all. I don't know that I could handle the magnitude of genius present in the most polished 3rd edition of David Sirlin's round chip fetish.

Thanks Satan!