Michael Barnes Proudly Presents F:AT Double Secret Satan 2013

MB Updated
Michael Barnes Proudly Presents F:AT Double Secret Satan 2013
There Will Be Games

The time has come. Names by 12/2, Gifts by 12/20.

This is it, people. The moment you wait all year for. The high sign to start packing up your shelf toads, your bizarro thrift store finds, and your utter junk and ship it off to some stranger you barely know from the internet. The signal that soon you will get a package in the mail from another internet stranger. One that might contain pornography, a copy of Full Metal Planete, or a signed picture of Goofy. Maybe even Fucking Reef Encounter. It's all part of the holiday fun here at F:AT.

I have an especially devilish twist in mind for this year (no, it's not burning down Shellie's house again), but it will not be immediately revealed.

The concept is pretty much the same as Secret Santa, but in this version you do not get the luxury of naming what you want. Your Secret Satan will send you whatever they want you to have. Maybe your Secret Satan wants you to have a copy of Deluxe Ogre. Or they may want you to have their entire Spellfire collection covered in black mold. The temptation to send junk is great, especially when you may get something amazing in return. No one will know...but me. I will know if you were truly a wicked Satan or an angel in disguise. We've had both, so be warned and don't expect a Christmas Miracle. F:AT does not guarantee Christmas Miracles.

To participate, you just need to send me your name and address via PM here at F:AT. I will enter your information into a Compu-Tron device that will use an undisclosed set of algorithms to match you up with the perfect Secret Satan. I will also need to know if you are willing to ship to anywhere in the world or strictly within your country or region. We usually have some international folks on board and some folks that will ship international, so if you're in Belize or something there's a chance you can participate. But do be aware that if you are international, I may not be able to match you with someone and you'll have to just cry yourself to sleep.

Send me your info by DECEMBER 2 if you want in. Do you dare?

Here are the other rules:

1. Michael Barnes Proudly Presents F:AT Double Secret Satan 2013 is open to all members of F:AT. We do ask that you are a member so that we know who to send black helicopters to so that we may hunt you down if you fail to send somebody a present. If you want to participate but are not a member, join!

2. Secret Satan is intended to be FUN. It is also intended to be UNPREDICTABLE. No getting upset because you were especially generous and someone stiffed you with some crappy bullshit that's not even really funny. I'll know who gets what, so if there is any kind of an issue, I'll speak to any aggrieved parties about it. In the past, we have had some shipping issues and delays and there have been a couple of folks who never got something but I believe the wrongdoers have been run off by now.

3. You are responsible for shipping whatever it is you want to send your target. So don't come cryin' to me if you put together a package that costs $50 to ship.

4. I'd like for everyone to have their Secret Satan gifts by December 20 so please ship accordingly.

5. Jeb or someone who is not as lazy as I am will start a thread in our forums where you will be required to post a description and photographs of your presents upon receipt. This is absolutely mandatory, no exceptions. This whole enterprise is no fun if everybody else doesn't get to point and laugh at you. Or sharpen their knives and plan revenge for next year.

6. We have a Secret Satan account, password is (I believe) password. You can post things about this business with it. Due to the nature of the Double Secret variation we're running, I do have to ask that you NOT identify yourself to Secret Satan if he asks you a question. He is a tricky bastard. But do not let him know who you are- real name or screen name. Maybe Jeb will make a sock puppet account for victims that you can use, I'm too shiftless to bother right now.

7. If for whatever reason you bail after putting your name in, let me know immediately so I can send the heartbreaking news to your victim. You will also be revealed as a traitor.

That's pretty much how it's going to go down. Happy Holidays

There Will Be Games
Michael Barnes (He/Him)
Senior Board Game Reviews Editor

Sometime in the early 1980s, MichaelBarnes’ parents thought it would be a good idea to buy him a board game to keep him busy with some friends during one of those high-pressure, “free” timeshare vacations. It turned out to be a terrible idea, because the game was TSR’s Dungeon! - and the rest, as they say, is history. Michael has been involved with writing professionally about games since 2002, when he busked for store credit writing for Boulder Games’ newsletter. He has written for a number of international hobby gaming periodicals and popular Web sites. From 2004-2008, he was the co-owner of Atlanta Game Factory, a brick-and-mortar retail store. He is currently the co-founder of FortressAT.com and Nohighscores.com as well as the Editor-in-Chief of Miniature Market’s Review Corner feature. He is married with two childen and when he’s not playing some kind of game he enjoys stockpiling trivial information about music, comics and film.

Articles by Michael

Michael Barnes
Senior Board Game Reviews Editor

Articles by Michael

Log in to comment